How did you cut off your toxic family from your life?
I’ve been dealing with this for years. I was abused as a child until I left home at 19, escaping from an Eastern European country to England, where I knew no one, just to get away from the abuse. My sister stayed behind, I tried to help her join me, she never wanted to leave.
The abuse has left me with serious mental health issues. I’ve been in therapy for years, but I’ve realized that no amount of therapy will help while I still have these toxic people in my life.
Growing up, we were constantly beaten. If we did anything “wrong,” we’d be hit, especially on the head. Verbal abuse was just as bad. We couldn’t say anything without being shouted at. I don’t recall a single happy memory from my childhood. When I was 16, my father beat me because a boy from high school messaged me. My mother did nothing. I went to school the next day with swollen eyes and bruises from crying and being hit. My mother told me I deserved it. I should of known better.
My father has cheated on my mother multiple times. When my sister and I found out, he told us he could do whatever he wanted and that we weren’t his children anymore. We were too young not knowing how to handle the situation, so we messaged the woman he was cheating with, hoping it would end things. We had nobody to talk to about this hence why we messaged the woman he was cheating with. When he found out, he twisted everything, making it seem like me and my sister are little devils. He told my mum we have messaged a woman from work and we were rude to her. He did not tell her the full story. A few years later, my mother found out about another affair, but she chose to stay with him anyway.
He is also a heavy drinker and has been for years. My mother used to drink too when we were younger but eventually stopped. His drinking, never stopped. He drinks every day, from the moment he wakes up, and continues to verbally and possibly physically abuse my mother. He’s the most controlling person I’ve ever known.
Eventually, my sister moved away from them but still visits occasionally. I decided to start my life from zero when I came to England, went to university, and secured a great job—all on my own. I’ve always pretended I had a “normal” family, rarely ever speaking about them because of the embarrassment. Even while at uni, they’d always cause issue i.e mainly from his verbal abuse towards m,y mum and sister adding to the stress while I was already juggling three jobs and my studies. Even though I was far from them, the emotional weight never left me.
Now I’m married to a great guy, and things are starting to escalate again. I confronted them and decided to reduce contact, but they’re stirring up drama. My mother told me I should be ashamed of myself for “making things up,” claiming she couldn’t believe I would say such things. She even threw in the fact that if they hadn’t bought my plane ticket to come here, I’d never have made it to England. I couldn’t believe it. After all these years of trying to forgive them, sending gifts, and trying to move on, she accused me of lying about everything.
Hearing her deny the abuse, made me so mad. The same applies for him. He denies and saying myself and my sister are lying.
I’ve told my mother countless times to leave my father, even offering to pay her rent and bills. She’s always refused. I’m realizing now that she’s just as toxic as he is, and I need to cut them out of my life completely.I feel no love towards them, zero emotions. I have anger towards both of them.
Yes, they fed us, clothed us, and took care of us in basic ways, but that doesn’t erase the abuse.
The only family member I have left is my sister. I love her, but the rest of the family cut ties with us because of my father, or he destroyed those relationships himself.