AIBU to stop feeding my baby?

[MotherOfABoobAddict]

Posting in here for traffic (sorry).

DD is 20 months old. I was hoping to breastfeed her until 2 and then gently wean her off the boob altogether.

The problem is she doesn't want to eat anything else!

She's been in nursery full time since she was 8 months old and has never taken a bottle, so for the last year she's had to eat during the day. Last year she was in the baby section and was given baby food. This year she's in the small child section and hopefully her meals will be a bit more interesting. They always tell us she didn't eat much, and she is always hungry when she gets home. It's like she goes on hunger strike until she sees me and can have milk. When we get home she screams for milk and then of course doesn't want her dinner.

On very rare occasions she will decide she wants to eat and surprise us by eating a full meal. The next time we offer her the same thing she will refuse it completely. Sometimes we go through phases of her reliably eating a couple of things so we give them to her a lot, and then suddenly one day she'll decide she doesn't like it anymore and will refuse. (Picking blueberries up off the floor as we speak.)

She doesn't sleep through the night, probably because she's hungry.

WIBU to just stop breastfeeding her? Will it make her eat food if the alternative is starving?

Or is there a gentler way of doing it?

She's my last baby and I don't really want our breastfeeding journey together to end in screaming and trauma.

It's normal for babies/toddlers of that age to have a very changeable appetite, to be really hungry and eat a lot one day and very little the next. Or a few days on/off etc. Milk is a very nutritionally dense food, and so your child will be very healthy on it! As long as she is being offered regular meals and eating something, she'll be fine. Her appetite and the amount she eats will pick up as she gets older. The actual amount of (solid) food that toddlers need at each sitting is surprisingly little really.

My little boy was very similar at that age (and definitely went on and off his 'favourites' regularly). I made sure I didn't bf him just before a meal. But apart from that, it was pretty flexible. If you don't want to stop bf, there is no need to. It'll resolve in time. Just keep offering plenty of variety, food-wise, and lots of praise when even just a little is eaten. As she gets older she'll gradually eat more.

No advice as such as not been in this position myself, but I didn’t want it read and run.

It sounds like she’s holding out for the milk which is making her hungry and sleeping badly. What’s the difference really between now and 2years. You’ve done amazingly but she would likely benefit from a more varied diet now, there’s no harm in giving it a go.

good luck 🤞🏻

You can stop (or not start in the first place) for whatever reason you want OP. Your body, your choice :)

P s. Also, to answer your question if she'll eat food if the alternative is starving, if no longer bf... It's hard to say. Toddlers can have a very small appetite some days and eat very pickily regardless of the milk situation. At least with the milk, you know she's getting a very healthy, nutritionally dense food in addition! My youngest stopped bf at 3, but slowed down a lot after about 2. His appetite didn't change much at these times to be honest! I still have to do lots of persuading (and bribing!) to get him to eat!

I agree with everything @Somethingsnappy has said. Both my kids were similar at that age. I always found it reassuring that they were getting good nutrition from my milk even on days they weren’t eating much.

It sounds like she's holding out for milk psychologically, but obviously it's not enough for her physically, so you probably do need to start active weaning - usually dropping a feed a day, ending with the before bed feed.

I'm in the same position. Thinking of stopping bf myself, because DC is small for their age... How is your DD weight wise OP? I asked a doctor about this when we were seeing him for an unrelated issue, and they said to go on bf until 2 but to stop feeding overnight so that they're hungry when they wake. Easier said than done...

There is a Facebook group called Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond. Well worth joining for advice and support. They generally encourage continuing until baby self weans but not everyone does this and you will get advice on gentle weaning if that’s what you choose to do.

My toddler goes through phases of barely eating.

Not still breastfed, but I always give her two bottles of formula milk, so she's at least getting something that has all the nutrients she needs when she doesn't eat.

My point is that you might wean your DC and still end up giving them milk!

Ds3 was about 2 when I stopped day time bf. He was similar, with a CM in the day but would bf as soon as we got home about 4.30pm. I just pushed the feed back a bit every day until it was just a bf before bed. Took a couple of weeks and he was NOT impressed. I might have used chocolate buttons as distractions 😂

We carried on with just a bf before bed until he was 3yrs 4months. Then he started nursery (school nursery) in September and all of a sudden he just seemed far too old! Dropping that last bf was definitely the hardest though, he was still 'lunging' about 3 months later.

If anything I'd want to keep breastfeeding as it's such good nutrition because some children will do this even without being BF.

She weighs 10kg. I don't think she's underweight but at her last doctor's appointment they noted that she had not gained any weight in the last 3 months. I do think she needs more calories.

Very similar position to us then! We've been referred to a dietician, who have basically advised us to put double cream in everything! Pasta sauce, soup, even in with milk on Weetabix! My DC eats so little that it doesn't seem like it will make much of a.difference, but double cream is so calorie dense that a little goes a long way. Also, peanut butter is very good for weight gain too.
My other DC.was the same, and (with the doctor's blessing) I used to make a milkshake with full cream, double cream, banana, sometimes chocolate, sometimes honey. I blended it with a hand blender and this was far easier to get down than solid food. You can add frozen fruit too to make a smoothie (but DC wasn't so keen on the texture.) This was very effective even if they didn't drink half of it!

Do you want to still continue? I wonder about whether you'd be happy expressing into a cup? You can then dictate how much she has. Then can offer it alongside her dinner. At that stage my daughter was only feeding at night to get to sleep. We stopped at 21 months as my milk dried up and she was happy with a cup of cows milk. It was actually very easy for us.