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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be petrified of DH or MIL seriously hurting my toddler?

17 replies

vannah · 19/04/2008 15:32

This may sound crazy, but I am so anxious every time my husband takes my 2 year old out in the car, for the simple fact that he is (in my opinion) a fairly careless driver. He is very competent at driving itself, but makes some awful mistakes which Im afraid to say are usually about his ego. In every other respect he is a very wise and mature man, but when it comes to driving - he is charged with hormones and does stupid things like racing and attempting to overtake anyone who started off quicker than him at the lights, going well over the speed limit just because the road 'looks clear', changing lanes without checking mirror -causing near accidents, whizzing like a maniac over a a mini roundabout without slowing down at all.

Ive asked him to drive carefully so many times, (he nods but always ignores me) I do drive often myself -but when he takes my son out I literally panic and pace up and down till theyre back. I would go along too, but Ive got a newborn at home...what to do?

Secondly, my mother in law is..and Im not saying this to be nasty, but unbelievably slow in the head. Ive been out with her several times where she's been pushing the pram and off she goes - into the road - PRAM FIRST without stopping to check the traffic. Have told DH - he said it was the same when he was little, HE had to hold her hand and make HER cross the road safely. Furthermore, she will do things like let him run out of the library onto the street because she is busy trying to do something on her mobile.
Now DS is a little older she wants to take him out, and he wants to go with her.
Ive asked DH to deal with it but he wont, so do I succumb to being the villain and telling her "NO, you cant go out anywhere with my son because you are careless"

????AM I over-reacting?
thankyou and sorry for the very long ramble

OP posts:
Broodybabywannabe · 19/04/2008 15:42

well i dont think YABU but i dont see hwat you can do ???

Kimi · 19/04/2008 15:45

I don't think you should let her take you child out alone.

As for the driving thing apart from not letting your DH take his son out I don't see what you can do.

Notalone · 19/04/2008 20:10

I am surprised you have not got more responses to this.

YANBU - your MIL sounds like a liability. I am sure she means well but she needs to understand how worried you are and what her lack of awareness could mean in relation to your DS. How would she react if you tried to talk to her?

In relation to your DH, again I can see where you are coming from. Your DS is also your DH's DS but if he is putting him in uneccessary danger he needs to sort his driving out, at least when your DS is in the car. Is he aware of how strongly you feel? Would showing him this thread help do you think?

edam · 19/04/2008 20:14

They both sound completely bonkers. Mind you, not surprised your dh has grown up with a bizarre attitude to risk if, when a child, he was the one showing his own mother how to cross the road.

I would definitely stop MIL taking ds out. Dh is tougher because it seems extreme to stop a father driving his own child and would make your life very hard. You have to decide if you can bear to let dh do it. I dunno, maybe buy him some advanced driving lessons as a present (the advanced bit might just make him think it's a treat, rather than a criticism)?

Alambil · 19/04/2008 20:16

Why not buy DH an IAM driving course for his birthday (Institute of Advanced Driving) or the RoSPA (Royal Society for Prevention of Accidents) one?

NotABanana · 19/04/2008 20:27

All I will say is if my husband drove our children like yours drives yours he wouldn't do it a second time. Nor would my MIL have sole charge of the children.

If your husband remembers how his mother was why can't he see that he is being as reckless with his son as his mother was with hers?

peacelily · 19/04/2008 20:32

YANBU, my dh talks on his mobile when driving and it sends me blind with rage!

MiL is nowhere near as much of a liability as yours but I get v anxious when she's with dd because of lesser things (like not bothering with a hat for dd when it's cold outside and not being able to cook her a basic nutritious meal or fold and unfold the buggy).

The dh situation is difficult but he needs to be upfront with MiL and insist she's more careful.

NotABanana · 19/04/2008 20:34

take his phone off him. you have to do more than go blind with rage

peacelily · 19/04/2008 20:37

i now answer when we're together in the car. dh is lovely in almost every other way but in the car he becomes an arrogant wan**r

NotABanana · 19/04/2008 20:38

men often are

another thread that reminds me how lucky I am

PotPourri · 19/04/2008 20:42

Gosh, that's a tricky one. My first instinct was that you must be over-reacting. But MIL- don't leave DS with her - she sounds like a liability.

Regarding DH, you need to talk to him about your worries. But I do think you need to trust him (give him a chance to gain your trust though by talking).

vannah · 19/04/2008 22:59

thankyou everyone for these replies, it helps to know that Im not being unreasonable. Definately will not send DS out with MIL but looks like have to talk again to DH...

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 19/04/2008 23:31

No, you are not over reacting. he needs to grow up.

My DP is a model driver, he drives at the right speed, not to fast, not to slow, we are not anal about speed limits but he will only go about 80 where its safe.

BUT DD is 2.5 now and i still will not allow him to take her out in the car with out me, not because i can;t trust DP but i dont trust anyone else. I will not travel in a car with anyone else other than DP.

I totally understand about MIL my mother is the same, she nags at me constantly when we are out about holding DDs hand etc, but when she has had the puschair she just pushes it out into the road whilst waiting to cross "well they will have to slow down" needless to say DD only goes out with nanny if i am with her.

PFB??? Nup, this is DD2.

PinkTulips · 19/04/2008 23:43

sympathy on the MIL aspect. My mom is like that, just for example; a few weeks ago she was taking my dd to the shop. my aunt had gone across a few minutes before. i've told mom a million times 'you have to hold dd's hand, she will run off' and gotton the typical 'of course i will, do you think i'm stupid'. as she was going out of the shop ds had an accident and she turned to see what the fuss was. i was dealing with ds so didn't know she'd let go of dd's hand. next thing i hear my cousin saying 'oh look, dd's run across the road'.... straight across the middle of a cross roads in the centre of town! thank god she was ok but i could have killed my mother at that moment

as for dh.... simply refuse to let him take ds in the car unless he improves his driving habits, it might be akward but it's better than the worst happening and always regretting not putting a stop to it.

Scramble · 19/04/2008 23:59

MIl hard to deal with, might just have to limit her having kids herself.

DH shock tactic perhaps. Years ago when it was just me and now exH in the car he was driving like a maniac. I demanded he stopped and sobbed my heart out told him I didn't want my kids to be orphaned because we were both going to die in the car. nagging from the passenger seat wont do it though, it takes a lot to get through, you have to work out what will bring it home to him, he probably genuinly thinks his drining is fine and wont really value yours or others opinions on his driving, most males and probably females theses days have this self belief really.

Trolleydolly71 · 20/04/2008 00:09

Message withdrawn

vannah · 20/04/2008 10:10

thanks all, lewisfan courses great idea...

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