To be annoyed DS hasn't turned up to work

colax43 · 2024-09-09T13:17:18+00:00

DS is 22. his friend moved here for uni this weekend so he only knows DS at the moment. Yesterday DS called me and asked me if I could take them to A&E as friend was in a lot of pain, he told DS his stomach had been hurting all week but he thought he was just nervous for university but it had gotten worse. Luckily he was seen quite quickly and had to have emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix, DS was obviously very worried about him. I've had a message from his boss (also my friend) asking if he was ok and he hadn't turned up to work. I messaged DS and he told me he was visiting his friend. I'm annoyed at him for missing work and not letting his boss know. DS’s reason was his friend doesn't have anyone else, apparently his parents know but aren't going to visit him. I'm still annoyed as he could've gone after work, DS has told me to tell his boss he's unwell and has told me to leave him alone AIBU?

Ivehearditbothways · 09/09/2024 14:19

Your son is 22? He sounds about 15. Nothing wrong with taking the day off if you really really need it for some kind of emergency, but you must call in to your work. Why didn’t he? Do you often hold his hand through thing she should be doing himself? Maybe that’s why he expects you to sort this out.

Northernparent68 · 09/09/2024 14:20

Probably best not to get so involved in your sons work life-tell your son’s boss and your son you can’t get involved

liverburd1 · 09/09/2024 14:26

Northernparent68 · 09/09/2024 14:20

Probably best not to get so involved in your sons work life-tell your son’s boss and your son you can’t get involved

This

Although I can understand his boss contacting you (especially as a friend) if your son hasn't turned up and he's tried and been unable to contact him. I'd only expect this to be done out of general concern for his welfare tho

RechargeableGnu · 09/09/2024 14:27

Your son is taking the piss because you have a friendship with his boss. He is not seeing this as an employer / employee relationship.

Best thing would be for him to find another job.

RechargeableGnu · 09/09/2024 14:27

Ignore, double post!

smallchange · 09/09/2024 14:30

Tell your ds he can contact his boss and lie himself, or you can contact his boss and tell him the truth.

I wouldn't actively contradict the lie, but I certainly wouldn't lie for him.

Hidingbehindmyname · 09/09/2024 14:32

Your son's boss shouldn't be phoning you about your son not turning up for work. Friend or no friend. It's unprofessional on their part.
Whether or not you should be annoyed.... Well are you only annoyed because his boss is your friend? If he worked for someone else you wouldn't know whether or not he turned up for work.

Original poster

colax43 · 09/09/2024 14:35

DS very rarely takes days off from work unless he is unwell and he usually does tell his boss himself so I'm unsure on why he couldn't this time. His boss had messaged him before messaging me but DS didn't reply to that either!

OP posts:

smallchange · 09/09/2024 14:35

Hidingbehindmyname · 09/09/2024 14:32

Your son's boss shouldn't be phoning you about your son not turning up for work. Friend or no friend. It's unprofessional on their part.
Whether or not you should be annoyed.... Well are you only annoyed because his boss is your friend? If he worked for someone else you wouldn't know whether or not he turned up for work.

If I didn't turn up for work and didn't answer calls or texts, my employer would contact the emergency person we have listed for this purpose - especially on a Monday morning as we have a number of employees who live alone and not turning up for work could be the first time an issue that happened over the weekend is noticed.

However, I broadly agree with you that op shouldn't be a middle man between friend and ds, and friend should certainly give whatever warnings etc that they would give any other employee and not make any special arrangements.

Caterina99 · 09/09/2024 14:37

He’s 22! He needs to take responsibility for his own job and inform his boss if he’s not at work for whatever the reason.

Visiting his friend in hospital is nice of him, but unless he’s literally on his death bed then your DS should be at work, unless he’s taken annual leave.

I wouldn’t lie for him. It teaches him nothing and he’ll just expect his mum to call in sick for him next time he fancies not going to work. He can phone his boss and lie himself.

MounjaroUser · 09/09/2024 14:39

I wouldn't lie for him. He needs to act his age and deal with work himself rather than expect his mum to deal with it. I'd tell my friend that I wanted to be kept out of his working life now that he's an adult.

regementaria · 09/09/2024 14:39

colax43 · 09/09/2024 14:35

DS very rarely takes days off from work unless he is unwell and he usually does tell his boss himself so I'm unsure on why he couldn't this time. His boss had messaged him before messaging me but DS didn't reply to that either!

I would tell your friend to treat him like her was a no show as per the workplace policy. No special treatment. Then stay out of it

your son clearly thinks there is some special treatment. He’s 22. You call if you aren’t going to be in.

this situation is only relatively understandable if your SON was the one having emergency surgery or his friend was involved in some sort of tragic accident and he genuinely got swept up in rushing to see if his friend was ok.

his friend having treatment, then surgery for his appendicitis is not an emergency or urgent incident. He was able to call his boss to see if he could take unpaid leave if that was possible, but really he should have been in work.

Doltontweedle · 09/09/2024 14:43

Hidingbehindmyname · 09/09/2024 14:32

Your son's boss shouldn't be phoning you about your son not turning up for work. Friend or no friend. It's unprofessional on their part.
Whether or not you should be annoyed.... Well are you only annoyed because his boss is your friend? If he worked for someone else you wouldn't know whether or not he turned up for work.

Why shouldn’t she? For all you know she’s listed as his nok or ice. She may have been concerned that something had happened to him

IamnotSethRogan · 09/09/2024 14:45

Well maybe your son was a bit all over the place. He's obviously very close to this friend and it sounds like it would have been quite the ordeal. It's obviously not ideal that he didn't contact his boss but worry makes people do strange things.

Catza · 09/09/2024 14:49

I would tell your friend that you made contact and leave it at that. They contacted NOK for person who was MIA, you confirmed that your son is alive and well. The rest is their business and they should follow unauthorised absence procedure. Not your job to say anything further to the boss or your son.
But yes, totally get why you would be annoyed. I was burnt a couple of times recommending friends and family to employers. Not doing it again, ever.

loropianalover · 09/09/2024 14:56

I get why you’re annoyed. ‘Visiting’ his friend is not a good enough reason for being a no show and not even calling. He can visit after work or on his days off. It’s not like the emergency was actively happening and DS got swept up in it all.

Ohnobackagain · 09/09/2024 15:13

@colax43 your son is an adult. Give his boss his number. Message DS and tell him he is responsible for dealing with his boss. Hope he’s paying for his keep. You’re not his secretary. And while it’s laudable that he wants to look after his friend, the responsible thing to do with regard to work is to explain a friend has had emergency surgery and apologise for his absence, or ask for some time off in advance.

liverburd1 · 09/09/2024 15:28

If I didn't turn up for work and didn't answer calls or texts, my employer would contact the emergency person we have listed for this purpose - especially on a Monday morning as we have a number of employees who live alone and not turning up for work could be the first time an issue that happened over the weekend is noticed.

As a manager (and having previously worked in HR) this is exactly what I would do. OP said the employer DID contact her son first and he didn't answer so the employer has done the right thing