A Life without Friends

[Aquarius1234]

Is it possible to be content without friends or a partner?
I've tried hard to find both over the years but nothing lasts.

So sorry to read this. With friendships in particular, why do you suppose those fizzle out?

Normally male friends. Unreliable or someone moves away or meets someone.

I've lived without friends or a partner, and now I have a partner/DH but still no friends. It was a very lonely life without friends or partner, but with just a partner things are fine. For me this is pretty optimal, I'm happy and busy with a family life and don't feel any need for friends and wouldn't have much time for them.

I think companionship is important to most people. Do you get this from family?

I have both men and women as friends, any particular reason you have had only male friends. I used to have more than average male mates as worked in an engineering environment for years and only 10% of the workforce was female.

What I would suggest is a weekly hobby group. Then you don't have to deal with flakes or people who move away. There will be other people always. You can then make friends within that group.

Hobby groups and community groups are definitely good. You don't have to become "best friends" with anyone but it can still be nice to hang out with people and chat.

I have no friends or partner I only have my three kids and to.be honest I'm fine got used to it,

I think to make friends you have to see people regularly. Hard to do in these times of WFH and if you don't have kids or go to church. Therefore: a regular hobby group.

I don't think it's unusual to not have friends. Or at least not as unusual as you'd think.

If you're like me, you probably see a lot of people on social media posting about girls' weekends, parties, group holidays etc but in reality there are far, far more people who aren't posting this stuff because they're simply not doing it. Ditto the people who share these details in real life. I'm just seeing it from the few, who also happen to be the most outgoing and extroverted. I think there are far, far more people like myself who are busy with family, work, home projects, pets etc and who maybe catch up with an old friend or two every now and then.

I do sometimes get a pang of regret or maybe even jealousy that I don't have a big friendship group, but in reality I wouldn't cope well with this because I just don't have the spoons for it. My "socialising tank" runs empty very quickly and I don't find it easy to keep up with the demands of friendships. If you want friends and you think they would enrich your life, there's lots of places to meet people (hobby groups, volunteering etc) but it's perfectly possible that you aren't the kind of person who wants that. And that is absolutely normal and not unusual.

That's a wise comment @Fargo79 . Personally, I would like more friends though, so i work at it with varied results!

This. I've moved many times in my life and having a friend group is massively important to me. But it takes time and luck to build. I'd say a life without friends/partner can be extremely fulfilling and happy, but a life without any sort of community or regular ties - people who notice you - would be harder.
There are so many groups these days from volunteering to exercise (including walking) and crafts. Once you find one, my best tip is to look for ways to help people, and also ask for their advice (could be for a TV show/podcast recommendation or local walks/restaurants in your area). Generally, people enjoy helping and being helped, and it helps build a bond beyond small talk. You can also start building in other regular routines, like going to the library or the same cafe and chatting to the staff.

What have you tried?

I sometimes feel that I should have more friends and almost like there is something wrong with me for not having more when you here of people spending a lot of time with friends. However with work, DC etc I just don't have the time or energy to invest in them. I do have friends who I work with and I go to church, but I don't see people outside of these situations, which is my choice.

I also think sometimes you have different friends at different stages of life and just because they fizzle out doesn't mean there is anything wrong, I had mum friends when my DC were small but then we moved house and the friendships fizzled out, which was fine, doesn't mean they weren't good friendships while they lasted.

I hope that when I'm older, possibly working less I may have more time for hobby groups or friends, but if not I don't think it will be the end of my world. I'm an introvert and crave time alone...I really am happy just with my DC.

I relate to your post a lot. I think it is very possible to be content without friends, but I do have a partner and older children, so it's not a complete gap. I do have a couple of friends. I think sometimes I feel more like I should have friends than that I want them? It's hard to let go of that idea.

I just think it sometimes seems impossible to make new friends. Or you get initial interest then it doesn't work out. Internet mainly. I've met all the guys in past on dating sites, but they have changed to saying things like friends only now and I say thar in my profile.

For example I enjoy cinema and theatre / live music but there aren't groups for that local to me. I have joined meet up stuff for that in London but I've just ended up going to the occasional things solo in the end when most of the meets were in evening and I didn't want to be rushing back for last trains. Esp when the people are strangers and aren't exactly going to be with me.
So I've achieved doing stuff solo when I used to find individual s to come with me.
But it's not as interesting without company.

I often do things alone but that's because I want to. There are lots of people with those interests. If I saw someone asking for a cinema buddy I'd be happy to connect over a common interest. Once a month cinema date? Sure.

Concentrate on planning out a nice schedule for yourself that gets you enough social interaction for your needs. Aim to fill your diary rather than your address book. It doesn't matter if you see people at work, or morris dancing or volunteering. This is setting yourself up to succeed in getting yous "social needs" met, and ultimately in feeling happy. Regular meets rather than one off ones are key.

You're setting yourself up to fail if you believe friends only count if you only see them to socialise. That's a bonus if you get there, but trying to achieve that from cold is like trying to do a double backflip before you've mastered a forward roll.

I think this might be where some of your problems lay.

I have a sneaking suspicion that when men on dating sites say they’re looking for friends, what they actually mean is that they’re looking for someone to have casual sex with that they don’t have to impress. Once it becomes apparent that sex will not be forthcoming, they move on.

One of DH’s colleagues belongs to a friendship group. There’s about 50 of them all together and they meet up in different numbers depending on what they’re doing. Sometimes it’s just a trip to the pub with two or three of them. Other times, it’s a fully organised activity. It’s very much a friend thing and not a dating thing, and he loves it. It gets him out and about when his other friends are settled down with their families. Maybe something like that would be more successful?

Yes maybe. I'm just looking for people that don't just judge on looks as friends only no romance. Friends should mean backgrounds / age in theory/ looks isn't a big deal.
Even on the friends apps people expect selfies and in not that kind of person.
I'm average looking with a few hang ups, nothing major. I just want to meet and not care about that stuff.