I have an 11 year old daughter who has just started secondary. Let’s go back to her toddler years where it was becoming more and more difficult getting her dressed. She hated shoes and socks, would pull off clothes and have massive tantrums. Told it was a phase etc. well the phase never passed and at 9 years old and in year 4 diagnosed sensory issues but I often suspected asd traits but her friendship groups are strong and socially she is fine. She has lots of friends to the point I can’t keep up but there are a few she is stable with but talks with lots of different friends. School wise she is very smart, barely picks up a book yet reading age was 2 years higher and greater depth in sats in most subjects despite never doing homework, shamefully I did it as she would have massive meltdowns after school but she still did better than most kids who were tutored! And being home schooled lockdowns etc she did some work but refused a lot of the time. one teacher in year 5 an ex senco noticed she might be neurodivergent but never had a chance to talk as he left the school. He said I suspect something with your daughter. It’s never been picked up by anyone else. Now the behavior at home, food very particular , will say ‘I want food give me food but doesn’t know what ? Awful name calling, she is so rude to me that even in front of friends calls me the worst names, I will not repeat, I’ve sought help, tried with family support worker but their methods don’t work with her. We’ve had an occupational therapist who also mentioned nueordivergent by spending time with her and myself. She said it’s biological and you’re like her mum, and it’s just the way out brain worked. Don’t know what she noticed about me. But she said I was best off going to get assessment done for my daughter, and quoted 3000 with a well known psychologys they work with! Great reviews but which no way I can afford right now. I have 2 children boys who have a young both diagnosed asd but they don’t have the sensory issues my daughter does but aren’t sociable and don’t like being around people they don’t know. We manage it all very well, and all children go to school and and we have days out, we just have to do things a bit differently. My dilemma is who do I turn to? GP? School! How do you go about this at secondary ? I have much more to say about my daughter including sleep patterns, her meltdowns after spending time with friends, one thing she told the occupational therapist when she asked my daughter ‘do your friends poke holes in your bucket or empty it? As in the bucket gets full and we have things that can make us better by poking holes and she said both. She likes being with friends but maybe they fill her up and she becomes overwhelmed. We have close families, no real family traumas I’ve seen disadvantaged children with questionable parenting and they don’t have the sensory issues my daughter has or behaviors. She gets really hyper at times, wanted an adhd sofa, gets bored at school, she can’t stop her anger. She told me once she just can’t help it. Interrupts you, will talk to you but dont something back she gets so angry and is quite frankly really rude. Things have to be done a certain way, at home she’ll only eat with certain cutlery, trays, food has to be separated hates eating with anyone as can’t stand people chewing, copes at school but only just, just screamed at me for washing her shirt. Only just got her a proper bed as spend 1000k buying beds that she hated and felt uncomfortabl. This bed has been fine. Thank God. Has to have clothes all over floor, will not fold them. Shoes in certain positions. She has started her periods so is wearing sensory pants and touch wood please God so far she dealt with it as well as can be.
I’m not perfect and my disciplining skills haven’t always been the strictest but has I say seeing other parenting no different. If I ask her to do anything it’s a meltdown. Any advice