Dont know how to leave

[Mermaidsden]

hi just re-posting here as I think I posted in the wrong place before.

I am looking for some helpful kind advice. I have become so desperately unhappy in my marriage. I am the main bread winner and pay for almost all of our outgoings on a small wage, we have 2 young DC who I also do everything for including the cooking, cleaning, bathing, putting to bed, getting up and ready for school, life admin and paperwork, shopping. DH does nothing in the house at all or outside (garden wise/mowing/general upkeep and maintenance of the home). His social life is extremely full and he is somewhere almost every evening whilst I am left at home trapped 😓 not to mention the ‘sexting’ another woman whilst I was pregnant. I dream of leaving him but could not bear to be without my DC, even more so I could not bear the fact that if we did split, he would not take care of them he would take them and they would be with his mother and sister. I have always tried to get on with his sister but she is an awful awful person. I have been keeping ALOT of distance from because of her behaviour and I would not want her spending any time alone with my DC (if we were to split i know DH would just move straight back to live with his parents and sister .) I guess what I am trying to ask is how can i keep my DC safe away from awful SIL if we were to split. I feel so trapped.

Well, you can't but you are trying to predict the future which you also can't. He may not move in with them, he may not want to see the kids, the kids may not want to see him and they can't be legally forced to.
You can only work with the facts you have right now. And right now getting rid of this man is going to make your lives 1000% better.

Thanks :) I know I would be much happier. Im nearly 100% that he would just move back to live with his family though, he would not search for a property of his own I am very sure of this. He does love the children very much so he would want to see them, but I know that for them to see him they would also have to see his sister and I cant bear the thought of her being alone with my children (I have very good reason to feel this way its not a ‘control thing’ believe me) I just know how DH is as well he would ‘nip out to see his friends’ (leaving kids with his mother and sister) ‘need to go somewhere’ etc etc…

Is your sil quite so bad that her seeing your kids once in a blue moon will be considerably worse than a lifetime with a father who sets a very bad example of how to be a decent human being, a functional father and a caring husband? Is it worse than living with mum who feels unloved, frustrated and overwhelmed? Is it worse than never having an example of what a good caring relationship ever in their life?
It wouldn't be for me unless sil is an abusive alcoholic, sex offender or an ax murderer. But I don't know your circumstances.
What I do know as a child of divorced parents is that their divorce was the happiest day of my life and I am forever grateful that I grew up in a stable home with loving adults (we moved in with my grandparents) and saw with my own eyes what a good relationship is supposed to look like when both parties care for each other and share the load.

Thank you for your advice Shes not an ax murderer no 😅 but she has smacked my DC right in front of my very eyes one time when we were visiting and her response to me was ‘I’ll do what I like this is MY home’ But I do know that the children can see how unhappy I am , just last night DH was off again, DC were being particularly active shall we say and I burst into tears after a long day at work, I just couldn’t hold it in in-front of them.

If there is any indication of her abusing your children, you report it as a safeguarding issue. I think courts will take a dim view of your soon-to-be-ex husband if he can't provide safe environment for his children.

Given the history with the SIL you will definitely be able to specify that your children are not to spend any time around your SiL if you have a court order.

This makes me feel better