AITA For Not Wanting Time Apart From 6 Month Old

[Cloud9xo]

My son is 6 months old and I’ve rarely been apart from him, apart from the odd occasion where I’ve had an appointment (he would stay at home with my partner) or I’ve had a couple of days I’ve had to work (so left him with my parents as my partner is working). I hate being away from him if I don’t need to. LO’s dad (my fiancé) works every single day so he doesn’t have much time at home, the little time he does have at home he doesn’t spend much of it with LO, I’ve told him he needs to connect with LO and when I’ve popped out for an hour and left him with baby he invited his mum round to help. When my partner is at home and not working, I’ve never taken LO out without him. I only take LO out when he’s at work. He’s getting jealous (even though when he comes home from work it’s still mainly me looking after LO) and came home from work today and said he’s taking LO out to his parents and got him in his car seat ready to leave (he didn’t have a bottle to take with him and didn’t change LO’s nappy). I said that I wanted to come with them as I have nothing planned and I don’t want to be away from LO and he told me he doesn’t want me coming with them and I’m not invited. When we go to his parents, LO usually has trouble falling asleep and ends up getting overtired and upset and the only way I can get him to sleep there is by nursing him. I told my fiancé I have no issues with him having LO when I have something planned but if I’m not busy why can’t I come as well instead as I hate being apart from LO if I don’t need to be and I would just waiting at home for them both to come back. He’s making me feel so guilty for not wanting to spend time apart from LO and saying I’m being nasty by wanting to come with them to his parents and he’s just trying to ‘give me a break’ and ‘bond with LO’. I feel like he only wants to take LO to his parents so they can take over without me being there (we’ve had issues in the past with MIL) and I would appreciate it more if he stays home bonding with LO one on one for a few hours (not him on his phone whilst LO plays on his own) so I can catch up on sleep. He won’t offer to look after LO when he’s home to spend time alone with him but he only wants him on his own so he can take him to his parents without me. Am I being unreasonable?

Being separated from a breastfeeding mum for long periods like this is so traumatic for a six month old baby. You're literally the baby's ecosystem which is why you're biologically programmed not to want much separation. It's much better to be close by and give you a rest at home when baby is fed by wearing baby in the sling for a walk etc. Of course your partner doesn't want to do that because it's much easier for him to take baby to his parents and then he's free to go on his phone and watch someone else look after his child.

I would seriously be thinking carefully about whether you want a marriage with this man. As your baby grows you want someone who is 100% committed to parenting together (whatever set up you agree) not someone who will never look after their own kids. It means you will never get a break unless you pretend to go to work and secretly book annual leave! It doesn't get easier when baby becomes a toddler and has their own ideas and opinions and can't just be plonked down like now. Start as you mean to go on.

Thank you, he’s telling me I’m nasty by keeping LO from him and not letting him spend time with him. But it’s more of the fact that when I’m there he won’t ever offer to look after his own son so I can get stuff done round the house and when he does look after him he prefers going on his phone. He’s jealous that I’m on maternity leave so get to take LO out when he’s working but if I have no plans I would rather come with them both when he is at home. It feels like he wants to take LO one out to please his mum that I won’t be there or so she can take over, not because he wants to bond with him one on one.

Your partner is being a complete arsehole. I had an EBF baby, she's still BF at 14 months now. When she was 6 months I hadn't left her with ANYONE yet. Maybe her dad would take her out for a walk or give her a bath while I chilled etc but I was her source of food and comfort and I would have felt deeply uncomfortable with what your dickhead partner is trying to insist on. And the baby would have been unhappy too. Now at one she is much more independent and happily spends the day with her dad when I'm at work or at an event etc but 6 months is so so little still. Put your foot down. And sorry that you're with such a twatty man.

And to say you 'aren't invited'. Wow. You are with a childish, petty, bullying arse unfortunately.

He only wants to spend time with LO on his terms though, why not at home in the evening? When you're breastfeeding, short bursts of time away for you is better (if YOU want to) and for the baby, not long hours sprung upon you both.

You need to have a serious talk and explain, and the baby stage is so short albeit challenging, once its gone it's gone and you do yearn for it, knowing you spent as much time as you wanted to close to your LO is such a nice thought when a toddler stands before you! You sound like a great mum, don't be bullied into this, he's creating the drama and not actually spending time with the baby when he should be. Anyone can take their baby to their parents and sip tea while the baby is being cuddled my them, thats mot quality time with dad, it's with his grandparents.

It sounds like your fiancé is a total knob. To say that a mother is nasty for not wanting to be separated from her baby?! Wtf is he talking about?! I mean really wtaf?!
It is 100% up to YOU and no one else to decide whether or not to spend time apart from your baby. He‘s gaslighting you by suggesting you’re nasty so please be assured you are absolutely NOT doing anything wrong here.
Seriously consider if this is the type of person you want to marry.

I have a different view slightly from other posters. Could it be that you are becoming very insular with your baby, you don't seem to have any time apart, to yourseld or time with your husband from what you have said. I think it is healthy to get a clear head with some time apart and if your husband never has time alone with baby then he will never learn. I had to go ona work trip when my baby was about 7 months for two nights and it was a good thing as my husband had to learn very quickly to do all the things, I was able to come back with a much clearer head and a little bit of myself back. I was starting to feel like a milk machine and was autopilot with the baby and a bit of time apart helped with perspective.

It sounds like a control issue. MIL wants to do things her way with your DS and to exclude you so you can’t stop her. It’s a really bad sign that your fiancé is siding with her and I would also suggest you think carefully about whether you want to marry this man.