To ask how you’d navigate being treated differently to a colleague?

[workwirkwerk]

I’m in quite a small team. My manager is best friends with one of my colleagues ‘Julie’ and they have been since before she managed the team.

I find it quite awkward whenever we meet the three of us, or even with another colleague, because Julie knows the latest updates first, same with any inside info. Julie will also ask us to cover her work while she goes to meetings or events that we could have attended, but because ‘our manager wants her to go’.

Most recently I asked for a morning off as an annual leave, I gave a few days notice which usually isn’t a problem as we manage our own workloads and I knew I would be working from home on that day anyway with a pretty empty calendar. I was told to give more notice in future.

Julie on the other hand took the day off a week later with less than 24h notice of being off and it went unchallenged as far as I know.

I’m trying not to let it grate on me because I only need to do my job, but it does just feel awkward and uneven. They’re all lovely people individually but the dynamic is just difficult! Advice appreciated :)

how long have you been there?

how many in the team?

5 including me, a few years but that still makes me the most junior

and do you have any sense the other two are irritated too?

is the manager the owner of the business?

i’m sending you’re new?

Nout you can do unfortunately. If you raise it you create a Us Vs Them type dynamic if anyone else backs you up. If no one else backs you up then it's YOU V everyone as they'll start being more friendly with everyone else just to ostracize you.

I've seen it happen unfortunately.

I work in a shop and we have exactly the same dynamic with our manager and a team leader. There is nothing you can do, I am retiring earlier than I would have done because of this situation. We have a lovely young woman who wanted to do my specific job but she's been told no apparently she's too valuable on the shop floor but she's realised what they really mean is she will do any shift they ask so they can have pretend meetings together. She too is now job hunting. Staff morale is lower than its ever been. You have my Sympathy but I don't know the answer.

I thought this unfortunately

how long have you been there?!

oh you’ve been there a few years? and this has been going on for how long?

I would start recording every incident with dates. Keep it factual.

Then in 6 months’ time have a look at it. Is it important enough to raise a grievance or is it mostly trivial irritations?

But you do need to compile evidence of sustained favouritism that disadvantages you if you are going to raise a grievance. A few incidents that could be argued with won’t work. You need to build a picture.

all that… before actually just having a chat with your manager?

all that… before actually just having a chat with your manager

Yes, because if she’s accusing the manager of favouritism, they’ll fob her off and her card will be marked (speaking from experience).

a chat i said

not “accusing” anyone of anything