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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider sending my DBs an arsey text message to let them know that DS did, in fact, have a lovely birthday?

24 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/04/2008 21:19

Since I've not heard from either of them today, all day. Yet last week, for DD's birthday, they were falling over each other to arrange to come and see her and in fact, attended her birthday party - laden with presents.

I've not done so, but, really feel like it. Something along the lines of

"DS had a lovely birthday today, thanks for asking".

OP posts:

littlelapin · 19/04/2008 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muppetgirl · 19/04/2008 21:25

Am assuminmg db is your brother? ! of my brother's is great and the other is crap at remembering ds's birthdays. We send our neice and nephews pressies and if either ds asks why uncle doesn't send any presents we will tell them because uncle is crap! (But it's not cousin and 's fault)

utterlyconfused · 19/04/2008 21:26

Hmmm. When I saw the thread title I thought "well, you can't expect too much from men" but if seeing your post, grrrrr. I know exactly how you feel, my SIL hasn't done anything about any of my three dcs' b'days in three years (they are 9, 7 and 6 yesterday) and yet their cousin, who was one last week was thoroughly spoilt. And, to add insult to injury, she produced said cousin's beautiful and expensive present at a family gathering at Easter where we were all present, because she was going to be abroad for the b'day.

TBH, I wouldn't say anything. I know it's tempting, but... oh I don't know. I think it might be better to save it up for next year and then say something along the lines of "I would really rather you didn't come/give presents/whatever unless you're going to do the same for both. It's very confusing for ds and I really don't know what to say to him."

It really makes you feel sick, doesn't it?

Spidermama · 19/04/2008 21:27

I'd get busy with those texting fingers QV. Or get your ds to make them cards to say 'I had a lovery baffday and mummey buyed me sum craons' with a cute picture. Surely the guilt button will be pushed.

KatieScarlett2833 · 19/04/2008 21:28

Say nothing and practice your best martyr face for the next time you see them.

hazygirl · 19/04/2008 21:29

we have the same my bil spoils my ex friends kids with presents and holidays,yet doesnt come nr his great nieces,he has taken friends kid on holiday 3 times this year,the girls havent even had a visit ,nothing for bd,xmas or easter,it does make you sickxx

FAWKEOFF · 19/04/2008 21:34

my brother has never bought my kids anything...he swings me 20 quid at xmas...no thought put into anything....his som doesnt even know me really and calls me lady...he is a twat, and i have tried to instigate a relationship.

it will never happen i am aware of this now, i just think h is a big fat shit for not wanting our children to know each other

sorry for the rant....IMO send him the text

"DS had a lovely birthday there was a lovely cake and you're not gettin a sniff cos ur a prick"

SmugColditz · 19/04/2008 21:34

Total empathy.

It was ds1's birthday 2 weeks ago, a big fuss was made, presents bought, cards arrived etc

Ds2's birthday yesterday, my dad was the only person who remembered. Everyone else forgot, and I had to take him and make him sit through his big brother's fist play, and he kicked off just as ds1 was about to say his lines and I had to take him out. I've never felt so torn.

And I felt really let down for him too.

WallOfSilence · 19/04/2008 21:35

My ds birthday was just after Xmas (like 2 days after Xmas day......) & his godparents didn't even text/call to wish him a happy birthday.

I got a little drunk that night & text them saying: "XXXX had a lovely birthday, he went to bed at 10pm knackered!!"

I then got a text from his godmother saying "Oh my god! I always get mixed up & think it's tomorrow!"

& one from his godfsther's wife (even though I had text his phone) saying: "XXX has been sick for days, XXXX will get his pressies soon"

I replied that it wasn't about pressies as he got enough for Xmas, but we would have loved to hear from them.

Not helping matters that the godmother is my sister & godfather is my brother!!!!

So my advice is to text, it will make you feel better to be acknowledged!!

soapbox · 19/04/2008 21:36

My two sisters never so much as sent a card or made a phone call for my DS's birthday last month

Yet, they want to play the devoted Aunties when it suits them!

VacantlyPretty · 19/04/2008 21:41

Message withdrawn

jellybelly2007 · 19/04/2008 21:42

My brother didnt even bother coming to see DS2 until he was 7 weeks old. No card, no gift, sweet fk all. When I complained to my mum how hurt I was, she said I was the unreasonable one for expecting him to drop everything, after all DS2 wont care wheter uncle visits or not!
I told mum, I dont want him to move in with me for fks sake, just to pop over, have a cuppa and say oh my isnt he lovely for 10 minutes and he can go.
So yes, send him an arsey text, or I esp like spidermamas idea of the kids sending him a card.
YANBU esp since he bothered with your DDs Bday.

