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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help settle a dispute - it's a term time missing school one

32 replies

Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:05

We have a wedding tomorrow. Our babysitter has just text to say they can no longer look after the kids/do pick up/have a sleepover etc (FFS!) so long story short we're now all going to the wedding! Really will not be an issue for the couple as they've said multiple times if we change our mind we don't even need to let them know DC can just come along. The reason we weren't going to take them is that it's in term time and DS is in y1. However, now this has happened, neither of us is willing to miss the wedding so having to rethink.

Parent A thinks we should just be honest and tell the school the truth as honesty is the best policy (esp with kids!). Parent B thinks we should say DC is ill and will be back on Monday (We don't work Fridays so that would be fine and seems more believable to have 48 hours off)

Opinions?

YABU: tell the truth
YANBU: lie

OP posts:
Darkfloods · 11/09/2024 20:07

Will your child tell his teacher?

Original poster
Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:09

Darkfloods · 11/09/2024 20:07

Will your child tell his teacher?

Uncertain...we're still in the stage where once he's slept anything that happened in the past was 'yesterday' so might sound like the wedding was on the weekend. However (definitely going to reveal which parent I am) pretty certain if someone asks 'are you feeling better' he will respond with 'Huh? I wasn't ill!'

Which is awkward.

OP posts:
Investinmyself · 11/09/2024 20:13

I’d be honest and go down as unauthorised. It’s a day I wouldn’t overthink it. Stuff happens you tried to make sure he could go to school. Then he only misses 1 day not 2.

voxnihili · 11/09/2024 20:16

Tell the truth. It’ll likely be unauthorised but that’s no big deal in the great scheme of things for a couple of days.

I take my DD out for a few days every year and will continue to do so until we get a fine and then have to be careful for a couple of years. It’s just a few days, it doesn't harm her education as we make up for it at home.

Woahtherehoney · 11/09/2024 20:17

Yeah don’t lie - it puts your child in an awkward position as well. Just tell the truth and go whether they approve it or not.

TinyYellow · 11/09/2024 20:18

Tell the truth. Your child will say something to someone unless you ask him to lie, and asking him to lie would be wrong. The staff actually working with your child would completely under the situation.

Original poster
Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:24

Thanks all, just those few replies has been enough to get us singing from the same hymn sheet. Why is it that something doesn't seem sensible until it comes from a 3rd party? Grr.

Honesty is the best policy. Ringing school now to explain (it's a messaging system for absence so no time like the present!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:26

Ps I'm actually really looking forward to going with the smalls! We've not had a family boogie yet. Won't be quite as relaxing during the day and am a bit sad about my Friday lie in going up in smoke but secretly quite excited to see them suited and booted and experience this together🤗

OP posts:
Tapsthemic · 11/09/2024 20:28

My kids’ school always authorise family weddings - even ones happening abroad.

How many days off would this be, just the one? Because of the short notice, I’d be inclined to just say it was a sick day.

I once tied myself up in knots over a holiday that overlapped into the start of a new term by one day. The school didn’t mind at all 😊

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 11/09/2024 20:31

Not a big deal in year one. Just tell them the truth, they will say no worries, have a nice time and put it down as an unauthorised absence. Or lie, your child will likely tell them all about the wedding and they will probably find it all quite amusing.....

If it's a day or 2 they don't really care.

justasmalltownmum · 11/09/2024 20:31

For one day in year 1 I would just be honest.

Original poster
Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:32

Is there a difference between an unauthorised absence and sickness as far as school records/stats are concerned?

OP posts:
Shadowbox7 · 11/09/2024 20:34

Don't lie, sets bad example too.

MimiSunshine · 11/09/2024 20:39

At my children’s school a wedding would be authorised.

But even if not Just tell the truth, as the meme goes “What they gonna do? Shoot you? I don’t bloody think so.”

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 11/09/2024 20:40

Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:32

Is there a difference between an unauthorised absence and sickness as far as school records/stats are concerned?

