Coparenting

[Girlmummaxx]

Please, am I being unreasonable here?

I have 3 daughters, 2 from a previous relationship. I have an amazing coparenting with their dad but my youngest 10 months old, from a most recent relationship not so great. Dad and I was originally together but the relationship broke down and we called it quits. He lives an hour away and used to travel 4 hours each way to collect his sons. He originally demanded I exchange her at a petrol station (his reason being if I was to meet somebody new he wouldn’t want to collect her from her home address?). I done this for so long but due to things always being hostile I asked him if he would mind a third party (somebody our daughter knows well and who has no idea what’s gone on between me and her dad) doing the exchange for me as I didn’t want our daughter feeding of the atmosphere. He was due to collect today and threw on me last minute “I’m not doing the driving for somebody who doesn’t appreciate it so you either do the driving or we will scrap the weekend”. I have our daughter 24/7 and ask him for nothing. All he has to do is collect our daughter at the same time Friday and return her Sunday every other weekend. He knows I have two other children I have to accommodate and get to their dads and because he don’t finish work till half 6 it’s unreasonable as I wouldn’t get our daughter to him till nearly 8pm when she goes bed at 7pm and returning home closer to 9 myself. I reminded him of this and he’s now decided to not collect our daughter this weekend and that “he makes the effort for her” but apparently I don’t??? Like hello??? I literally care solely for her myself 90% of the time. Communicating with him is unproductive and frustrating, I want her to have a strong relationship with her dad obviously but I am seriously so drained from the arguments and being let down

Tell him to bugger bugger off, if he can't be arsed then he loses out

Just stick to your guns, he knows what his options are so if he wants to see his daughter he will meet the 3rd party. If he doesn't have her then he misses out, simple as. Make sure you are claiming child maintenance atleast!

he lives 1 hour away and also has to co-ordinate with two sons, how old are they and when does he have contact with them (just trying to understand his schedule)?
how well was he co-parenting with the mother of his boys?
10 months is still pretty tiny i'd only be doing play dates at this point, not disturbing her routine with eow arrangements.

He’s being massively unreasonable and although this sounds a mean thing to say, I think he’s looking for an excuse to not bother seeing your daughter for whatever reason. Whether that’s the case or not, don’t give in. And if you’ve done it already make sure you’ve put in a claim with CMS. Based solely on you saying you ask him for nothing.

Claim CMS

Hey,

He actually has moved closer to his other children now so they are within the same area, however he has his boys separate weekends to our daughter as he didn’t want to not be able to give them his full attention and vice versa apparently..
From what I’ve heard he says he despises the kids mum and she also doesn’t appreciate anything. But obviously I don’t actually know what goes down between them regards to their relationship as I’ve only been able to take his words.
I didn’t want to send her for full weekends but after back and forth arguments and him saying he would take me to court for “using her as a weapon” I just allowed him, the back and forth arguments are too much for me

No I agree, I’ve had family and friends tell me the same thing. Which breaks my heart as she is so amazing and deserves the world.

I don't think you're being unreasonable here, but what I would say is that you do need to separate your feelings about whether your ex is being reasonable from your decision about what is best for your children. You have to remember what they deserve, and not what he does.

You've offered a reasonable arrangement for him to have contact, he's declined it. Don't twist yourself into knots trying to facilitate him seeing his daughter especially when he's flinging it in your face.

Put a claim into CMS for maintenance. Next, set up a parenting app such as Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents and tell him that you will only communicate with him via the app, they have calendars that can be used to organise contact (including if contact is refused) and none of the messages sent via the app can be deleted. Let him take you to court if he doesn't like the contact arrangements you've proposed, use the app as evidence to show that you've tried to make reasonable arrangements.