If you propositioned your partner and they replied...

Shoemadlady · 09/09/2024 23:20

How long have you been together?

Original poster

FaithD · 09/09/2024 23:22

@Shoemadlady We've only been together for a year and I'm looking for a long term partnership, so it has me a bit worried.

We last had sex nights 3 days previously at his instigation in the morning before work.

OP posts:

Shoemadlady · 09/09/2024 23:25

Yeah it's a bit non plussed at that early stage. I wouldn't take it to heart though he may have just been tired

Neverstophoping · 09/09/2024 23:26

If he's interested enough to join in with a "heavy snogging" session I don't see what the problem is.
If he wasn't up for " snogging" or he turned you down instead of saying he didn't mind then I could see it would rather kill your enthusiasm.

I must say I really hate the term " snogging". That would put me off totally.

TiredHippo · 09/09/2024 23:28

Well next time he asks, just say 'I can take it or leave it' 💁‍♀️

Original poster

FaithD · 09/09/2024 23:28

Ok @Neverstophoping that word aside 🙂...

Exactly how I felt! He seemed just as in to the kissing as I did. It felt weird to me that he them wasn't up for it.

OP posts:

Original poster

FaithD · 09/09/2024 23:30

Shoemadlady · 09/09/2024 23:25

Yeah it's a bit non plussed at that early stage. I wouldn't take it to heart though he may have just been tired

Yeah I just felt really unsexy.

In the end we did have sex and he seemed very into it and had a good time once there. But I don't want to have to drag him there kicking and screaming!

OP posts:

Ellsx6 · 09/09/2024 23:58

@FaithD I'm unsure of your partner but I've been with mine for 4 years now and sex slowed down quite a bit in the last year so of course we had the why? Conversation so we could work on it. He say he's just sick of being the instigator all the time and would like to feel from me that I really want the sex too and ask him for once which I now equally do. Admittedly I'd never instigate not because I didn't want it I just like the man to be more 'in charge' (I like him to be quite dominating and bend me over with no asking for permission as it's off putting to me) obviously in the start he'd always ask but it's made clear now that I always want it when his willing and find it more sexy to not be asked. Anyway now I instigate with him he will give a little 'if you want' too especially if his tired or busy or just wanting me to give a bit more force onto him that I want to fuck him. I wouldn't look into it much. Well it's never taken a toll on our relationship for the 4 years we've been together and we both still enjoy it a lot and do multiple times a day sometimes!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/09/2024 00:01

You proposition your partner/ask if they're up for it while you're both in the middle of a heavy snogging session and he replies 'I don't mind'

Why did you even feel the need to ask/proposition him? That alone seems awkward and a mood killer.

Ellsx6 · 10/09/2024 00:04

@Aquamarine1029 my point too. If my partner asked in the beginning it always put me off and killed the mood. I did want to rip his clothes off but i just hated the awkward 'can we?' I get he was just trying to respect me and make sure he wasn't starting something I didn't want and quickly we learned that we don't need to ask eachother :)

steff13 · 10/09/2024 00:19

Aquamarine1029 · 10/09/2024 00:01

You proposition your partner/ask if they're up for it while you're both in the middle of a heavy snogging session and he replies 'I don't mind'

Why did you even feel the need to ask/proposition him? That alone seems awkward and a mood killer.

This exactly. My response in that situation to "are you up for it?" would have been, "not anymore..."

LifeInTheRaw · 10/09/2024 05:57

OP was it a case of you and he were kissing passionately, and you were thinking that surely anytime now he's gonna indicate that he wanted to take it further, that your kissing session had fired him up, and because he didn't say anything like that, you thought he was waiting for you to say the word?

Then when you did ask, he then gave you a reply that didn't match the passion of his kisses....

You say it's only been a year.

It's all very well you then updating to say you two ended up in bed anyway.
I'd be wondering if he "relented" coz he felt it looked bad for him to be so non enthusiastic.

