To keep DD 7 home from school…

[Dewdrops1]

Hi everyone,

To cut a long story short….Dd has always struggled going into school and we’ve had lots of struggles with behaviour/sensory issues since she was little. Behaviours changing as she’s getting older. We’re questioning ASD/ADHD, but school were always reluctant to assess as there are no issues in school according to them and she’s ‘fine’ after I leave.

half way through the summer holidays her behaviour has escalated, becoming very aggressive towards everyone, very angry over the smallest things.

since returning to school she has become so distressed, completely refusing to put uniform on, crying hysterically, hitting me, hitting herself. I managed to get her in very late yesterday but she was rude to teachers, running away, shouting and hitting herself. When she got home she was so distressed and angry with me for ‘running away and leaving her with the teacher’. The teachers spoke to her about her behaviour and this has made her so anxious. We had an horrendous night with her, wouldn’t go to sleep as she was worried and generally being very, very angry with us all. She says she hates school, all the teachers and misses me.

im really at my wits end and questioning if I’m doing the right thing ‘forcing her in’ and causing so much distress, she’s clearly completely dysregulated and I feel I need to focus on her emotional wellbeing rather than worrying about getting her into school? I was thinking of keeping her home until we get her support but I know school won’t be happy with this?

I do feel that there is definitely something underlying such as ASD /ADHD that has been ignored by school and now things have escalated as she has been‘ignored, she is academically doing well and ‘fine when I leave’. They have seen a different side to her since going back to school though and the behaviours are starting to spill over into school, like she can’t control it anymore. I genuinely think she is fed up of masking how she feels.

any advice greatly appreciated, or any suggestions of support services I could contact. I’m going to ask for referral to CAMHS but anything else would be great.
thanks and sorry for rambling message, trying to rush it before she wakes up and it all starts again 😢

My advice is unless you want to deregister don't say to school you're keeping her home, say she can't attend for mental health reasons (high anxiety) because that is true and it should be an authorised absence. Are you hoping for more accommodations/support within the school she's already in or a move to a different setting? She doesn't need to be attending school for an EHCNA but they will take the school's input so it can be helpful that they've seen this kind of behaviour. But you obviously don't want to put her through this kind of distress on an ongoing basis if things don't improve, and you shouldn't have to.

Does your budget allow you to consider a private assessment? CAMHS waiting lists are long, 2-4 years dependingon area, and she's already at crisis point.

You can still apply for EHCP and get suport without a diagnosis, technically it should matter, but in my experience it makes things much easier.

Sounds to me like ASD.( My daughter and Grandkids all diagnosed). The hitting you and herself is after masking.. it's her outlet.
We home educated for exactly the same reason .( which isn't sitting at home 9 to3 doing work). It's home Ed groups. .. where they meet other children ..usually with ASD..Libraries/ museums/ swimming etc.
I personally think mental health comes before school.