FAWKEOFF · 19/04/2008 21:44

some members of family are just toss pots...i have resigned myself to the fact that i have friends that care more for my kids than my own flesh and blood.....dont let it bring you down, the people that care enough about him are the people that matter

FAWKEOFF · 19/04/2008 21:45

my brother cant even spell my name....thick fuck i am enraged now

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/04/2008 21:45

colditz, soapy etc

I wouldnt mind if they didnt bother with either, but DD (firstborn) always gets fussed over, and there was huge, ridiculously ott debate about when to see her because db's girlfriend (well, live in partner) wanted to be there too etc. My mum insisted on coming over on the day in a "I'm coming over on THursday, btw" manner.

Yet no mention of DS's birthday at all. Got a phone call from my dad asking what we were doing today. They then said they'd come over at about 5pm (DD had a party to go to till 4.30pm). They had only been here an hour or so when they started making noises about going home again. Like they have some sort of busy social life or something.

Not a dickie bird from older brother and 'keen to be involved' girlfriend.

And my mum wonders why DS often refuses to give her a kiss......

OP posts:

barnstaple · 19/04/2008 21:46

Did you remind them last week at dd's birthday that it was ds's today? My brothers adore my dd and she is the only one in her generation, but they wouldn't have a clue if I didn't remind them...

policywonk · 19/04/2008 21:47

Why do they favour your DD?

Sympathy from me, my brother never acknowledges my sons' birthdays - I don't care about presents, but a card/visit/ice-cream would be nice.

FunkyGlassSlipper · 19/04/2008 21:52

Mine never remember either.

I always remember their DCs birthdays, partly to show that I am better than my siblings

Don't text, just mention next time you talk to them that DS had a lovely day and it was a shame that you didnt see them, especially as it was so close to DDs bday. You will be the righteous one

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/04/2008 21:52

Yeah, it was mentioned last week. There was discussion because DS's birthday presents had to be moved and my DB's were there, preventing DS from seeing them.

Dont know PW. Can only assume its because she was first born, and my older brother used to babysit her one day a week for me whilst at work for about a year or so. But that's my older brother - not my middle brother. It's both of them that have forgotten. Apparently.

OP posts:

policywonk · 19/04/2008 21:56

Could you say to them that you'd rather they didn't make such a fuss of DD's birthday, because DS is starting to notice and get upset? Or is that too harsh on DD?

My dad's mother used to favour my brother something rotten, until my mother cornered her and told her that either she shared things out equally between us, or she wasn't to give either of us anything. It seemed to work (but then you defy my mother at your own risk).

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/04/2008 22:03

I could, but i suspect it'd fall on deaf ears. Or they'd be mortally offended.

I cant be doing with the ructions. Hence my still not having sent text message......

OP posts:

runnyhabbit · 19/04/2008 22:11

Ds2 had his 1st birthday a week ago.

Dh has 4 sisters and 1 brother. Only one of them bothered to send a card (which was 4 days late) No phone calls or texts to wish him a happy birthday

Ds1 is 3 in 2 weeks, so they're having a joint party tomorrow. So part of me is holding out that they might send something for that iyswim.

But if they send stuff for ds1, then I will def not be holding back. So for their sakes, in a bizarre way, I hope they don't send ds1 anything.

I really, really feel for you I know my boys don't know any different atm, but I do. And it hurts like hell.

suedonim · 19/04/2008 23:23

Not a single member of my family came to my ds's wedding last year. Granted it was in Paris but as all my relatives except my mum (who would loved to have come but was awaiting hip surgery) live within 20 miles of the Channel and regularly travel abroad I was, to say the least, somewhat narked.

Since then, the only one I've been in contact with is my sister, who refrained from even asking how things went, so now I just think sod em, I'll stick with my friends, all of whom made the effort to be there.

Families, huh?

1dilemma · 19/04/2008 23:35

Strange isn't it
On my dc birthday last year only my Mother and dsis bothered at all, that's 8 Aunts and Uncles and one set of Grandparents who couldn't even raise a phone or send an e-mail!

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