To be worried about social services visit tomorrow

[Montfo]

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NC

We are due a visit from SS tomorrow, the allegation is domestic abuse & substance misuse.

I am the reason, partly. My partner and I have been under a lot of stress the past few months, honestly everything. Family issues, money issues, children going through bits at school/CAMHs etc and last week I just lost it, a tiny thing tipped me over the edge and I got absolutely plastered at 2pm in the afternoon, so much so that when DP came in from work I was not in a good state, he was concerned and called an ambulance, when they arrived, I was shouting etc can’t remember what but DP said it was a lot of rubbish all about our stress but wayy over the top.

They have referred to children’s SS and I’m bricking it. I am banged to rights for this incident - the children were not present nor due to be as staying with grandparents as per a routine due to a club they do so they have no idea about this incident.

I rarely drink just made a terrible decision! I regret it immensely but I am worried Iv really fucked up!

what can we expect tomorrow?

They'll likely speak to you and your DH about your drinking habits. Potentially take statements from the paramedics if they haven't already and will do an assessment of if your children are safe with you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a few drinks, even getting absolutely hammered, especially if your children won't be with you that evening, they're safe and at least one parent can be available in an emergency.

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Alcohol shouldn't be the solution, it's a very dangerous coping mechanism.

It was a one off, your children weren't there and were never going to be, you made a mistake and life moves on. Get some counselling for the stress and see if social services can help with anything related to the stress causes. Good luck, you'll be fine.

I would just explain it as you are now - be very clear that the children weren’t going to be coming home to you and it’s very out of character. Acknowledge that you regret it.
They’ll ask about it and also general information about your children - health, education, family relationships, support around you.
They will want to talk to your DC so think about what you want to say to them as a reason why and ask that the specific incident isn’t mentioned as they don’t know

Don't worry, at this stage SS are just trying to assess risk and won't be looking to find fault with your family or anything else. It will be fine

I'm so sorry this is happening. I hope you will get the help you need as a family. It sounds very, very stressful for you all.

Focus on the good things, the support you do have.

Definitely alcohol is rarely the answer to anything but I think you know that and you sound like you have face up to what happened. Well done for taking responsibility.

It will be fine. However, be open about your struggles - they might be able to refer you to other sources of support, once they are happy that the children are safe and their safeguarding thresholds are not met. Be open to offers of support - this could have positive outcomes for you and the children. I hope youe situation improves soon.

What's the allegation of domestic abuse?
Have you been referred to the mental health team?

The fact your kids were never gonna be there and chances are you wouldn't have even considered having a drink if you had to do the school run, so not a concern.

I'm guessing the concern is more about you? And your relationship with the DV thing?

Apparently I was accusing DP of not being supportive and being away all the time ‘god knows where etc’ 😫 it was all pent up feelings I have felt. I wasn’t abusive at the time nor was DP so I wasn’t sure where that came from tbh! I was shouting a lot though DP said 🙁

Thank you all for your replies, I am so regretful! No idea what I will tell DC, They are teens so not sure if SS will tell them exactly what happened? They honestly have no idea!

The most important thing is not to downplay it. Be clear that it's out of character, you're highly embarrassed about the whole thing and you're doing XYZ to ensure it doesn't happen again. If you downplay it and say it's no big deal, it was a one off, the kids weren't around so why does it matter, it doesn't need any action etc then they will come down harder on you. As it is, they'll likely not take any further action and close the case, but your children will have a record with social services that any future incidents will be logged against and the case can be reopened if this happens again in future.

They won't necessarily tell your children exactly what happened but they will ask questions about your habits that might make it obvious.

I agree with others. Be honest with them, you were stressed, you have been dealing with a lot, it was a one off that has not happened before and it was when the children were not there. As someone who has had a lot of dealings with my social services as my friends fostered I would think they were more there because of DV accusations than an adult getting plastered when the kids are away at Grandparents.

Be open to any support they have offered, especially is part of the stress is due to a child needing support, they might help!

Hi all,

visit was yesterday and it went ok. It was strange the Social worker didn’t seem at all interested in my partner, just me, he was there and was chipping in but she dismissed him a lot?! She spoke to DC, see their rooms etc, wants to do police check on both of us and speak to their schools & DD’s CAMHs which is fine, they also want to speak to eldest’s father (not my DP) which I though was strange, she didn’t give anything away tbh and just said she would be in contact.

anyone know when we will hear what the outcome is?

Glad it went OK. Remember they are there to check your kids are safe, not to get you into trouble and I imagine all things being equal they can feel satisfied your kids are fine. Hope the outcome is good for everyone - and that things generally get stressful soon.

Don't be defensive. Just say you know you made a mistake. You didn't do anything unlawful. You were drunk when the children weren't even in the home. Agree to see GP if drinking is an issue.

Also if you struggle with the DC due to SN (you mentioned camhs), is there extra support that would help you? Use it as an opportunity to get extra help or respite in place.

But seriously, don't sweat it. You weren't abusive and your DC were never at risk. I guess ambulance referred (protocol) and SS have to come and check it out. Just use it as a wake up call to make changes and request extra help.