Should I go for promotions with small DC?

[ShouldIGoHigher]

I don't know what to think or do. my usual motto is 'if you don't know what to do, do nothing'. But this time I'm really not sure so was hoping for advice from some other mums.

I have 2 DC. One is 2.5 with disability and the other is 11 months.

I currently work 3 days a week in a comfortable buy very boring role. It's a professional job (similar to nurse, solicitor, accountant etc). Work/life balance is good and the job is easy but very repetitive and boring. My colleagues are all lovely though and they really love the job.

I decided to purposely go into this role prior to having kids as my profession is stressful by nature and I knew I couldn't be doing late night emergencies after work with a young family. So I moved to this role which is office based. I then had my 2 DC.

However I've realised since coming back from maternity that this job is just so boring and I can't get enthusiastic or care about it. My colleagues absolutely love it which doesn't help as they are so enthusiastic and I just can't summon up the joy they feel. None of them have worked front line before which I did so maybe we're wired differently. This job is very mundane compared to my previous roles which was the purpose in going for it I guess.

Due to the boredom I've recently been considering going for a promotion back into the frontline but in a managerial position. So I'd still be close to the action but during office hours with no emergency late nights as the colleagues I'm managing would be doing that.

Id obviously get paid a lot more which is a big bonus now our family has grown.

There's also more professional development and things to learn. I feel I've gone as far as I can now with this role in terms of development. So really I'm just ticking along currently.

The only problem is I would have to work full time hours which I could condense into 4 days. This means less time with my babies.
Also a lot more stress as it's managerial. I don't want my babies having a stressed out mum who's not mentally present even when I am physically.

Another negative would be the babies would need an extra day of childcare sorting. They currently do a mix of nursery and grandparents.

But then a part of me thinks they only stay this small for a short period of time. Should I just hold off a couple of years until their both at school? I won't get this time back but have forever to work and take on promotions. Plus my toddler has disabilities which requires several specialist appointments a month which I always plan for one of my 2 days off a week. With only 1 day it could easily get scooped up by appointments. Whereas now I have the other day at least to still have that time to do something with them.

DP works full time 5 days and that can't change. His job can't be condensed. But he loves his job so is happy with it. He doesn't mind what I do and will support me either way so it's really my choice.

I just really don't know!

Any advice?

YABU - stay where you are for now
YANBU - go for a promotion

Can your husband pick up the slack in other ways (picking up and dropping off, taking days off for appointments etc.)? Maybe you can tick along for another year and then go for it, rather than waiting until they're at school? Can you stretch to a nanny with a higher salary coming in, to take some of the load off?

It really depends how many of the pick ups and drop offs your Dp can do. Also if he's a DP rather than a DH then yes you need to protect your own financial security.

He's a DP not husband. Yes he does already does 90% of drop offs/pick ups. Do it would increase his drop offs and pick ups as it's on his route.

No chance we could afford a nanny. I think grandparents would probably do the 4th day. At least until April when we get more free hours.

The more I think about it maybe it's not such a good idea!

It is actually harder to prioritise your career with school age kids than with toddlers.

Ok, school age kids are less exhausting. You can sleep at night, and weekends are not constant vigilance. But they need you to support clubs, play dates and homework in a way that toddlers don't, plus the holidays are a lot of time.

I'd say go for it career wise now, or accept you are staying in easy job til the kids are 12... don't plan to take a step up when they are in reception class.

You’re not married so unless you’ve loads of money already (you, not DP) should go for the better paid opportunities. You’re lucky to have some childcare from family, which is an advantage.

agree with PP that sleep deprivation in the early years aside it can actually become harder to balance work and motherhood as DC get older. That’s been my experience, especially with teens.

@MotherOfCrocodiles that's something I've not considered. That's a bit of a spanner in the works.

If I step up now it'd hard to go back down.
I didn't think of all the after school stuff that would be impossible with condensed hours meaning longer days 4 days a week.

@Loopytiles it's so tricky.

When me and DP have discussed he said my main driving factor should be for the job itself and not the money which I agree. It's no good having all the money in the world if I'm constantly stressed or unhappy. I went for this job purely for logistical reasons around family planning and it's just sooo boring. So I don't want to uproot everything just to be unhappy and stressed. I won't get these hours and days again if I leave.

I was even thinking at one point in reducing my hours further and working shorter days but the driving point for that was to spend less time there and being able to have more hours in the evening with the babies. Luckily I snapped out of that thought process.

I feel in such a bind!

I would say go for it. I work FT, went back after maternity leave and immediately secured a promotion. It’s exhausting, challenging and can be stressful but I wouldn’t change it. My DD is happy in nursery and with family during the working week. I’m constantly learning in my job and want to continue to progress. DP and i split pick up / drop off as fairly as possible and workplace understand I have a life and that things happen, so I can be flexible when needed.

One thing I don’t do is let my work affect my time at home, I can’t work extra hours outside of the office or on weekends because of my DD, that does sometimes mean longer office days, but that’s fine occasionally.

I have already accepted the school years will be tough, I have spoken to colleagues about this and am confident I will get through it as they did before me.

It's a tough decision to make. I'm in a similar position, go for promotion or stick with my boring easy job with a good salary! I'm not sure I want the extra stress for a bit more money and this week for example my toddler is off sick and I can manage this around work, whereas if I got a promotion sickness might be even harder to manage.

Try to remind yourself that you're choosing between two good options, which means there's no wrong choice. Whatever you end up doing, it'll be a good option. If you're not sure now is the right time to change jobs, wait. If you can't wait, go for the promotion 😅 I know, I'm super helpful.

My point is just that while it feels like a really, really big decision, which it is, it's also not a particularly important decision as either way you'll be happy either from spending more time with your family or from greater job satisfaction.

Good luck, and remember that you and your family will be fine either way!

YES!