To ask what you would say to a relative...

[AutumnalNights]

Who says she feels pushed out as she's the only one who isn't single, engaged, married, or moving into a new house. Should other people in the family feel they have to hold back on their achievements because of her feelings?

I would suggest they grew up.

Well if she isn't single, engaged or married that suggests she has a partner so she has an easy way to fix her problem if she wants to be single or engaged.

Sorry, IS single that was meant to sat

say

You haven't really said much for us to go on. I'm assuming it's a set of siblings.

The sister needs to understand that it's normal as people mature and settle down that they will have less time for the original nuclear family. The sister should focus on building her own life - she doesn't need a partner or a house to have a full and fulfilling life.

The siblings should be conscious not to rub it in their sister's face if they have things she wishes she could have. They can and should of course celebrate, but they don't need to talk on and on either.

Basically, all sounds very normal. Everyone just needs to show each other a bit of consideration rather than ramping up the drama.

Unless everyone is completely wrapped up in their lives, neglecting their relationship with her and actually is pushing her out, what she is probably feeling in reality is a mixture of envy, sadness and a sense of not "keeping up". If that's the case, I don't think people need to hide their achievements or life events, but it would be kind to offer some support because families aren't just about celebrating the good times; they're also about offering a handhold or practical help when someone is struggling and needs it.

Unless she has form for being a bit of a drama queen and she just doesn't like the limelight being elsewhere, in which case obviously don't pander to it.

She has a choice, either embrace all the positives of her freedom and make the most of it or proactively change it ie look for someone if that's what she wants. But stop the whinging. Nobody likes a whinger.

"your happiness isn't our/my responsibility
only you can make your self happy and fulfilled
and just because of your circumstances, that doesn't mean we should be quiet or cant share ours"

might be blunt but if she's woe is me and feeling jealous a clear point has to be made

don't have to be said nastily but i would be making it very clear im not buying in to woe is me attitude or guilty for her lifestyle

She's not all that bothered about a relationship actually. She just feels overlooked and like anything she does is insignificant compared to everyone's engagements, marriages. New homes etc...

I’d give them a hug and remind them that their turn will likely come at some point. Other people shouldn’t have to hold back, but if this person is usually nice and supportive and has just confessed how they feel, then they deserve kindness.

Well what is she doing? Engagements, weddings and house purchases are some of the biggest milestones any of us go through. They will attract more attention than a lot of other things.

New babies only more so.

You need to give more specifics OP.

Well she hasn't done any of that yet but wants her own place but finding it tough as a single person to achieve that.
I know some people see success as only the above so I guess that's why it bothers her.

I suppose you have to make an effort to celebrate her achievements however minor they are in comparison with marriages or pregnancies. Don’t tell her that her time will come and you will focus on her baby then - it might never come or you might be too old or busy or whatever. Give her love and attention now.

But at the same time remind her that life is the case of swings and roundabouts.

My best friend has remained single and childfree and I know she's struggled with what you describe at times.

It's not about success, as such. But the milestones you've mentioned are some of the most significant in someone's personal life. Family is personal life, so they will care about that. The milestones also change the structure of the family so of course that's a big deal (but again I wouldn't call them successes as such). Wrt something like, say, a promotion they may be happy for the person but they don't have the same career so actually colleagues probably would care more. Also no one wants to hear at length about the ins and outs of someone else's job, so work stuff will only get so much attention at home. If that makes any sense at all.

Yes the siblings should of course take an interest in the sister's life and what's going on with her, but it's not realistic to think that the extended family will care about a holiday, say, to the extent that they'll care about a wedding or a new house.

But again, you're not giving us much to go on! Either side could be being genuinely awful or it could just be a minor thing.

She’s not unreasonable. This happens all the time. Families can be quite excluding in this way - not deliberately but by not thinking and being very conventional in what they celebrate.

And celebration suggests valuing. So if an engagement is celebrated for one person as their life milestone but she has different aims for life, are you celebrating her life milestones? Even if they’re not the conventional ones.

Probably not.

And she may have rather more complex feelings about being single etc than you realise. If you’re feeling “unsuccessful” about not having a relationship, for example, you might pretend you don’t much care. But that might not be the whole story.

My siblings are married with children, I'm single with no children and haven't had a date never mind a partner for a long time, I don't begrudge them for this but I have been treated differently by one of them by being reminded and told that I don't have a family as I don't have these.

Buying or renting a house on your own is expensive and does require a good salary, pretty much equal to a couple.

No one should have to down play their achievements but please make sure they don't put down someone else whilst celebrating what they have achieved.