To ask for ND child to use a different school door

[ThisOldRodeo]

DD is finding it difficult to go to school. It takes a long time to get her there in the morning.
We can just about deal with this, but now she is seeing a girl that severely bullied her for about a year, 2 years ago. This girl should have been removed from the school imo, but the school made the decision to keep her there. In the real world with adults, you wouldn't expect to see somebody again, had they assaulted you, yet dd has been expected to just get over this some time ago. She is 7yrs old.

Is it unreasonable to ask if dd can use a different entrance to go into school in the morning? She has expressed to me that this would help so much. Dh thinks we should leave it, and try to time it so we don't see this girl. This isn't always possible due to dd's reluctance to get ready for school in the morning, coupled with the fact she worries she will see her regardless of the time.

What would be the best thing to do in this situation? It is very upsetting to see my child struggle like this.

Thank you @Storynanny1 acouple of replies on here have made me feel like I am asking for the earth.

I feel if anything me, and dh have been very soft, and understanding with the school. People ask much more for lesser things. I feel upset, and like I have pushed dd to act in a NT way in school, and not gotten her the support she has needed in the past. We have wanted normality, and not to "other" her, and are constantly learning how to navigate ND ourselves. The girl in question used a different entrance last year, which is why things have taken a turn now I think.

I now realise that a couple of adjustments may be all dd needs to feel alot better about her school day.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for this at all.
You have more than a good enough reason!

I would absolutely ask, it seems like a reasonable adjustment which doesn’t take much to do and will have a big impact.
Although, they may discourage it because others may want to do the same.

If they say no, it may be worth getting there a bit earlier to ‘avoid’ the girl which may help DD get ready earlier too.

Poor little thing.
Is she ok once she’s actually in school?

Thank you, we did have a meeting with the school at the time, and they had a chart, and told us this girl was near the last stage. They said they had other parents in complaining, and it was tricky with social services and her age. They said the behaviour was rare in a child so young.
The headteacher had made the decision to allow her to stay in the school, the deputy head didn't seem to agree with this, but her hands were tied. The staff had to put a lot of measures in place for this child; they weren't always effective e.g the knife incident. A member of staff stopped it in "the nick of time" or she could have stabbed dd in her eye. She is now bullying other children, and has left dd alone. She glares at her, pulls faces, but hasn't touched her.

My heart breaks for dd, I just came home this morning and cried. She was so scared, and said she hates school. Her class teacher is lovely, and she had a good class, I just hate that she struggles. I believe a better start to the day will help her massively.

Absolutely I'd ask. Anything you can do to make this a little easier for your daughter.

Thank you so much @Choochoo21 She is in a nice class, with a lovely teacher. It is the start of the day that she dreads the most, as well as the entire day, but okay enough once she is in there. The thought of the full day ahead seems to sensory overload her, and she is begging me to let her use a different entrance.
This morning she was pointing at the older entrance, which is closer to her classroom, and asking why she can't go that way. She has tried hard and always went in the regular entrances when she in all honestly was struggling with the crowds. Just getting there a little later, but on time helps that aspect, but means not avoiding the girl.

I don't currently work in a school but was a teacher until recently.

This is a very standard thing to ask and many children with or without ND have this as an adjustment if they are anxious about school.

School will be perfectly used to this type of request.

Other possibilities:

She could come early and be "milk" monitor and help the teacher.

She could come late to miss the busyness of everyone going in.

Very common request and schools are used to this and it shouldn't be a problem.

Thank you, we currently get to school on the later side of on time to avoid crowds, and because it takes dd a long time to get ready in the morning, despite getting up earlier.
The girl also gets to school at the very same time, so we're abit stuck. The door dd wants to go in is quiet, has a teacher on, at the time we get there, and at the front of the school,right next to her classroom. I am hoping they will let her use it. It will also mean my other child will still be on time for school, as his entrance is in a different place. It is an oddly designed school.

Would changing schools be an option that could benefit your daughter?

Does your DD not have to face this girl in class? Is just using a different entrance going to help her?

You’re definitely not asking for the earth - I could write a book on all I’ve been asked to accommodate - your request is very easily fixed
I was asked in the 1990’s to keep a tamagotchi pet alive in my cupboard by checking up on it at regular intervals - now that’s what a school would regard as a bit unreasonable!

This absolutely falls into 'reasonable adjustment' IMO. In fact given the history I would hope the school would facilitate any child ND or not if this type of situation was causing anxiety.

I don't think it's an unreasonable request at all, but I would want to know what support is in place more generally.

Presumably your daughter will see this girl during the school day, not just at arrival/ pick up times. So it's a start, but it doesn't solve the whole problem.

Thank you everyone, the school have been in touch are letting dd come through a different door! I cannot wait to tell her when she finishes.
I think dd just knowing that she has been heard will make a difference. They said they are still doing their best to keep the other girl, and dd separated as well. There are measures in place there too, to safeguard not only dd, but other children as well. They aren't in the same class thankfully, they moved her at the time, she had already been moved into every class due to issues with a number of kids, so they had to rejig it all.

That is crazy, I wonder if you were my teacher! I didn't ask for a tamagotchi looked after, but I know somebody who did! 😂 I was 10 in 1995; I loved the 90's, and get quite nostalgic about that decade, a whole new thread!

I wouldn’t imagine this would even be a big issue so yes, just ask and I’m sure they’d be fine with it. An alternative may be dropping her at the office and the office team will walk her down. Sorry your DD experienced this.

Maybe! However I know I’m not the only teacher who was asked to do this!
Ive also been asked to take great care of other various items - an empty yoghurt pot has to sit on my table for a few months as it was a comfort item to a child with additional needs, I didn’t mind at all, they are only little. Tamagotchi I did have to politely say sorry no, I won’t have time to check up on it and feed it
Allowing an upset child to come in through a different door is so easy and straightforward

Would have been early 90’s I think, South Coast infant school

“ only little” as in infant children not the items

That's brilliant news OP, NT kids often struggle with transitions especially busy chaotic ones, even without having a child that bullied them to contend with at the same time.
I hope dd feels really pleased and that her worries have been listened to and taken seriously. Hopefully this will give her confidence when she needs to speak up and or ask for help. It was an easy fix for the school and I would have been so cross on dd's behalf if they'd said no.

Glad it’s sorted and hope it helps your daughter to feel happier about school
Edited because this ancient retired teacher made a spelling error….

Definitely ask, they should accommodate this.

But on another note, where were the teachers when all this happened???
I know things can happen very quickly, but there is also an element of safeguarding that has been missed.

Does your DD feel safe at school?