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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be bewildered as to why people blank people?

69 replies

Thomasina · 19/04/2008 15:08

saw another mum from ds's class in the park today, smiled and she literally showed me her cheek and walked off. so strange, wtf do people do it??

OP posts:

harpomarx · 20/04/2008 21:54

one of my neighbours does this to me, miserable old git.

and a local shopkeeper that I have bought something from, miserable old git.

i have had the reverse done to me though - walked into a very fancy interiors shop (you know, the ruffles on toastracks kind of place, not really me, i was with MIL, very her) and owner leapt on me saying 'HELLO! How are you, wonderful to see you again!' he smiled at my dd too.

after 5 mins of this "conversation" i admitted i had only been in once before (with MIL) and had not bought anything, said I thought he was mixing me up with someone else.

he wouldn't drop it though and keep grovelling and smiling at me, I'm sure he thought i was a celeb trying to be incognito or something.

prideandprejudice · 20/04/2008 22:09

I'm afraid I blank people all the time. Terrible at recognising people out of context ( eg ds's swimming teacher - literally didn't recognise her with her clothes on!). Also usually deep in thought/away with the fairies/struggling with 2 yr old. Am v shortsighted too which truly doesn't help - often only recognise people when they've gone past and been blanked so it's too late...

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 20/04/2008 22:24

I'm another blanker I'm afraid - just very bad at recognising people.

So often take it the other way as well. Thought a woman at the train station the other day was looking at me and saying hello. So I gave her a huge big smile and greeted her like a long lost friend even though I had no clue eho she was. She looked at me lke I was a nutter, she'd been talking to the woman behind me.

smartiejake · 20/04/2008 23:14

One of dds friends mum has taken to blanking me. Mind you her dd bullied my dd terribly for about 2 months in year 5 and my dh went round her house to try and tactfully deal with it!

The last time we saw her she blanked dd too. We were on the same flight on the way back from Orlando. SHe walked past my seat 4 times during the flight to use the loo. Looked straight at us, stuck her nose in the air and didn't say a word.
Know where her nasty little brat gets her social skills from!

RosaLuxforherfriends · 21/04/2008 00:15

I've done that Stripey!! Embarrassing or what? I am a blanker, I have got an incredibly poor memory for faces, it is as if they don't imprint on my brain. So when I think someone is saying hello, I go overboard, in case they are my best friend or a relative or something.
Don't always assume people are blanking you, they could just have really poor visual recall, as I do.

SparklyGothKat · 21/04/2008 00:54

Lol LL, I did the same as your mum. I was in St Albans with misdee and as we were waiting for the lift, the lift opened and a lady I reconised came out, I smiled and said hello (thinking it was someone my parents knew) she smiled and said hello back. Me and Misdee walked into the lift and then turned to each other and said 'That was Pat from eastenders!!!'

bergentulip · 21/04/2008 12:02

I don't get all these blankers? Regardless of whether you know where you know someone from, or not, and if you don't recognise someone.... why would you just keep straightfaced and refuse eye contact? I find it bizarre?!!

Jeez, the world, and MN it would seem, is full of a load of miseries! Life's too short not to smile at someone on the street.

GooseyLoosey · 21/04/2008 12:05

I used to be very, very shy and there are times in my life when having to deal with certain people would have terrified me and I would and have gone out of my way to avoid perfectly nice and reasonable people. I no longer do this, but it was never born out of arrogance or dislike but fear.

nancy75 · 21/04/2008 12:12

bergentulip, its not being a misery, i posted at the beginning of this thread about not recognising people out of context, i dont just meen people i know to nod hello to! recently i was in waitrose and saw my best friend who i have known for 30 years, but because i am so bad with faces i didnt know if it was actually him or not! in this kind of situation if i had just smiled said hi and carried on with my shopping he would have thought he had done something to really piss me off, so i avoided him all round the shop just in case! i know this sounds really daft but so many times in the past i have gone up to people and had full blown conversations with them, only for them to think im a nutter because they dont know me.

bergentulip · 21/04/2008 13:16

Well, that's an entirely different kind of 'not recognising someone out of context', isn't it? I cannot imagine not being able to place a friend of 30yrs! (not criticising, just cannot imagine it myself! But then, I am fine with faces - just bad at names) --- I can understand that sort of avoidance.

But does your friend know you are that bad at recognising faces? Because in that case, he would have understood...? No? But yes, best to avoid that sort of situation.

Muuuuuuuuum · 21/04/2008 13:35

its sometimes tricky to remember where you know someone from - is school, swimming lessons, gymnastics, that dinner party you went to the other week at Diana's?!!!!

or of course she may just have been having an off day.

nancy75 · 21/04/2008 13:58

its not so much not being able to place them, its more not knowing if its them or not, sounds nuts doesnt it!

RosaLuxforherfriends · 21/04/2008 14:12

I understand perfectly Nancy, I thought it was just me, but read an article about it recently and it is a recognised problem that quite a lot of people suffer from. I once saw my father in a place where I wasn't expecting him to be and didn't recognise him - he was quite upset understandably, but it is just something weird my brain does.
Bergentulip, I think you are being rather harsh - it is quite distressing and embarrassing to have this problem.

nancy75 · 21/04/2008 14:16

rosa, i did that with my dad! he was picking me up at the airport, rushed over to him and was about to start telling him all about my hols, then my real dad came over and asked what i was doing! most of my friends/family do know what i am like, but it has caused problems with friends in the past because they have seen me in the street and think im being rude, am glad i am not the only one.

bergentulip · 21/04/2008 14:23

I don't mean to sound harsh. The written word sometimes just comes across like that. I just genuinely cannot imagine not being able to place someone I know well. I had no idea there was a recognised problem/condition like that.
It must be difficult in certain situations. I sympathise.

Okay, but still stand by my belief that complete strangers who you definitely do not know are still being RUDE if you look them straight in the eye and they do not smile or say good morning or something. There are people like that out there, and they make me cross.
Genuinely grumpy people (not shy, not anxious, not unable-to-put-names-to-faces people...!) just make me annoyed. Cheer up a bit. Life's too bloody short!!

KerryMum · 21/04/2008 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newgirl · 21/04/2008 14:30

i think i am friendly to everyone - talk to people i barely know at music/play groups etc

but... there are a couple of mothers at school who i have tried and failed to be friendly too - i do blank them now i think..!

pinkyminky · 21/04/2008 14:56

Bergen, you last point is my view entirely. I am sure there are people with recognised conditions, and I don't know how common that is, but just to smile or say hello can mean a lot to people. Some days I don't see anyone I know, and if I go to the park it's nice just to at least nod and smile to another human being.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 21/04/2008 18:01

I once didn't recognise my ex-fiance when I saw him in the antenatal clinic with his new wife. I thought he looked familar, he was smiling broadly at me - just thought it was a friendly dad-to-be who I must have seen at a previous appointment! This is a guy that I lived with for ages and he hasn't changed at all.

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