Personally I'd want to feel as tho my guy was just as fired up as me, especially if we were sharing what felt like passionate kissing.... coz that kind of kissing can be part of foreplay.

If I was being kissed "like that", I'd definitely be thinking "oh good, he's obviously feeling the same as me".

Have a think OP, I've been in a relationship for over twenty years, and if my man had said "if you want to", it would've killed my passion in an instant.

I guess you wanted to hear was that he couldn't wait, and that he was just about to suggest the same....

If that's what you want from a partner, I guess he may be not the guy for you.

Don't let yourself be dumbed down.

You'd have known if he was tired, he certainly wouldn't be kissing passionately if he was tired.

musicalfrog · 10/09/2024 06:03

You didn't drag him there kicking and screaming though.

It's like with parenting. Don't ask questions you already know the answer to.

Just use the physical cues and get on with it.

Dweetfidilove · 10/09/2024 06:15

If you'd broken the flow to ask me that question, it would've killed my vibe. He was probably a bit confused...
Maybe just flow into the sex /throw him up against the wall.

autienotnaughty · 10/09/2024 06:15

I can understand why you're put out.

You're kissing, it's getting steamy. You say 'shall we take it upstairs?' And his response is'I don't mind'

I would have said 'ok no worries we can leave it then' and suggested a film.

Jjiillkkf · 10/09/2024 06:24

Might be worth discussing with him. As previous posters have said, it could be an indication that he likes a lady in charge and wants to be taken rather than the one doing the taking. That would be my assumption if he was enthusiastic about the activities leading up to this, rather than ambivalence over where it led.

Arlobaby · 10/09/2024 07:52

Might it have been the awkward ask....why ask if kissing is leading you there or not leading you there? Do you really need to stop and say shall we have sex? Doesn't the mood either take you there or not without words?

Original poster

FaithD · 10/09/2024 09:06

LifeInTheRaw · 10/09/2024 05:57

OP was it a case of you and he were kissing passionately, and you were thinking that surely anytime now he's gonna indicate that he wanted to take it further, that your kissing session had fired him up, and because he didn't say anything like that, you thought he was waiting for you to say the word?

Then when you did ask, he then gave you a reply that didn't match the passion of his kisses....

You say it's only been a year.

It's all very well you then updating to say you two ended up in bed anyway.
I'd be wondering if he "relented" coz he felt it looked bad for him to be so non enthusiastic.

Personally I'd want to feel as tho my guy was just as fired up as me, especially if we were sharing what felt like passionate kissing.... coz that kind of kissing can be part of foreplay.

If I was being kissed "like that", I'd definitely be thinking "oh good, he's obviously feeling the same as me".

Have a think OP, I've been in a relationship for over twenty years, and if my man had said "if you want to", it would've killed my passion in an instant.

I guess you wanted to hear was that he couldn't wait, and that he was just about to suggest the same....

If that's what you want from a partner, I guess he may be not the guy for you.

Don't let yourself be dumbed down.

You'd have known if he was tired, he certainly wouldn't be kissing passionately if he was tired.

Yes, this is exactly what happened.

Ita hard to explain but we don't usually stop to say anything. Usually it's obviously steamy so one leads the other to bed or I occasionally jump on him.

But this time there was something off about his response that made me stop and ask.

I don't know if he's ever going to be the push me against the wall type to be honest. Problem is, I sometimes really want to be pushed up against a wall!
.

OP posts:

Original poster

FaithD · 10/09/2024 09:08

Jjiillkkf · 10/09/2024 06:24

Might be worth discussing with him. As previous posters have said, it could be an indication that he likes a lady in charge and wants to be taken rather than the one doing the taking. That would be my assumption if he was enthusiastic about the activities leading up to this, rather than ambivalence over where it led.

Maybe.

I'm happy to do that sometimes (and maybe more often now) but not all the time. I need to feel wanted too.

He'll kiss and caress me throughout the day but then nothing later sometimes. I can't understand why the steamy kiss didn't turn him on as much.

OP posts: