To wonder why he suddenly wants to hang out so much?

[Marlowhose]

Broke up with a guy 3 years ago after a short lived and fairly mismatched relationship. We stayed friends after, but were also friends with benefits. We were close but we didn’t see each other loads. Meet ups were usually initiated by me. We got together maybe once a month.

At the end of last year, he met someone else and I was (genuinely) absolutely thrilled for him. They moved in together in July.

Since he moved in with her though, he’s been in touch with me 10 times more than he ever was. He calls me pretty much daily, we have coffee or lunch together at least once a week, always initiated by him, and he moves heaven and earth to accommodate my schedule if I’m not free to meet.

Nothing inappropriate is happening or even discussed at all. Literally nothing. We always talk about his new lady, work, his kids, our respective dogs.

A friend just pointed out how odd it was that he suddenly wants to be best buds.

I don’t disagree that it is odd but I can’t work out what ulterior motive there could possibly be here.

I like to think he’s just in a happier place and feeling more sociable, but our mutual friend is suspicious!

Why don't you ask him?

I’m not sure how to phrase it without sounding unkind or self involved.

Surely you've had difficult conversations with people before.

Just ask

Maybe he has just missed your company and realised that you are actually a great friend.

That or he is keeping you on a line for sex outside his relationship

Do you think he is anxious to keep up contact incase his new relationship doesn't work out?

But I think that as you have an established friendship and have been physically intimate it seems strange that you can't have a conversation with him which involves asking him why.

The second option i'm thinking.

The new relationship would also find it weird that he wanted his fwb/ex in the picture and wanted such a constant relationship with you - surely? I mean if it were a simple here and there, bump into in the pub, say hi in the street type thing, fair enough - but for him to be chasing you to the extent its daily contact? Hes either seen the error of his ways or there's some type of game ongoing.

I’m stumped, honestly!

I actually hadn’t considered a scenario where he was keeping me on the hook.

What are you getting out of this? I would find an ex contacting me daily very annoying and I would have no interest in talking to an ex fwb about the woman who
they’ve deemed suitable to be elevated to relationship status. Does this level of contact suit you? Do you talk to him about other men in your life?

I value his friendship a ton and am always happy to see him, as I am any one of my friends. I don’t take offence that he’s dating someone and our relationship didn’t work out. We were completely incompatible.

Yes we always talk about the people I date and he’s always very encouraging if I meet anyone promising.

Doesn’t matter what his reasons are, he’s behaving inappropriately imo. Does his gf know he’s contacting you every day and meeting up frequently, despite him not doing this when they first met? It’s not like you’re a longstanding best friend as this is new behaviour. I would be concerned if I were her. I think you need to phase it down with him.

If you’re enjoying his company and don’t have any hopes of getting with him, and you’re not letting any hopes of dating him again stop your romantic life elsewhere, that’s all good. I’d just ask him why he’s suddenly so keen to see you. I’d actually phrase it along the lines of ‘does Julie (obvs insert her actual name here!) know you text me daily? And that we regularly meet up? How does she feel about it?’ The answers to that might give some clarity.

my only other concern would be what any prospective bf would think of me being in such regular contact with an ex. I know that would put me off if it was visa versa.

Sounds like you have enteredplatonic friend zone, which good for you both.

Does he girlfriend know about the meet-ups? If not, then yes something isn’t right

If you enjoy his company, aren’t regretting the end of your sexual relationship, he’s not being in any way inappropriate, you’re happy with the level of contact, and it’s not preventing you meeting a new romantic/sexual partner, I don’t see what the issue is.

He might feel secure to be just your friend now, without worrying that you might think it’s something more. If you’re just genuinely friends then great, but I can’t think of one single friend that I manage to find time to see once a week. That’s the only odd thing to me.

Seems like you're fishing, OP. I'm sure his girlfriend would be thrilled to know he sees an ex weekly and 'moves heaven and earth' to meet up with her.

Have some respect for her, respect for yourself and drop him.

there’s nothing wrong with staying in touch /remaining friends with an ex, but DAILY calls are a bit weird. Especially when the other has a partner. (You would expect them to be able to /want to have the daily chats with their partner). what kind of things are you talking about on these daily calls, and how long do they last?
Going from monthly meet ups for 3 years to weekly meet ups since he’s in a relationship is also suspicious.
it sounds like he is desperately trying to hang on to you.

You sound oddly proud of yourself about the increased contact, and I don't for a minute believe your faux "I can’t work out what ulterior motive he has and I can't possibly ask him" claim.

You're getting a real thrill from this.

He is unhappy in his new relationship and is using you as a default fix and fallback.

He's being quite unfair to his new relationship, imo.

I am absolutely not. But thank you for judging me based on one post.

I am very happy to be his platonic friend but the thought of being some kind of back up makes me cringe.