I need some advice here. I have a 5 month old little girl who is the light of my life. My mom and I have always been close, but she can be a little controlling/jealous/childish. E.g she always asks if my MIL has been round to visit and if she's seen more of my baby than she has that week she gets annoyed about it. She is also makes it known that I wish for the two of them to take one day child care each when I go back to work. She thinks only she should have her as my MIL already has another grandchild. That's just an example of what I'm dealing with. She also gets jealous when I make new friends at baby groups and when I meet up with them she says things like "you do have a mom you know" if I don't see her for a few days.
I recently had an argument with my parents whilst we were on holiday. My mom basically said that I said something that I didn't say (apparently I said that they ruined the holiday because their dog was misbehaving - he's reactive and holidays are stressful for him, resulting in him barking and lunging at other dogs the whole time. I also have a reactive rescue but I send her to kennels because she can't cope with holidays). I didn't say that they had ruined the holiday, but I did point out that I don't think I can come away with that dog again as it's too much, especially for my baby as she was jumping and getting upset with all the noise. My mom took offence and said that if I have a problem I can just go with my in-laws next time. She then said that I think she's not good enough because my in laws speak nicely and she doesn't (the immaturity I'm dealing with). All of this in front of my poor husband. I tried to reason with my mom and explain that she had started this argument over nothing and is ruining our holiday. My mom refused to take any responsibility for starting the argument and started giving me the silent treatment. Anyway, I said some really awful things and lost all self control. This is unlike me and I'm not sure if it's hormones etc but I've been struggling with PND. I'm not proud of this, but I said if this argument doesn't get sorted and she doesn't apologise for her part in it then she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. I said my MIL will just have her full time, which would have really hurt her.
So the next day, I texted her saying I'm sorry for what I said and it was wrong, which I know it was. I asked again if they can acknowledge what they said was wrong and they caused drama over nothing but again they refused to accept any responsibility and insisted I started things. They accused me of using my daughter as a pawn to get at them, which I was not doing but I can see why they said it. My mom did apologise but in the usual gaslighty way (I'm sorry you were upset). We agreed to disagree in the end and I thought things were okay, then she messaged me having a go because I'd uploaded some holiday snaps to Facebook and not mentioned that her and my dad were on holiday with us. I'd literally put "great holiday with my little family" and she took offence at this. Now she's giving me the silent treatment again.
I'm exhausted. It's always like this with her whenever we argue, which is rare. I'm always the one to make the first move even if it isn't my fault. I know I said some awful things this time but I've said sorry and that I didn't mean it. I don't want a rift with my parents or for my baby to miss out on seeing them but I really don't want to keep being the one doing the running, otherwise nothing will ever change.