Moving schools - Year 4 - 8/9 year olds am I out of order?

[sarahd29]

Hi

A bit of background, I have a year 4 lad in a school of 93 kids. It's a nice very local school and they've always been accommodating to us as parents and supported us through Covid etc

My son is an only child, that brings it's own issues.
Since he started school his classes have been heavily girl led. This has suited him as tbh most of the girls take control and sort him out to the point of enabling him. As a tiny they'd put his lunch away for him, help him with his coat etc. He's 8 now and it's not as bad but he's still in the same friendship group of very caring young ladies.

All the children are lovely, he's made good friendships. However I noticed to the back end of last year there were a lot of divisions emerging in his friendship group of a core
of 6 (all girls), tattling to teachers/breaking up with each other daily and at 8 I imagine the onset of hormones. It was a niggle but I assumed that he would move away from the group naturally when he cottoned on that dance routines etc were not his thing. He loves the girls and imaginary play, tag etc but I assume at some point they'll want to discuss make up and more and he will move on to other things. It wasn't a deal breaker but..

To add to my niggle he had about 6 months last year where an older child was name calling him leading latterly to shoves and pushes as we got to the end of the summer term. I felt like I was always in the school office. It ended last year where it was decided with the HT that as they would be in separate classes this year it was hoped it would be ended and if
not the other child would be put on report.

He has come home today with another drama. Week 2 and someone is in tears in his friendship group. In addition The other child who went up a class has also regrouped and started his name calling this week. He's not going on report as the HT wants to give him another chance.

Aibu to think of moving him from a school he can walk to, to another local school? The one I'm looking at has more male teachers who are out at lunch and break actively engaging the children. I am not anti women teacher but do feel for a boy it's also important to get a balance and help as they grow.

before I make the decision...

Are all 8/9 year olds like this. The bickering/tattling. It's so draining.

Am I being unreasonable to move him?

Welcome to Juniors. This is what it's like. It gets worse.

And I should add the school my kids are at has more male than female teachers. So I can't see the relevance.

God really, I wasn't expecting rainbows but I've only one child and no idea what to expect.

It's just that he plays exclusively with girls and is taught in a school with no male teachers. As he hits puberty I wondered if having a male teacher might be beneficial to him.

The other school will not necessarily be better, and moving would be a big upheaval for him.

There is a heavy dose of sexism in this post. Boys aren’t any better.

I am not meaning to be sexist, in his situation a balance would be better.

There must be tons of boys at the school, like not far off 50:50, so surely it's his choice to hang around with the girls? I don't see how moving schools would change that.

FWIW I think that most primary schools are pretty shit for boys.

I’m a ta. It’s unfortunately what they are like at this age and it does get worse in the lead up to high school. Just keep going to the school and ask them what they are doing.

He is only 8 years old ffs . At secondary in 3 years time he will mix with more boys and girls . Naturally . What you are talking about won’t be any better at a bigger primary school , more likely more of it . Children fall in and fall out all the time at junior school.
With a bit of luck being around so many kind girls at a formative stage will make him a nice person later on !

My DD is in year 4. So far we haven't had this. But I know every child's experience of school can be different and i've been made aware of some long-standing issues with some of the boys in the class (more boys than girls in the class) that have passed me by previously.

In his cohort there are 5 boys including him. Hes quite old fashioned and loves history/trains whereas the other boys are football. Friends but they don't play as the boys do their footie.

Think I agree, what I liked about the other school was the teachers were outside helping them play at lunch. There was a mix of boy and girl games with teachers helping. In his present school they get kicked out at lunchtime and wonder round with not a lot to do but tell on each other.

He's pretty nice now 🥰

don't shoot me im
just trying to guage if I'm being unreasonable. It's hard to hear of these dramas and not take them to heart.

This sounds very much like the school that my children are in with round the same amount of children and seems there is more flow of girls in certain years! And dominated by female staff and only the ht is a male... unfortunately, this is what happens... my son, when he went into year 4, was having the same issues... I doubt changing schools would make much of a difference, especially if you change from a small to a bigger school... just keep going to the school, and my fingers are crossed that things sort them self's out

I agree. Schools that invest a bit of money in some balls, hoops, whatever and some staff to supervise have much better behaviour at break times, less drama, well-exercised kids for the afternoon session....
Would your son take part though? They're not forced too.

My son is now year 6 and is absolutely fine and no more drama's

Year 4 is notorious for friendship issues, falling out, telling tales etc.
Every year is the same.

Yes that's what I suspected, husband said same as he noticed year 6 seemed so much better blended.

Yes he will go where the action is. Particularly if encouraged by a teacher.

Honestly, I think this sounds like a lovely school and that he’s not had many issues really. I wouldn’t disrupt a generally good thing and throw him into what could be the lion’s den. Everything you’ve described sounds pretty normal for kids that age. And I absolutely wouldn’t be expecting or wanting teachers to be facilitating play in older primary age children. In EYFS, yes, but they just need downtime between lessons to run around and do what they want.

I think you’ve actually gotten quite lucky to find a good school where he has a good friend group. He will drift towards the boys as he gets older probably. Or stay with his girl friends. My dd (Y7 now) has a good friend who is a boy and they still play together, have sleepovers (with all the other girls), etc.

We did change schools in Y4 and it was totally fine, but it was because we made a cross country move. I think it’s a big gamble doing it just to hope for a new peer group, when in fact, he might not find his tribe there and end up being quite lonely.

Welcome to Juniors.
What is his current class size and what is the male to female ratio within his class, as this seems to be an issue for you?
Unless there are no boys within your son's class - unlikely - he expresses a preference to playing with female friends. What is your issue with this?
Does he have no male role models within out of school life to warrant you being concerned?
Juniors is fraught with tension within any mixed or single sex friendship group.
What exactly is problematic about your son having a predominantly female friendship group.
I have twin 6 year olds: Twin 1 prefers the company of boys and Twin 2 doesn't mind either.

Class size 29 with 5 boys (inc him)
other 4 boys are known as the awesome foursome by teachers they play footie etc he's not unfriendly with them but football is not his thing, imaginary play is which they do.

I don't have an issue with him playing with girls, other than this new development of break up/tattle, cycle and my question was not based on having an issue with gender of who he plays with or is taught by. My issue is the tattle cycle and that could be either gender if the class split was different.

The options are send him to a smaller school who have better structured play times or leave him. The question was is this 8/9 year old behaviour normal. If not I'll move him. Reading the threads it's completely normal..

He plays rugby with a nice set of lads, has other influences from dad, uncles, cousins and grandparents, Not worried about it in that sense and have no control of what gender teaches him nor would I want to but do feel a balance is important.

Yes they are like this sometimes earlier too like age 7. If he is happy there just leave him as he would have to make new friends and may find it difficult. DD friends always falling out age 7 but soon make up again.