To think this isn't nice?

[KungFuCheetah]

To not go and visit a sibling and their partners new flat as soon as they move in as you say you are finding it difficult not having your own place yet?
They said they will go to visit in a few weeks or so..

I think the not nice would be to discount their feelings. They haven’t said they will never visit.

I'd be annoyed if 'as soon as I'd moved in' people were demanding to visit!
Are you wanting to see them or show off?

A few weeks is fine. Will give you time to settle in.

Saying that, I moved out of home 25 years ago and have lived in loads of houses and I don't think my sibling has ever visited any of them.

Not something I could get that worked up about tbh, life is too short. I wouldn't really want to pressure someone into coming over who was going to feel crappy as a result. Just enjoy your new place and once your sibling has sorted their own place out enjoy theirs as well.

I guess they are being honest. Most people would just say they were busy.
It seems a bit off but don't worry about it. Let them visit when they're ready.
I was in hospital for 5 weeks and one woman I know would drop my mum to visit me each day and wait in the car. She couldn't handle coming up to the ward. I found it a bit hurtful but mum said she got triggered by hospitals due to family.
People do have their foibles. Don't let it spoil your enjoyment of your lovely new home.

I think it's insensitive of the person who is expecting people to visit that they're not considering how it feels for the sibling who is struggling at the moment

If you were actually well intentioned about the invite (rather than engaging in oneupmanship) you wouldn't have batted an eye at a polite postponement and got on with unpacking!

I wouldn't expect an immediate visit from any one. I'd much rather wait until I'd settled in before visitors came.

Having said that I've never been particularly close to my family so this situation wouldn't even arise. But i know in some families continually visiting each other's homes is the norm.

I do think the reason given is a little strange. I know not having your own place is quite a big thing but by extension does that mean they are uncomfortable visiting anyone in their homes because it's triggering?

They said they would visit in a few weeks though, presumably once the “new home” excitement has worn off a bit.

They are close enough to tell you their feelings which they might know are unreasonable but sometimes you can’t help the way you feel. I would say no bother come around for dinner in a few weeks then.

My absolute pet peeve (and an indication that someone is immature and self-centred and not someone I want in my life) is when they demand everyone around them drop everything to come and celebrate their good fortune with them, and become sulky and stroppy and indignant with anyone who doesn’t immediately comply.

Can’t you just enjoy your new flat?

I couldn't get worked up about this... not visiting a new baby maybe.

They have shared their feelings. Take it at face value and shrug it off.

why do they have to visit the new place immediately? why does someone have to drop everything and rush to a siblings 'new place' just because its new?

i have 4 siblings, i have lived in my house 11 years.. 2 of my siblings have never in all that time visited. the world did not end

My sister and I wouldn't get into petty squabbles about something like this, no.

Think it's because sibling is much younger and has been able to move because of a higher paying partner. Just think they could show some grace and go to visit/show support and good wishes. Bitterness doesn't look good.

The new house/flat isn't going to go stale if everyone doesn't visit before you've finished taking stuff out of the removal truck! They haven't said they'll never visit, they're communicating with you.

Entitled behaviour doesn't look good either.

No one owes you their support or good wishes just because you have a partner who earns more money.

But why does the sibling who has their own place need 'support'? They're not grappling with a difficult situation, they're in an enviable position. The sibling who can't yet afford their own place is communicating clearly that they're struggling slightly about it all, but will; visit in a little while. Equally possible to think that the sibling with his/her own place could show some sensitivity in response.

I have two single siblings and two married/longterm partnered ones. The three of us who are married/coupled up have much bigger homes and got them earlier, because there were two of us contributing to a deposit and paying a mortgage. It can feel very unfair.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, why does someone moving house need
support?

weird

i don't care if someone can't wait to get in & have a look around (just. Ring a box in on your way!) or if they have no interest in having a look about

it's my new place, for me, but I guess mileage varies depending on your need to show it off! I have NO need 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s a bit odd that you’re desperate for a sibling to visit straight away. It’s not a new baby, it’s just a building.

I think it depends on the situation.

I do think in most cases, we should support each other and be happy for each other even if we are envious that it’s not happened to us yet.

But in some situations it’s ok.

I remember when I was living in one room in a hostel as a single parent and my friend got shitty with me because I wouldn’t go and view a £500k property on her behalf.

If the sibling is struggling then it would be obvious that they would find this hard.

I think it’s quite nasty of you to expect your sibling to be happy for you, knowing that they are struggling.

It doesn’t even sound like you got this from your own hard work, which would be something to be proud of and something your sibling should be happy about.

What is your siblings situation/your situation if this is a reverse?

god there are family members I still haven't visited years after they've moved into their places, unless it was for a specific event like a housewarming party it's not something I would consider important or necessary.

What kind of support do you need, having just moved house?
Tbh you sound boastful and entitled.
I wouldn't rush to visit you either.

Neither does self-centred, boastful, childish behaviour. 🤷‍♀️

This is now causing tension as the partner of the sister is very annoyed and upset that she will not visit. He feels it is unsupportive and childish especially at her age.
Does feel like all the family have come together to support and be happy for them except her.