To join the PTA?

[EverybodyWantsTo]

DD has started school this week and someone at the gates was talking about joining the PTA.

DD went to a different nursery from everyone so I'm keen to make some local friends with kids in her school or class. I work part time but also have other younger DCs so not a great deal of time on my hands.

Is it a good way to make friends? Or a lot of thankless effort? Is it difficult to back out if it's not for me? And are they full of nice people or pushy, competitive parents?

Would be interested in hearing anyone else's experiences please!

I suspect it's very much down to the individual school and PTA.

I joined mine at 2 schools (infants and juniors). The people were nice enough, and it helped me to get to know an increased number of others, but we didn't really become friends.

However, I think the (mostly thankless) work we did for the school was also worthwhile and my PTAs weren't at all pushy - they were grateful for any help offered, however small, and didn't force people into doing more than they were comfortable with.

Its both a good way to meet people and a thankless task though we did good things as the budgets were cut so much. Depends on what your PTA is like. When I first joined they were cliquey and rude but then those parents left and it was great for most of the rest of the time. You can join and if its not for you then just disappear quietly or just offer to do a few things. You still the get the people that don't help sneering at the people who do. I met a lot of fun people and I'm glad I did it.

If I were you I’d volunteer to help at events but not full-on join if you’re new to the school - easier to get a sense of it that way. Mine are a lovely bunch but they take on far too much and I realised that my happy medium is “will work like a dog at events to help but hard no to planning / organising/ endless meetings”.

It can be a thankless task but every parent needs to be bloody grateful that there's anybody willing to step up and do it. I can't join up as a real member because of a number of other commitments but as and when they've got events coming up, if I'm in a position to help I will - but it's rare to be honest!

I would be really honest with them about what time you can offer up... so be careful taking ownership of tasks and things that you know you'd struggle to get done. But I'm sure it's a great thing to be involved with, and yes I'm sure if you needed to back away at any point, they'll be understanding.

It is a good way of meeting other parents, you may or may not make friends through it and it can give you a feeling of being involved in your DD’s school life.

But do not turn into one of those parents on the PTA who feel self righteous because they are on the committee and help out and put in an effort with organising events, etc. The ones that moan how it’s sad that so few parents want to help, etc. etc,

Not every parent has the time or will to do the same.

Our school PTA is lovely. I'm involved/ volunteer but not on the committee. It is nice, especially working full-time, to be able to get involved in some of the school life things where I can.

This is what i did. Couldn't commit to regular meetings but would volunteer for a 3 hour shift at a cake sale once a year. Thst was enough involvement. I met some lovely parents, I can never understand the MN allergy to the school gate! And other parents can save the day when you've a work clash etc

Thanks, sounds like maybe just doing events could be the way to go then.

I volunteered at my kids school. It gave me an insight to the school and it was certainly appreciated but I didn't make friends through it. I did make friends as each class had a weekly drop in coffee morning at a local cafe. Drop off was 8.30 so early enough for even those who worked to drop in for a quick one. Those with a more flexible schedule went almost every week. There were regularly 10 of us. I still meet up with the mums from my son's year group and he's 21!
It just takes one mum to start it!

We have a PTA which is more involved in fund raising to help raise funds to go towards things to improve things for the pupils.

We also have a Parent Council and that gives more info about the running of the school, teacher levels, pupil issues, etc.

We had very few parents willing to help out so it's nice for new people to get involved. My ds has just finished high school and it will be very strange for me not to be involved any more. I have been treasurer of the PTA for a few years now.

I'm the Chair of our PTA - joined when my DD started 5 years ago & became Chair after & year. I did it because I didn't know anyone at the school & wanted to get involved in the school.
I've met lots of parents, made good friends, not just with parents of kids the same age as mine; which is useful as you can see & understand what's coming up.
I've got a great relationship with the Head, teachers & staff.
We do lots of great events for the children, buy equipment & experiences so it's very worthwhile & rewarding. Our Head is very good at recognising our efforts.
It can be hard work - a lot will depend on the scale of events your PTA put on, how often etc.
As OPs say, offer to help at a few events & get a feel for the group & set up. Ours is very small (5 committee members), & we only do 2-3 events per term & only 4 large events across the year. Many of those events are low effort (non-uniform, lolly sales) but other PTAs go all out with large scale events every half term. Try it & see.

Speaking from experience, it is a good way to get involved and benefitting the school. But be very clear with yourself about how much time you are willing to give and how much responsibility you are willing to take on.

Some are happy to help on the day by running a stall etc , but not to attend the regular meetings. Others are happy to attend the regular meetings and get involved in planning the events, but wild horses wouldn't get them to run a stall.

I was the latter, but resisted any suggestions about actually being treasurer or secretary or any formal role. Very happy to give freely of my time on a regular weekly basis, but didn't want responsibility.

I made some great friends, we still meet now even though the children have moved on to different high schools.

We also raised £15,000 in a single form entry school the year I was chair. I'm really proud of that. I upped my hours at work after that so just helped at events thereafter but I enjoyed helping out.

Go for it OP.

Thanks I definitely don't want a formal role and much commitment or responsibility! I guess I'll go to a meeting and find out more and see what I can do without over loading myself.

A

That’s how it starts. Avoid!

It’s definitely a good way to get to know the school and some other parents, but more importantly without PTA volunteers the kids wouldn’t get to do exciting things like fairs or discos or film nights.
Go for it. I was on the fringes, no ‘formal’ roles but always put my hand up to do the tuck shop on film night or help out with parents quiz night or whatever because otherwise the same few parents get stuck with it while other parents moan about it all!

Be warned, many parents are utterly thankless and will bitch and moan about having ti bring their kid to a film night or moan about the couple of quid for the ticket etc so do it because you want to.. not for gratitude!

As others have said, it will be very dependent on your school and PTA.

At a school I used to work at, the PTA consisted of three very egotistical, brash women. They were very self-serving in their approach to it (not appreciating that most mums work now) and I'd have felt sorry for anyone wanting to join as they were rude and like bulls in china shops.

At the school I work at now (and my child goes to), it's a mixed bunch. There is one dominant clique of alpha mums and then a few lovely ladies on the outskirts of it. Still seems more like hard work socially that fun though.

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd want to be involved as that type of role tends to attract a certain type, from experience. Rather, I would just slowly get to know your class mums and gravitate to the nice ones for playdates etc.

Ours seems to be lovely and I help out on an as and when basis. Eg I helped organise a stall for the summer fair and then helped run it. That’s enough for me as I do other volunteering stuff. Some schools also welcome parents coming in to help with reading etc if you want to give back that way. I can’t stand the eye rolling at so-called PTA types, in my experience of our small town it’s the same parents standing up to do PTA/cubs/junior park run/Parent Council etc

This is exactly my experience too, small school and I know everyone from the other parents to the maintenance staff thanks to being on the PTA.

We are very small scale because it's a tiny village school and we don't have many events but twice a year we organise a tombola and a bingo evening to raise money for the school and we also do bake sales and sell stuff like school pens or hats throughout the term.

I say go for it, if you find out it's not for you, you can always step down next year!