Feeling pressure to have kids/get engaged!

[beetlejuice5]

I am 27, and my partner is almost 29. We’ve been together just under 2 years.

We spent a lot of our time together travelling, as the opportunity arose, which I don’t regret at all. When we came home we’ve had a lot of financial issues and my partner was made redundant; he’s finally found a job and has just got his first payslip.
We are currently living with my parents and I’m keen to move out and rent a place, but he wants to have a bit of a buffer first which I think is sensible. So a few more pay days. We’re hoping to be moved out by November.

I’ve just been at work and my colleague keeps asking when I’m going to get engaged. She also said it’d be nice if I had kids soon and that my body clock is ticking! I explained our financial situation and the said “there’s never a right time, you’ll be waiting forever”.

I now feel really pressured. We’ve had such a hard time and are only just finding our feet. My partner is being sensible wanting some money behind him before we do all of those things, but now I’m panicking and impatient.
We have spoken about this and he said he absolutely wants all these things, but wants to feel comfortable and settled first.

I’m now sitting at work feeling deflated and pressured!!!

I wouldn't feel particularly pressured by a colleague's comment. You don't owe her anything, least of all an explanation.
I am pretty short with people like that. "Your body clock is ticking". "My body clock is fine, thank you" or "I have more interesting things going on in my life" and "I don't believe in the institution of marriage" shuts most people up regardless of how you really feel about these topics.

Feeling pressured because of a comment from one colleague? You need to toughen up a bit. Tell her you'll do it in your own time and move the conversation on.

I had that for 15 years. I didn't want children or marriage. Eventually (at 37) I changed my mind on both by which time everyone had stopped asking.

Excuse me? Tell the colleague to but out. They need to be told in no uncertain terms its not acceptable to raise this stuff.

How does the colleague know you don't suffer infertility? that your partner doesn't want kids? that your partner suffers infertility and its near the breaking point? that you've had 15 miscarriages and are close to losing your mind?

They don't

Id tell them to fk right off and keep their nose out of my business.

Just say you don't want too, you can't be pressured unless you choose top you are a grown up aren't you?

"She also said it’d be nice if I had kids soon"

It would be nice for your colleague if you had kids soon? Weird.

Never mind about her. Focus on yourself, and your relationship.

So one person has commented and you feel like this?

Nicely, you need to grow a thick skin, ignore, and if she comments again politely but firmly tell her you’ll be leading your life the way you see fit and no one else.

I worry that my partner is stalling as well… I trust him and I think he’s just being sensible but there’s no set time for anything and it’s stressing me out!!

Your colleague is being ridiculous and, kindly, so are you. Maybe consider not discussing personal stuff with colleagues.
In my entire career I've been asked about my reproductive plans precisely once, by my line manager at my annual appraisal a few months after I got engaged and I was up against a male colleague for promotion. I politely told her to mind her own.

You have been together less than two years, you are pretty much still in the honeymoon stage. You’ve got bags of time to get to know each other better. Getting your own place will be the first test before you have kids.

If he’s a great partner and housemate after another few years then 30plus is a great time to get married and have kids.

Sorry but you’re massively overreacting to 1 comment. Just tell colleague to mind their own business, and that asking about kids is very inappropriate and insensitive. For all they know, you could have been trying for years or has a miscarriage. Who cares what others think? You’ve only been together 2 years, definitely too soon for any commitment. Enjoy yourselves!

This is my first thought. A comment from a colleague shouldn’t usually cause this much upset unless it’s hit a nerve or got the OP reflecting and realising they really do want things to happen quicker? OP- any thoughts on why this comment has caused this reaction from you? Maybe that’s the thing to reflect on.

Why does their opinion mean so much to you, it's actually nothing to do with them how you live your life. Some people aren't happy unless everyone does as they did but unless they're going to pay for your wedding or your childcare it's not their business.

Your colleague is overstepping the mark and is being ridiculous. Just say plenty of time for all that. But you are being a bit silly too. What does it matter what she thinks. She's only a colleague.

At 27 you’re too young to have children and you’re not with your partner long enough to get engaged.

If you're feeling this 'pressured' into making major life decisions, from the comments of one colleague who has nothing to do with any of it, then you are nowhere near ready to have kids. How are you going to react to people giving their opinion that you should be a stay at home parent / work full time and retain financial independence? Or breastfeed vs bottle feed etc etc.

Most women are fertile until they are at least 35. Pushing for a baby with someone under 30 who doesn't even live in their own home would be madness

That's her opinion don't dwell on that

Body clock ticking at 27??