Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Intimacy frequency

9 replies

SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 20:38

Mum of 2 small children. Married for 10 years. 36 and 34 years old.

I got a higher sex drive than DH and it is driving me crazy lately.

All cards on the table, I seem to fancy intimacy 3 times a week. I am lucky getting it once.

Talking about it ends up in arguments.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 14/09/2024 20:40

I'm younger than you. I think once a week with busy lives and small children is pretty good going.

BananaGrapeMelon · 14/09/2024 20:42

What's your AIBU exactly? Obviously, YANBU to like it more often but your DH is also not being unreasonable to like it less often. Would counselling help you to discuss it calmly?

Didimum · 14/09/2024 20:44

What specifically do you argue about? How are you coming to the conversation and how is he?

BigStevie · 14/09/2024 20:45

Once a week is loads with a busy life and small kids. 3 times a week is a lot.

gkhf · 14/09/2024 20:47

Very similar circumstances to you. We have sex probably twice a week- usually on the weekends as we aren't so tired.

I would suggest maybe going away (if you can) every now and again. This is great for us to have more sex than usual and feel more connected.

Original poster
SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 20:47

Didimum · 14/09/2024 20:44

What specifically do you argue about? How are you coming to the conversation and how is he?

I think the problem is that talking about it when rejected is a bad idea due to intense feelings both sides and at any other time he seems to not want to engage in the conversation.

He gives the (I presume) usual reasons for not wanting sex. He is tired, not in the mood or busy doing something.

To me, 15-20mins (overall, obviously) is not such a commitment, specially when it is having sex we are talking about?

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 14/09/2024 20:50

Neither of you are unreasonable but I lean towards more empathy for the person who wants it less due to busy lives with two small children. Either way, you will have to come to some kind of compromise.

Didimum · 14/09/2024 21:26

SuffolkMumof2 · 14/09/2024 20:47

I think the problem is that talking about it when rejected is a bad idea due to intense feelings both sides and at any other time he seems to not want to engage in the conversation.

He gives the (I presume) usual reasons for not wanting sex. He is tired, not in the mood or busy doing something.

To me, 15-20mins (overall, obviously) is not such a commitment, specially when it is having sex we are talking about?

Show quote history

I’d agree with that being a bad time to talk about it.

What does he do for work? What are his hours? How old are the kids?

When it comes to sex, I don’t think the time it takes, whether short or long, is relevant. If you’re into it, you’re not watching the clock.

beartie · 14/09/2024 22:28

Exact same position. Although I'm 25, partner 32. I could happily have sex every night but once a week seems to be it for us, he just has a lower sex drive combined with tiredness working long hours etc

Invest in a good toy that's all I can say 🫣

New posts on this thread. Refresh page