There is but I don't think it matters too much if it's just a one off. I asked my school hypothetically if they would prefer me to call daughter in sick or fill in an absence form for missing a day for an upcoming holiday to Lanzarote. They said to request absence but that it doesn't really make a difference to them.

SleepGoalsJumped · 11/09/2024 20:41

Tell the whole truth, including that you did everything you could to avoid the kids missing school but were let down at the last minute.you probably won't get fined but if you do it is MUCH more important to model for your children the necessity of telling the truth. Demonstrating that it's ok to lie to avoid getting into trouble is not a lesson you want to teach your children.

ItsAShame2 · 11/09/2024 20:41

I would just say tummy bug. You never know when you might plan an unauthorised absence and then need to tell the truth. At your child's age the teacher is going to assume that their timings were mixed up.

I once asked my children's free government faith school (Church of England) if my children (who were six years old at the time) could have one day off (monday) because I was going to be a God Mother in Australia on the Sunday and physically could not get my children back to school on the Monday as it was a 20hr flight. I was going to bring them to school on the Tuesday.

We were told no that it would need to be unauthorised.

So the head of the Catholic church wrote to the school board and asked them to make an exception. The Head teacher asked me why I did not just lie and say my kids were ill....I replied that it was because I was going to a church, to declare I would bring my God Daughter up according to Christian values and I didn't want to lie to get there?

But once the Head Teacher suggested I lie...I gave up trying to take the high ground. Mind you, the next time we needed one day off for the same school - I did say my son had diarrhea and the next day in school his teacher asked him in front of the class if his diarrhea was better. Pretty nasty of the teacher but thankfully he did not know what diarrhea was so was not embarrassed. You can't win really.

Jowak1 · 11/09/2024 20:56

Just tell the truth! My son is 17 now but when he was at school when he was 6 we took him out one Friday and told the school he was ill. Monday when I went to pick him up after school the teacher mentioned to me that she was glad he was better and guess what? My son turned to her and said " I wasn't ill we were in Centre Parcs!" I just wanted the ground to swallow me up as I don't like lying and have told my kids not to lie so it served me right lol 😂

DanceMumTaxi · 11/09/2024 21:15

Yeah, definitely don’t lie. Kids always let the cat out of the bag, even if it’s unauthorised, one day is not a big deal. Nothing will happen to you if it’s just a one off. Some schools might even authorise it.

BlueMum16 · 11/09/2024 21:19

Dollarydoos · 11/09/2024 20:32

Is there a difference between an unauthorised absence and sickness as far as school records/stats are concerned?

My DD is high school. All absence is absence where authorised or not.

It's one day. They are year one.

Have a fabulous time.

Arrivapercy · 11/09/2024 21:19

What time is the wedding?

Can you send them to school for the morning while you get ready, grab them at lunch with clothes for them to change in the car? Id be honest and say its for a wedding and childcare fell through, school will appreciate if you tried to get them in the half day and it tends to be maths & english in mornings.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 11/09/2024 21:32

I'd be honest. You tried to sort childcare there's now an issue so they're going with you. Year1 won't miss anything. Have a fab time.
Ps we've always told the truth when we've pulled the kids for whatever reason. Interestingly pulling them for daddy running the London marathon for a charity very close to heart got authorised!

Londonrach1 · 11/09/2024 21:36

Year 1 so over 5... Potentially could be fined...would child tell teacher?

iNoticed · 11/09/2024 21:40

Everything you do is role modelling to your children. Think about when you want to teach your children it’s okay to lie. If you want to teach them it’s okay to lie about trivial things to get out of largely inconsequential trouble, then lie. If you want to teach them it’s only okay to lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, then assuming the teacher and/or classmates won’t be crushed by the wedding attendance, tell the truth.

Tbskejue · 11/09/2024 21:42

Tell the truth: we did this when DD was in reception and I was very against telling her to lie to her teachers; for me secrets are a big no and make us into hypocrites. More than likely it’ll be the one time she does tell her teacher about her weekend and it’ll make you look bad