AIBU new bf hot and cold texting…

[LuluKay]

Long story short, I have recently started dating a guy that was doing some work on my house (but I did know him a little before then too) He made it clear he fancied me and had done for a while and I fancied him too. We have been on a fair few dates now and we do get on well and we have since “done the deed”.

To start with the messages were all day, everyday. And they were full of flattery. Now we still message everyday but he can leave hours between messages and sometimes reads them but doesn’t respond but will be online on social media and there’s only one or two back and forth. He is very busy with work and I do understand that. Then some days he’s back to all day messaging and replying straight away with lots of flattery. It’s very hot and cold. But when we see eachother things are pretty much perfect.

Am I reading into this too much? Is he just busier on some days than others? Am I over reacting and overthinking!?

I think you're massively overthinking this. You can't expect things to be like the initial heady days of infatuation and excitement surely? I would gauge things on how he treats you in person, does he keep his promises/honor his commitments with you, etc.

Can I ask, during the times when he doesn't message for hours m, have you ever messaged him to see how he is? And if you do, what is his response like?

It was like this at the start of my relationship, texting as often as we could, couldn't wait to read them and send them, even when we were both working, but that's kind of what you do, all that initial excitement of getting to know each other. We still txt and call everyday, but not as often, as we both work full time and appreciate we do have our own lives too. I need to use WhatsApp with work sometimes, so to him it'll look like I've been online, but I've actually been contacting a colleague, could this be the case with him????? If he does more texting on other days, then surely he's still interested, he just has more time to message you x

Is he married?

All day every day is not sustainable. I would actually feel relieved on the cold days.

This sounds too needy, If I was him I would feel too smothered

Maybe you are not ready to date

Sorry for being harsh but If you feel the need to check whether he is online on social media every time he is not answering a message... I would give you a very very wide berth.
Dated someone like that once who could not comprehend that I had a job and couldn't spend a whole day messaging. Never again.

If I am busy at work and I receive a text from my husband I will have a quick glance at it to see if it is urgent / important. But if it is just general chit chat and I am in the middle of a meeting I will wait until the meeting has finished before replying. This could be hours later. It isn't always possible to send messages when working.

He's replying the same day, but sometimes it's not immediate?

Isn't that just completely normal if you're a working adult?