Severe healthy anxiety after HIV scare years ago

[cinammonlover]

I am a regular poster on here and I have NC.

So many years ago when I was 17 I had unprotected sex with a guy, we used a condom but he must of took it off, he said it "had broke".

Anyway it turned out he had a girlfriend and when she found out she told me had AIDS.
She came to visit me at my parents to inform me to see a doctor ASAP.

She told me that they had an agreement and didn't sleep with each other.
Word got round and it turned out that the girl was HIV positive and had given it to him.
It was common knowledge that they had HIV.

I was petrified.
This was back in 2004 when you had to wait 3 months as the rapid HIV tests were not even around yet.

In those 3 months waiting I considered attempting suicide asI was so traumatised and pretty sure I had HIV.

The result came back negative and ever since then I have had severe healthy anxiety.

It has gotten worse since I had my kids as I am terrified something bad will happen to me and leave my kids without a mum.

I have been to the GP who wanted to prescribe me Sertraline

Now reading about the Covid vaccines linked to cancer and people in their 30s getting cancer I just feel so anxious all the time and any little thing wrong I am down the GP or seeing my own private GP.

I just want to live life and be happy with my kids and stop worrying.
I don't know what to do.

Have you spoken to your GP about counselling or therapy to help with the health anxiety?

You need counselling. Hopefully, your children don't see your anxiety.

I think major health scares have the ability to give you extreme reactions and you shouldn't underestimate how bad it can make you feel! Don't be too hard on yourself

If your Gp has suggested Sertraline I would contemplate that but also pay for private counselling

So sorry you went through such a frightening experience OP. I second visiting your GP regarding counselling.

Also be careful what you read as there's alot of misinformation out there. The Covid vaccine is a relatively new drug, so I'm not convinced a sufficently large scale study wil have been conducted to be able to conclusively make such links.

The best thing you can do for you and your family is to take of your physical and mental health.

What a scary experience you had, it sounds as though it was very traumatic for you. Being 17 and vulnerable only to be tricked into putting your health at risk is sure to leave plenty of anxiety. I too would recommend counselling to see if you can turn this around for yourself. Good luck!

Anyway it turned out he had a girlfriend and when she found out she told me had AIDS.

I guarantee you she didn’t really have AIDS. She just wanted to scare you because you slept with her boyfriend. But what a terrible experience for you; it must have been unbearable waiting for the test results. I’m not surprised you were traumatised, especially at just 17.

I think you definitely need some proper psychotherapy. You’re obviously really struggling.

I know this isn’t exactly your point, but I want to add that the treatment, lifestyle and life expectancy of people with HIV is worlds away from what it was in 2004. It is not the disease/condition that it was.

Hi
My GP signposted me to a mental health service in which you self refer which provides counselling, there is about a 6 - 8 week waiting list.

The whole experience has really traumatised and changed me as a person as I genuinely thought I had contracted HIV.

The anxiety did go away for but when I had my kids it flared up again.

@KreedKafer
I did wonder that myself, if it was all made up at the time.

But then when it was the talk of the town and people knew that they were both HIV positive and that she was the one who gave it to him it really sent me in a panic.

I just wish I could forget it all and live life like a normal person.

@MeAgainAndAgain - yes it's wonderful that many patients with HIV are able to live a normal life and medication has come far since 2004. I think part of my fear back then came from no education on HIV (which I think they should provide in schools) as I don't ever recall HIV being discussed in sex education.

Do you take the sertraline? It's not clear.

OP you might have better responses if you ask for this to be moved to the mental health board.

Sorry you're feeling this way OP. I also have health anxiety that has massively ramped up since having my children (second is just 11 weeks old). I also had a HIV scare whilst pregnant with my second. Just this week I had my first call with a therapist and am also right now in hospital with my baby. It's been rough but don't minimise your feelings. Please speak to your GP. I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. It's horrible, you have my sympathy

Also like someone else said, when I first read it, sounded like something she made up to get back at you for sleeping with her boyfriend. How do you know for certain they were both HIV positive?

You don’t have HIV because you’ve been tested and are negative. Find out what counselling you can get to deal with the mental health aspects.

Another one saying go for the counselling. CBT could be very helpful for you. I am sorry you went through this and you still are x

I’m sorry you went through such trauma! Must have been so horrible for you.

Anxiety can cripple your life.

You should seek counselling for anxiety and explore ways of improving your through process. Try mindfulness and live in the today that than ‘what if’.

Sorry you had this experience.
as a health anxiety suffer - the best advice I can give is stay off google and articles about vaccines/ hiv/ cancer/ illness etc.
they are fuel for our HA and not good for us.
there are some really good helpful text books on coping with health anxiety.
I fully emphasise- it’s a horrendous form of anxiety - because we will always find something to fret over.