To be put off going back to group PT class?

[Getyournamefaceon]

Background; joined an 8 week women's small group PT class. There are 4 of us all mums aged about 30-40. None of us knew each other at the start as we had an ice breaker. I come in, make small chat, am polite and light, do exercise, bit of chat while we tidy up then head on. They're all nice and chat back but nothing too deep.

I've noticed they stay behind after to chat to each other and hang around each others cars afterwards. I've been around at the end and not rushed off but the vibe isn't telling me to join in. It appears closed off as talking quieter and the body language.

There's an accountability FB group that hardly anyone posts on but when they do it gets responses and mine just get likes but no actual words of acknowledgement.

I asked if any of them fancied a coffee to celebrate the end of the 8 weeks before moving onto the next block and 2 said yes and 1 didn't reply at all. I wrote back to say "great, when suits?" And no one replied! That was 3 days ago.

AIBU to not go back for the next 8 weeks purely because I feel like an outcast.

I was there firstly for getting a bit fitter but also hoped to meet friends in my local area.

It takes me back to school not having many friends and being the "weird one." I was all for signing up again until this happened!

Or do I just say fuck it, if they dont want more interaction with me thats okay, as far as I'm aware im not a big C U Next Tuesday so if they dont like me im just not their kind of person. I've had shit health lately and I'm there to get stronger and healthier for myself and my kids. Do i just go in, keep head down and leave again?

I'm a 35 year old grown woman ffs!

If the exercise works for you maybe just keep at that, exercise buddies for now. Further down the track they may want to catch up, more may join and they may want to go for coffee but for now use it for your health.

I miss boot camp and envy you 🌺

It sounds very similar to a small class I went to. I kept going for as long as the benefits of the class out weighed the feelings of being left out. I just let them get on with it. I have realised that when it comes to making friends I need to make an effort, but I don't want to be the only one making an effort as it leads to an unbalanced relationship.
I was surprised by how much being left out bothered me, as a grown up.

It sounds as though they're just not your people, OP.

I always look at things like this along the lines of 'you win some, you lose some'

For some reason the other three have bonded. I'd carry on as you are; be polite and friendly at the class but I wouldn't post again on the FB group. I think it's a bit rude that they don't reply to you on there. I also wouldn't make any further suggestions about meeting up.

Be busy, friendly, but breezy and you might well find they gravitate more towards you.

Also, as you're also looking to meet people and make friends in your area, I'd also go to a couple of group fitness classes a week. There will be loads more people at these than at your current class, and if you go regularly you'll get to know people and make friends there.

Does the ice breaker mean that they didn't know each other? Or was it something that the instructor did?

There's a few mums that I don't even know the name of locally, but I know their children's names because classes we attend all have instructors saying "mum and Alfie", "mum and Jessica" etc.

Sorry, meant to add - if keep going and view it as a shared PT and nothing more for now.

Always easier IME to go to something with babies when trying to make mum friends, as babies choose who to crawl on.

If the exercise works for you and they're friendly enough in the sessions don't bin it off.

4 people is a small group - entirely possible for 2 of them to click and become friends, another to be friendly enough with them and one (you!) to be on the edge. Doesn't mean anyone has done anything wrong (unless they are being particularly cliquey in the sessions).

If you give it a bit longer maybe you will gel more with one/more of them. Maybe not. If your primary goal is friendship then you could look for other fitness classes or something completely different (as well as pt sessions).

I'm always the odd fish - sometimes takes me a while to realise that "everyone else" has become friends while I've stayed at the polite acquaintance level. Sometimes it feels a bit sad. But I'm working on accepting myself.

I ended up not going back, arranged childcare and started a lovely pilates class instead. Everyone was really nice and it doesn't seem cliquey! I'm going in with a different mindset now, not to make friends just to get a workout

Thanks for the update @Getyournamefaceon. Glad this new group are more friendly. Hopefully you can get a workout whilst also making friends.

I've been around at the end and not rushed off but the vibe isn't telling me to join in. It appears closed off as talking quieter and the body language.

Personally being one of four people in a group I wouldn't need a written invitation to join in, I'd just go over and join in the conversation.

But also I wouldn't expect to be best mates with people I meet in a class, even a small one. My expectation would be that I turn up and do the exercise and if they seemed nice enough I might go for coffee and get to know them better. But then if we didn't click I'd leave it at that and just be friendly and civil in the sessions.

This does happen - they sound rude and clichey.

If there was a mix of people (some solitary some making friends) maybe it's just a case of certain people gelling more.

But having a core group plus one person as designated outsider is weird.

Different demographics have different issues - this is fairly common in small groups, especially all-female ones....enjoying being the "in" crowd and having one person as hanger-on.

People can be cool but the whole "all female" camaraderie thing can be a minefield. Some women tend to thrive others don't.

There's a reason online fitness and learning is such a boom market, you just get on with stuff.

I agree to just move on and try new classes and find something that makes you feel good. Time and money is short, spend it where you feel welcomed.

I have amazing memories of a Pilates class where the instructor created such a warm vibe - never knew anyone else's name but I was glowing all the way home and a great memory!

The odd thing is she was a bit grumpy and terse in advertising and text...she didn't really promote herself well but I guess she didn't need to.