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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude Nursery Manager With Terrible Communication - WIBU if I raised it?

12 replies

v485949 · 12/09/2024 12:16

I've read some absolute horror stories of nursery managers screaming at mothers when they pick up their kids, and this is not that. But I am still really unhappy with the manager at my LO's nursery.

So LO has had 4 one hour sessions and she's not managed to settle yet. I like the actual nursery workers, but I'm having serious issues with the manager, and specifically her communication.

I'm a new mum and I've never used a nursery before, so I'm coming at this completely blind. I'm well aware my questions will seem naive at times. But I would have expected a nursery to be used to parents in situations like that.

So, first issue is that I wasn't told how many settling in sessions my LO was due to have, or even what a settling in session was. I didn't find out til the day before the second one that LO was in for 2 more days.

Second, I told manager early on my work days hadn't been finalised yet, and that I would inform them when I knew. She advised I put the most likely ones and we can we revisit it at the time. I finally found out 2 weeks ago (right during the settling week), which meant I had to alter the schedule and only then was I told there was a hard deadline to alter the days, which had passed.

Thirdly, and most importantly, her messaging style on the app is causing me serious confusion. I don't want to sound snobbish or mean but I don't think she passed GCSE English. She doesn't seem to read my messages properly, so a lot of my questions go unaddressed. The ones she does address are either not answered properly or she words them unclearly. I'm HF autistic and unclear communication is a real anxiety-maker for me, but I don't know how to get her to word clearer responses without coming off as snotty, passive-aggressive or badgering. So I often either leave it, or do my best to get the information I need as politely as I can.

And then today, I got what I would call a rude message from her. Again, I messaged about an extra settling in session, as LO has been unsettled and I'm concerned, she states "as [LO] is scheduled for [original days, inc the day I asked for the extra settling in session], this is when we'll have her in". Which bothered me, as she's not addressed my question about an extra settling in session. So I respond, asking (this is what I put verbatim) "so is tomorrow ok then? I'm also wondering about the longstanding schedule change from [this day] to [this day], is it also possible to accommodate that?"

In response, she sent (and this is what I find rude: again, verbatim, including punctuation & spacing): "as explained several times before, we see if we have availability for [requested day] thisday unfortunately we dont. This was explained to you at the door" (AN: in the conversation she is referring to, I was left with the primary impression that it was still an open question, but they had to see about availability, which I said "sure thing" to.)

I sent back a message saying I'm sorry if I had misunderstood something, as I had thought it wasn't confirmed yet. But it's left such a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to get off to a good start with my child's nursery - I brought in chocolates for the staff the first week, and I've said to them "I'm a new mum, I'm anxious about my child attending nursery, I'm sorry if I ask loads of questions/ask obvious things", so I really think her attitude is really unfair, and that her inability to craft a comprehensible message is a real problem.

Husband says I should leave it and we should find somewhere else for LO, but I really want to say something about the communication problems here, possibly to upper management. Does anyone have any insight as to what I might be able to do here?

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 12/09/2024 12:22

I think you should find another nursery. This poor communication is not going to get better. And you need a consistent, thoughtful, manager in order to deal with leaving your child in their care.

Howdull · 12/09/2024 12:22

It sounds as though that particular type of communication doesn't work for you. Can you speak to her face to face or on the telephone instead?

cinammonfishsticks · 12/09/2024 12:22

Do you have time to sort out an alternative nursery? I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that and it's not a good sign if she's starting out like that. I'd find an alternative and then email her and cc her superior in explaining why but I'm petty 😂

Octavia64 · 12/09/2024 12:28

Well, when people are messaging they are typing quickly on a phone.

I have a degree but frequently make spelling mistakes when typing.

So personally I'd not really consider that an issue.

It does sound like a mixture of they are not communicating well and you are overly
anxious.

If she is the manager and you have sent multiple questions then she isn't going to necessarily have time to answer them during the day as she may be busy doing her job.

Nurseries do normally need to know what days you want as they need to plan staffing. If you said to her "I don't know what days I need" then it sounds like she did what she could and put your child down for some days so that you could change it when you knew.

Having said that if you are not happy with the nursery then at the end of the day you are the client and you can go elsewhere.

I wouldn't get your expectations too high though.

Grrrrrrrrr8 · 12/09/2024 12:39

If you're happy with staff and have no other issues, I'd ignore the problems with the manager.

I could have written similar about my DC's nursery. The manager is incapable of writing an email that makes sense, doesn't respond to all your questions and is generally disorganised. If she's down with the kids for breakfast, she quite often has a right face on her as well.

(Example: I was owed 10% off first set of fees but it wasn't taken off the invoice. When I told her, she said just take it off yourself. That led to months of the credit team chasing me for unpaid fees.)

But, all that said, DC like her, she's not involved in day to day care and she is usually better to engage with in person. My DC love nursery and the manager's inability to write an email doesn't affect them.

v485949 · 12/09/2024 12:54

@Grrrrrrrrr8 are you allowed in to the nursery? I was told parents weren't allowed in as it would confuse the little ones.

OP posts:
Callaphone · 12/09/2024 13:09

Find another nursery. That's your no.1 priority. Complaining is further down the list.

You walking away would say plenty.

v485949 · 12/09/2024 13:13

@Octavia64 I have a PhD and I misspell words and add typos all the time. Spelling doesn't have to be perfect to make perfectly intelligible sentences. I cud mjspel everi wird in tihs sentance and you can still understand my meaning well enough.

The issue here (relating to the manager's language) is the word choice, syntax and punctuation, and also the mood she's choosing to respond in. Instead of throwing out a "I'm sorry, I thought I'd explained, we can't do Wednesdays", she sent me that snotty series of disjointed sentences.

It would massively reduce our interactions, and her time responding, if the communication was clearer and more succinct.

OP posts:
xILikeJamx · 12/09/2024 13:42

She sounds very much like the owner of the nursery our ones went to. She wasn't generally there day to day though and otherwise the place was great.

We used to get chardonnay-fueled stream-of-consciousness emails that went on for pages with no paragraphs and wild spelling on Friday evenings. Usually moaning about the government and how they were making no money, whilst also driving a massive new Merc or BMW SUV every year, 'Grand Designs' house on land with a forest on the edge of town etc.

rickandmorts · 12/09/2024 14:56

Oh my god, is your nursery manager my nursery manager? Very similar issues. When we got our first bill I messaged and queried why the deposit I paid when we looked round hadn't been taken off. She replied in a really snarky tone saying it wasn't a deposit (which she had called it originally) it was a holding fee which included a bag and blanket when she started. None of that was mentioned! I find poor communication really hard as I'm a very literal person and don't always read between the lines and I get the impression NM is annoyed at me now whenever I see her Confused

v485949 · 12/09/2024 17:28

@rickandmorts how are we meant to trust these awful people around our kids?

OP posts:
rickandmorts · 12/09/2024 18:32

I know @v485949 but luckily, similar to what you said, the girls that I deal with and actually do the looking after are really nice and my daughter seems to like them!

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