To not want my 7 year old to go abroad with a friend for a weeks holiday

[squilly]

Long story, but I have a friend who I really, really like. I know her quite well, because our kids get on great and play together, even though they now go to different schools.

Her ds goes to a sn school after mainstream schooling failed him. My dd and her son always got on well and continue to do so.

Yesterday she emailed asking if my dd would like to go to Cyprus with them for a week. It's a lovely offer and I'm really thrilled that she likes my girl so much that she'd do this, but it's causing problems.

My dh thinks it's a bonkers idea. He wants me to go back and say just that, but I want to say how pleased I am with the invite, but...but then what do I say???

My girl is just 7 and has only ever had one sleepover outside of the family.

So...how do I tell my friend, without making her feel horrid, that we don't want to let her go. That she's too young and we don't really see her going on hols without us for a good few years.

Any hints/tips appreciated. Thanks.

Just tell her that. She's a mother herself, she will understand. Tell her your not ready to let go yet, and that you wouldn't even let your own mother take her, and youwould be thrilled in a few years but not just yet.

Cyprus is quite a long way away too

Can't you go too?

I wouldn't let a 7 year old go abroad for a week without me either.

Just tell the truth. You are grateful to be asked but you know that your DD is too young to be away from you for a week. You worry that she would spoil the holiday for everyone else by being miserable for her mummy. Thank once more.

What a lovely friend! I'm sure she'll understand when you tell her you're not ready to let her away on her own. Don't say it's a bonkers idea though, that might upset her.

Thanks for the advice. I was kind of on these lines, but wanted to be sure I was right, iykwim!

I thought of saying the following:

what a lovely email and a lovely invitation.

Cyprus sounds divine, but we're in Paris that day...we booked a few weeks ago...6 days in Paris, 4 days in Eurodisney and back home on the 22nd. We cheated and took time off school, rather than wait til the holidays...(this is true btw, just didn't want to say this and have her come back with alternative dates)

I love the idea of squillys girl going on holidays with a friend, but she's only really done the sleepover thing for one night before now. She coped well with that but she knew she could come home if she wanted to. I'm not sure how she'd cope with being away from us for more than one night...and being so far away. So perhaps this is something we can look at again a few years from now??
In the short term, maybe we can get the kids together for a playdate? I was gonna ask if we could see your dd during the half term, but as you'll be kicking your heels up in Cyprus then, maybe not ah???

What dyou think?

great !

I think you should ask your DD if she wants to go and if she says yes, let her. OK, she might be homesick but I am sure it will be balanced out with lots of fun and being away from mum and dad is part of growing up.

Is it YOU who feels anxious, rather than your dd? Would your dd enjoy it and feel confident?
I was used to going away with friends and family from 7 onwards and friends came with me. I LOVED it - but obviously some children would be v unhappy. I would let DS go (he's 6.5) now with someone I completely trusted and if he was keen - but it is your decision, and if I asked another parent and they didn't feel sure about it I would completely understand their pov and not be miffed or upset with them.

At 7 DP was put on a plane by himself and sent to friends in Italy for the summer.

I would let my dd go but she is a confident child and as she spends time with her dad away from me it would not be a big deal. But i can appreciate that i am probably the most lax parent know.

I'm pretty laid back about most things...I've got no qualms about letting her go for a sleepover, but I just can't imagine letting her go for a full week. I suspect it's a little bit of PFB added to only child syndrome on our part.

She'd been at nanny's for the night when the request came through. When I mentioned it to her over tea she looked a surprised and just a little bit worried, so I think we got it right with our initial instincts.

DH is adamant she can't go and he wouldn't let her go til she was at least 14, but I think he's being a little overprotective. Personally, I considered it, but decided it was not the best idea for my girl right now. I think if it had been in this country and a long weekend, I'd have been tempted to say yes.

It's so good to hear from parents who have such mature kids who are able to travel alone. I don't think it's laxness twinsetandpearls...I think it's great that your kids have that kind of confidence. I hope that my girl gets to that stage soon, but I think it's probably a year or too away.

Thank you for your comments. It's really helped me put things into perspective and I'm glad some mums have come back with different view points. I was starting to think I was a bit lax for even considering it!!!

I'd probably let my dd go provided she knew I'd come to get her if she was really homesick. But then I'm pretty relaxed myself.

squilly my dd was invited to Spain this summer with a schoolfriend and her (separated!) parents. In this case, I have never even met the father .

I said no (dd is 11)

Just thank her for the offer and tell her the truth-I am sure that she would understand, I would feel the same.

Thanks everyone. I wrote email to friend and am seeing her on Saturday. She totally understood (as I thought she would)...

I guess I was just thrown slightly by the request and was keen to make sure I said the right thing (I do have a habit of putting my enormous size 8's in my even more enormous gob hole!).

Thanks again for the advice. Doncha just love mumsnet???

I wouldnt let mine go to wales lol let along Cyprus!!!!!!!

"THank you so much for your kind offer but I'm sorry we feel she is far too young for this, do you want to meet up this weekend?"

I feel the same - mine are younger and my friend offered to have them for a sleepover - however I just can't do that, they are too little.

"Thank you so much for that wonderful kind offer. However she is just too young to be away from us and I'm worried she would be terribly homesick in a place where she couldn;t go home quickly. However as she and your DS get on so well, can we plan a lot of days together over the holidays so they can play."