I'm sorry.
I'm in a similar situation. I work with several children and young people no longer in school after being utterly failed. I glimpsed into my own child's possible future, he is awaiting ND assessment and his early years have been a rocky road. I am well aware that you have to let a child struggle/fail to a degree to get an EHCP. I refuse to let that happen.
We made the decision not to have another (planned and much wanted) child and threw everything into finding a small, nurturing school with small class sizes and an emphasis on pastoral support. Our son is thriving there, he has reciprocal friendships, he is happy. There is no way we can move him. I refuse to let our sacrifices be for nothing. The school is tiny, I have no idea if it will survive.
We live in the catchment of an "outstanding" school but several children have moved over to my son's school, especially if they have SEN. They assure us we made the right decision in our school choice.
At the moment my child costs £0 per annum to the state. We fund his education and therapies as we aren't eligible for NHS services. I'd much rather not have to pay the vast majority of my salary towards school and therapies but the alternative was not an option for us. I earn similar wages to a nurse, in the South East.
The last few months have been so eye opening. I will not forget the Labour MPs glee, their dismissal of children like mine and families like mine. I will not forget the vitriol on Mumsnet and X.