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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking if paying a child to declutter is unacceptable bribery?

17 replies

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 14/09/2024 21:20

I'm a gran of an 11yr old child who has an incredibly messy room.
Loads of clothes, some too small but still wants to keep them.
A collection of 'nice looking' empty fizzy drinks cans.
Loads of stuffed toys.
Craft materials that do get used but are in a mess because of no space.

I just heard on a decluttering video the idea of offering to pay an amount for each item a child is willing to get rid of.
I thought maybe I could try that, with the parents' permission of course.

I wondered, tho, if I shouldn't even suggest it because it'd be seen as a no-no because bribery.
What do MNers think?

OP posts:
Changeiscomingthisyear · 14/09/2024 21:23

I think if he doesn’t live with you then you’re over stepping.

Aligirlbear · 14/09/2024 21:25

I’d say it’s between the DC and parents, rather than Gran.

Mandylovescandy · 14/09/2024 21:34

In some ways I wouldn't mind doing this (at a very low level of payment per item) to encourage letting go of some stuff but feel it would backfire in that I would be subjected to requests for cash ever after for any craft item or picture being recycled. So on balance I think not though you could encourage them to sell old clothes or toys (if good condition) to buy new stuff (and hopefully end up with less overall!)

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 14/09/2024 21:36

The parents complain about the messy room and tell the child that an 11yr old ought to be able to keep it tidy.

I wouldn't do anything without asking the parents and they never take offence at me suggesting things, which I do occasionally only.
But wondering if the whole idea of paying might be unacceptable?

OP posts:
partiallydeflatedbutoptimistic · 14/09/2024 21:38

Oh my word I read it so wrongs I read it that you had a messy room and wanted to pay your 11 year old grandchild to clean your room 😂

Personally I would quietly ask your grandchild's parents how they would feel about it.

I'd personally be thrilled 🤩lad it would save me a job

Precipice · 14/09/2024 21:38

Why does it matter to you if the room is messy?

Too-small clothes: these will be gone soon anyway.

Would encourage the recycling of 'nice looking' empty cans.

Leave the craft materials and stuffed toys and the clothes that fit.

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 14/09/2024 21:48

Why does it matter to you if the room is messy?
Because the parents clearly don't like it and moan at the child who seems to have no idea how to go about tidying and, of course, doesn't like being moaned at.

I live a long way away so only see them 2 or 3 times a year and I'm not there currently.
It wouldn't, therefore, turn into nonstop demands for money from me.
In any case, I could put an upper limit on it.

OP posts:
Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 14/09/2024 21:54

Would encourage the recycling of 'nice looking' empty cans.
That seems sensible but it is genuinely thought of as a collection although it looks like a pile of rubbish on the (wide) windowsill.
I could encourage displaying them better.

OP posts:
menopausalmare · 14/09/2024 21:55

I paid my daughter to help wash the car the other week because this was an 'extra' and I want her to experience earning money (she's 10). Paying a child to do the basics such as cleaning their room or putting away clothes is setting yourself/them up for a tough road of "I'll only do it if you pay me".

Ifoughthefight · 14/09/2024 21:57

My daughter says this but when she is at school I remove few items a day and she never even notices

UpTheMagicFarawayTree · 14/09/2024 21:58

I think if you check and the parents are fine with it then why not, ny dad used to pay me 1p per weed I pulled up - I felt rich at the time!!!

SeriouslyStressed · 14/09/2024 22:37

My children struggled to part with anything until I paid them £5 per black back of items that they released from their bedrooms
(Just check that the bags are full with only their own belongings and not anyone else's! Wink)

MargaretThursday · 14/09/2024 22:39

Why don't you help them tidy instead?

saraclara · 14/09/2024 22:42

Encourage him to sell stuff. I did a boot sale with my Godson when he had a clear out. Or you could offer to sell anything on Facebook for him, that he gets rid of.

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 14/09/2024 23:41

Those are good ideas Saraclara

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 15/09/2024 11:24

Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 14/09/2024 21:48

Why does it matter to you if the room is messy?
Because the parents clearly don't like it and moan at the child who seems to have no idea how to go about tidying and, of course, doesn't like being moaned at.

I live a long way away so only see them 2 or 3 times a year and I'm not there currently.
It wouldn't, therefore, turn into nonstop demands for money from me.
In any case, I could put an upper limit on it.

I wouldn't pay her, I would help her declutter and explain how much easier it will be to keep her room tidy if she does. Maybe watch an episode of Sort Your Life Out with her so she can see the benefits of decluttering before your conversation.

Growlybear83 · 15/09/2024 11:46

So long as the parents are happy , I don't see a problem at all in offering your grandchild money to clear up. I always offered my daughter money for passing exams, different amounts for different exam grades, and for other random things. It worked a great every time.

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