To feel hurt when a friend suddenly cuts off communication without explanation?

[Silentfriend]

A friend of mine suddenly stopped communicating without any explanation or reason. I've tried reaching out and expressing my feelings, but there's been no response. AIBU to feel hurt and confused by this sudden silence and to expect at least some closure?

Like some PPs above done this to someone who I knew would react dramatically, sensationally, and unjustly to any explanation I gave (these tendencies were also why I needed to stop the friendship).

I knew she’d also react badly to sudden ceasing of comms but it was the lesser of two problems.

It happens much more regularly than you think, OP. So many posts on here regarding it. I would move on – you don't need people in your life who think it's acceptable to ghost – it's cruel and immature. There are only very rare examples were it may be acceptable for ghost and it's unlikely to be one of those.

I'm ghosting a friend at the moment pretty much. She's obsessed with herself. Anything that happens to me is only filtered through how it's the same or different to something that happened to her. Either she had an experience just as bad, worse, or in which she dealt with it better than I am.

I've spent hours being emotional support for her. I'm not doing it any more. I get nothing in return but it's not my place to let her know she's narcissistic.

@TerracottaWorrier has this been going on a long time? I’m just asking because people seem really quick to ghost and so on. Sometimes people frame your experience in terms of themselves as they think they are being empathetic.

you could say the thread is full of examples.

Sorry but to me, everything about your post sums up the current trends that are going on, especially your last line.

@Silentfriend really sorry this is happening to you. I’ve had it happen and from what I can tell, it’s happening more and could be rooted in a bunch of stuff that might have nothing to do with you. Even if it is you, it’s unlikely you’ll get an explanation. So frustrating, I know. Especially when you’re ready to work on stuff.

I've had this done to me countless times over the years. In my case it's when I stop being useful to someone.

Yes, true ghosting, which looks like it is in your case is hurtful, however there will be a reason why this has happened and you are not necessarily the main character in that reason.

You need to accept that for whatever reason, your ex friend has decided that communicating this, is either not worth their while, or that they consider it more hurtful to you or embarrassing for them than staying silent. The decision to cut off the friendship has already been made by them because friendship is 2 sided.

People don’t cut other people off for no reason. There will be a reason, are you sure you can’t think of a single thing?

Yes but sometimes that reason is about themselves not the other person.

I’ve ghosted a friend after she told me she was having a long standing affair. She’s also extremely draining and negative as a person. I couldn’t deal with her any more or give her any more of my time.
I know that if I gave her the reasons why I stopped, she would twist it and add it to her story of being one of life’s victims. In fact she probably has created something like that already! The fact that she’s never asked why I don’t contact her any more speaks volumes.

Happening to me now OP. Friendship of 20 years. It's very hurtful.

Do you pick wax out of your ears and flick it? Pick scabs out of your hair and drop them on her carpet?

Sometimes it’s not one specific thing that makes someone ghost another person but a build up of someone continually overstepping and not respecting boundaries, being all take take take and you know having a conversation with them about it is pointless because they will just DARVO the hell out of you and by that time you won’t even care anyway so ghosting can be easier than that. Death by a thousand paper cuts.

Some people can only live in the present and feel alive when dumping the dead wood, sort of like clearing out the junk in your room that you once needed but now don't anymore and it drags you down. But it seems we are rubbish at breaking off a friendship in an 'uncoupling' sort of way, maybe some also enjoy the sense of leaving someone dangling, the feeling of control - leaving someone wanting more. Some like to leave debts in this fashion perhaps, they depart feeling that someone still wants something from them.

It can be argued that if people don't have a reason to be friends any more - as in a shared project, then why bother? As a teenager one always has a reason - a sort of shared resentment of authority and also trying to figure out the world. As you get older, that is no longer there.

I suppose a way to deal with it is to decide you will also end the relationship - go through the process of doing that via some kind of ritual, to avoid the feeling that you are dangling.

This happened to me a couple of years ago too. Randomly cut me off and blocked me on SM. I rarely even use SM so didn't realise until a while later. I thought her interactions went cold but didn't know if I was just being paranoid, but seeing I had been blocked confirmed it. I was definitely upset for a while, as it's a horrible thing to do to a close friend. I had always been a good friend to her and was a listening ear as she was going through some problems with her DH not long before she blocked me. (I am married to one of her family members, so I'm not sure if she thought she spilled too much tea on her circumstance, and it may get around the family if I told my Dh?) But we had been close for years, so I'm sure she wouldn't have told me if she didn't think she could trust me, as likewise I had also confided in her. I could be wrong and i have unintentionally upset her, but it's really cold to not just be able to tell someone what they've done to upset you and just brutally cut them off.

She has a reason for doing what she's done🤷‍♀️
If you are positive that you haven't done or said anything to upset her, then it's about her, not you, if that helps.

On the other hand, some people have no self awareness and don't listen or 'hear' no matter how much someone might try and raise concerns or issues. Those people will never understand why someone might withdraw.

Yes really hurtful. I was close to my cousin same thing as op. Last text was hope you well too (from her) xx no info. I def feel op people pure flaky now. My dd went drinks last night for friend going abroad. Loads pulled out at last minute. Lousy

I don't understand your point. Why are you saying sorry? Do you think my choice to quietly distance myself encapsulates everything that's wrong with society? You need to spell it out to me 😅

I stopped seeing a friend once (had been friends for about 7 or 8 years) because I suddenly realised there were loads of things I didn't like about her and that she irritated me hugely. There's no way I could have sat her down and told her all this so I just left it. I assume she was ok with it. There were a few attempts at meetups but I jdidn't put any effort in and took her off Facebook. Then all went quiet. I can say hello quite cheerily when we bump into each other on the street now, I just didn't want to be her close friend any more.