To be pissed off at DH’s comments every time I get angry/upset

[Hardknocks]

I had postnatal depression and have been taking antidepressants for 2 years. I have tried to wean off a few times but the rage etc came back tenfold so I have been back on them for 6 months now and all going well.

However, every time I get annoyed at DH for something and make a flippant remark or something that isn’t wholly positive he says ‘have you stopped taking your antidepressants again’. As if I’m supposed to now be this emotionless robot/permanently happy person and can’t feel anger or annoyance. It gives me the bloody ick but I’m not sure if im being unreasonable.

To be clear - I’m not throwing fits/shouting, just general annoyance. My reply is yes I am, but I can still feel irritated!

I think some women are fine with being able to express irritation over every single micro misdemeanour the other partner does. It's common in the workplace between women too.
I think you should treat others how you like to be treated.
The op needs to stop analysing and sniping at her partner tbh.
I know this won't be a popular opinion.

He's gaslighting you OP and stripping you of your agency.

His behaviour basically means that because of your MH, you are no longer allowed to have a reasonable and legitimate annoyance, grievance or concern, ever again, in your married life.

Is that how you want your life to be?

That's awful of him.

I would raise it with him when its a neutral relaxed situation (i.e. not in the heat of the moment when you're pissed off with him) and tell him that it hurts your feelings when he says that, and that you don't accept him using it against you, and can he agree not to say things like that again in future as its not helpful. Then if he continues to do it...or gets angry and you can't have a neutral honest conversation with him, then you have a decision to make.

As a side note, the only thing that cured my PP rage was weight-lifting and exercise. It gets my frustration out and I am a much happier person now.

That sounds really nasty.
Not kind and not loving.
I think your gut is right and trying to warn you.
He is trying to undermine you and shut you down.
He is NOT a good man.

Don't have another child with him.
Don't risk it.
Work on your mental health, general health and career.

Give yourself as many options as you can for your future.
Keep family and friends vlose and confide your doubts.

My guess is it may not be with him.

Everyone else’s opinion of him doesn’t matter, they aren’t in a relationship with him.

My ex did this, looking back I think the anti depressants kept me able to cope being married to an arsehole. Single and happy now!!

He sounds like a gaslighting prick.
Perhaps your rage would subside if you split up.

You are not a robot or support human without feelings, it's a normal reaction when someone is a useless man baby who can't tidy up after themselves.

@Missamyp this is what I’m trying to ask. Yesterday I spent a long time tidying toddler DD’s room and sorting it out. He came in with her, made pillow forts, got all the teddies out, left it in a complete mess. Was I in the wrong to say ‘I’m frustrated that you left it in a mess for me to clean up again’. I don’t think that’s sniping but then again maybe it is.

Why was it left for you to tidy up?

If he is making a mess, he should deal with that mess.

I think throwing your ADs back in your face all the time is nasty. I would definitely be having words.

Are you sure anger isn't appropriate?
If my dh left a trail of stuff for me to pick up I'd be cross too (and if I left crap everywhere, so would he )

He's being a dick.
Being messy is very stressful for a lot of people

I think the point is I feel like I don’t have an opinion any more. I’m just expected to be happy all the time, which I think he feels gives him an excuse to do whatever he wants with no repercussions, and until I can successfully wean off the AD’s I feel I may be stuck here forever.

It has made me angry just imagining someone saying that to me. He’s a massive twat.

I wonder how well weaning off them would go for you if he wasn’t there.

It's not sniping. It's a reasonable comment. Ignore the handmaidens.

OP I could have written the second part of your post 10 years ago. Everyone thought my DH was wonderful, including my own family. It was subtle, and it wasn’t until I finally left him that I realised how much he’d been gaslighting me and how nasty he really was.

I came off the antidepressants and never looked back.

Everyone still thinks he’s wonderful btw, and they don’t understand why I left him. They think it was a me problem. But I know.

Edited to say: listen to that niggling feeling.