Mum with dementia in hospital I need practical help

[Zazz101]

Hello, I am looking for help as the title says. My mum has dementia and has just been sectioned. I am just off to visit mum, but I wondered if anyone had any practical help I could offer her.
I am going to write a letter that explains to her that she is in hospital for a short while, so when she gets confused about where she is she can read it, but really hoped someone had any other suggestions. Many thanks.

Is she in a psych ward or medical ward?

Can you take some things that are familiar to her? Pyjamas/wash bits/ her radio (with headphones.) Is there anything in particular she likes doing at home that she could do there?

Is she still living at home and is it likely she will return there?

Something familiar? Her favourite socks/perfume/biscuits?

If you are nearby enough to visit regularly then do her laundry and keep her ‘smells’ as usual and provide photos, which are labelled, of the family so the staff can show them to her and remind her who is who.

If she has been sectioned because she has become aggressive then you have my utmost sympathy. It happened to my friend’s DF and was absolutely awful. He was, though, a little calmed by her visits. Oh and also developed a very sweet tooth which she could indulge.

Best wishes.

This is a contentious one but also consider whether to leave her dentures, glasses, hearing aids etc at the hospital. Sounds awfully mean to remove them but the chance of them disappearing is huge. Order spares if they go with her and label anything possible.

If she has dementia bad enough that she’s been sectioned, I’m afraid she’s unlikely to remember anything in a letter for more than a minute or two after she’s read it.

If you can knit, or know anyone who can, a twiddle muff is said to be very helpful for dementia patients, for keeping their hands busy. Pre COVID I made several for our local hospital.

You should be able to find a pattern if you Google Oxford University Hospitals Twiddle Muff. They can use up any odds and ends of yarn.

I don't think writing a letter would be much good either. You could ask the hospital for advice or get in touch with one of the dementia charities to see if they have any suggestions. The muff sounds a good idea. I've not heard of that.

I'm sorry this has happened.
I think, if she's bad enough to have been sectioned, a letter will not be of any use.

It does depend on the person but a short note that the staff can keep reading to her could calm her. For example “You’re in X Hospital, Zazz knows you’re here and will come and see you tomorrow”

Mum liked to have family photos whilst in hospital (also a reminder to staff she has an active family checking up)
Does your Mum have something she likes to hold? Mine was lost without her handbag.

Depends on how far gone she is, my mum had it off the back of Parkinsons and it wrecked her, she couldn't talk properly, got frustrated, sometimes violent surprisingly as she was quite little and frail.

You really need to ensure you have proper care for her. My dad was my mums carer but would call me in tears because mum wanted to get out the house at 3am to go for a walk or because she thought my son was in the middle of the road alone because of the hallucinations.

Whilst I appreciate what youre trying to do with the letter, this isn't 50 First Dates, this is going to be hard on your mum. She'll be scared, feeling alone and may not recognise or remember you. In turn, this will be devastating for you to realise your own mother doesn't recognise you.

Dementia is awful and I really do feel for you, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

My mums last 2 years were in a bedin a care home getting progressively more unresponsive. I used to drive 3 hours each way to see her, sit by her side and come home having had little response. I started to play her, what I remembered she used to listen to, so Salvation Army bands playing carols, Daniel O Donnell, and the two singers that Vic and Bob used to mock, whose names I can never remember. It sometimes got a response, and sometimes didn't. My thoughts are with you. It's a horrible time watching your love ones fade away. Good luck xx

IMO this is a v good suggestion.

I wish I’d known about twiddle muffs when my poor mother had dementia! I found out too late to help her.

She’s on an elderly mental health ward

The staff will be experienced in supporting your mum and reassuring her why she’s there.
Familiar things for her - pictures/ photo albums, cd player with some favourite music will be nice for her.
If you’re able to do her laundry regularly that will save it from disappearing to the hospital laundry for weeks and possibly not returning. Keep her well stocked with her favourite smellies, snacks etc
Ask if they have a Read About Me form that you can complete to help staff get to know your mum.
This must be a very difficult time, I’m sorry for what you’re both going through

I know there's a risk of glasses, hearing aids etc getting lost in a hospital but people that are left without these tools are at a massive risk of getting delirium on top of dementia which really will make their situation so much worse.

What sort of ward is she on and why was she sectioned?

Her own clothes will be helpful as well as something to distract her. Familiar magazines, something she can have in her hands. Colouring books if she is still able etc. Family pictures. A document for the nursing staff giving information about your mum (her likes and dislikes, previous job, family etc.).

I'm a nurse in an acute admissions unit and often look after people who are medically unwell with delirium or dementia on top. Keeping these patients distracted when they have nothing with them is our biggest challenge.

Thank you so much for everyone’s help. When I say a letter that may be a bit misleading. I have just written where she is, and why and that I will see her every day. I’m going to ask for it to be stuck on the cabinet by her bed. I know she will forget the second she has read it, but I thought if she could constantly see it, it may offer a bit or reassurance as she won’t have a clue where she is. I have also stuck a photo of myself on it !
unfortunately she can’t do anything now, she used to knit, draw all sorts.
i like the idea about ‘home smells’
Again thank you everyone

Any squash or drinks she enjoys, take a few bottle each time you go to encourage her to drink as dementia patients often have a reduced fluid intake. Snacks too. Alot of activities can depend on patients, but particularly female patients, there are crocheted dolls with outfits you can get they can dress and undress, fiddle mitts too if you can source them. Clothing washed in her regular washing powders, and proper clothing not just pyjamas/nighties. Pyjama paralysis is a known phenomena, getting dressed every day is important and can help with routines. My elderly relative with dementia loved to doodle, so we always took notebooks and pens for her.

family and pet photos are good too, and talking points for staff, where she was born, jobs, parents/sibling/children/grandchildrens names and jobs, significant events like if they live abroad or know someone famous. These can sometimes help as distractions for staff if they can say "ohh betty, hows your john getting on as a dr?" etc

Can she still read?

If so, try a postcard with explanation as above. Letter too long for goldfish bowl memory.

Be prepared for DM to get worse. Hospitals are very bad news for dementia patients.

Might be of help later dunno about while in hospital but a lot of dementia patients love having a doll they think it's a real baby and they take care of it , also stops them getting upset , I wonder would she assume that's why she is in hospital ?

https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/living-with-dementia/doll-therapy/

Contact adult social services as she won’t be able to stay in hospital for ever and they need to find a care home I guess?

Have you got POA?

My mum loved a giant teddy bear I bought for her when she had to move into a care home. I tied a label round his neck saying "Notquite will visit you very soon. Until then, please cuddle me. I love you" The nurses said that it gave her a lot of comfort.

Seconding the advice to take jewellery, hearing aids and glasses home before they are lost."