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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what I am supposed to do now - childminder

37 replies

HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 09:57

My son is four and not of school age yet, he was supposed to start a new childminder today, three days a week until next September.

I got a vetted and recommended provider, I visited, I paid a £300 deposit, did all the paperwork to have her tell me last night that she has given up childminding and won't be taking him any more.

I am beyond baffled (on top of furious) that someone could just do this, all the nurseries and childminders are full in the area and I don't drive to be able to get him to another one.

I think she accidentally oversubscribed herself and hasn't quit at all - she lives walking distance and I am half tempted to stake out her house at drop off time to see WTAF is going on. Would this be unreasonable?

I am so stressed if I don't laugh I will cry.

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 09/09/2024 09:58

HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 09:57

My son is four and not of school age yet, he was supposed to start a new childminder today, three days a week until next September.

I got a vetted and recommended provider, I visited, I paid a £300 deposit, did all the paperwork to have her tell me last night that she has given up childminding and won't be taking him any more.

I am beyond baffled (on top of furious) that someone could just do this, all the nurseries and childminders are full in the area and I don't drive to be able to get him to another one.

I think she accidentally oversubscribed herself and hasn't quit at all - she lives walking distance and I am half tempted to stake out her house at drop off time to see WTAF is going on. Would this be unreasonable?

I am so stressed if I don't laugh I will cry.

You're talking about stalking her HOUSE?

What is wrong with you?

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 10:00

@offyoujollywelltrot did you turn off your sarcasm detector this morning - I made a joke to make myself feel better, as evident by the last sentence of my post.

Please take one of my finest grips and clutch your pearls elsewhere.

OP posts:
Nursemumma92 · 09/09/2024 10:01

This is obviously very stressful and not ok that she let you know the night before he was due to start. But it is her perogative to give up childminding or turn down any business she feels she can't take on. The downside of childminders unfortunately. I would say YABU to stalk her house though!!

FirstTimeHomeowner · 09/09/2024 10:01

This sucks, but do NOT stalk her house. It won't help.

Make sure you get your deposit back!

And then start again checking for places/make sure you're on every waiting list etc. What were you doing before for childcare?

Didimum · 09/09/2024 10:02

How stressful. No, don’t go and stalk her house – just forget about it now, it can’t be helped.

Get on all the waiting lists you possibly can. Places come up. Were you meant to start work? Can you afford a nanny until you find something else?

KhakiShaker · 09/09/2024 10:02

As infuriating as it is, it’s her prerogative to do this. I’d be leaving her an appropriate review though! And I hope you’re getting your deposit back.

offyoujollywelltrot · 09/09/2024 10:03

HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 10:00

@offyoujollywelltrot did you turn off your sarcasm detector this morning - I made a joke to make myself feel better, as evident by the last sentence of my post.

Please take one of my finest grips and clutch your pearls elsewhere.

Bollocks.

You asked if it was unreasonable. It is unreasonable. Get a grip.

SpiderGwen · 09/09/2024 10:03

So frustrating! You must be completely stuck at this last minute change. I hope you can find something suitable soon. Does school have any wraparound care? It’s not ideal at age 4, but might do in the meantime

PollyDactyl · 09/09/2024 10:03

Have you had your deposit returned? Chase that if not.

Put out a shout out on your local Facebook page asking for urgent recommendations for a childminder, explain let down last min but don't name the person. Hopefully you'll find someone swiftly.

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 10:03

Has everyone lost the plot - I literally said if I don't laugh I will cry - I am obviously not intending to stake out her house.

OP posts:
FuzzyDiva · 09/09/2024 10:03

Oh no, how awful and stressful. I think you need to get your child on the waiting list elsewhere or see whether anyone would be up for a nanny share.

Even if you find out she hasn’t quit, she isn’t obliged to take your child and has made it clear she doesn’t so I’m sure you wouldn’t want to now leave him with her.

FawnFrenchieMum · 09/09/2024 10:04

Ouch, that is stressful, assume she has given you your deposit back? Did you have a contract that required a certain level of notice, although not sure how that works with him not started.
Some nurseries might have children that have moved out of the area etc so would start ringing round and get his name down. Can he attend a school preschool, and wrap around as an option?

NewtonsCradle · 09/09/2024 10:04

What a massive let down. As another poster said you should get your £300 deposit back!

sunbum · 09/09/2024 10:05

Sadly this is fairly standard with childcare - it's always stressful and peoplelt you down.

Remember that there will be other flaky people letting childminders and nurseries down at the last minute so you need to phone around now and find those places that have come free!

SpiderGwen · 09/09/2024 10:05

KhakiShaker · 09/09/2024 10:02

As infuriating as it is, it’s her prerogative to do this. I’d be leaving her an appropriate review though! And I hope you’re getting your deposit back.

If she’s quit childminding, she’s not going to give a stuff about a review.

Actually, if she’s quit childminding this suddenly there is probably a very significant reason, OP, so might be worth cutting her some slack once your frustration has passed.

FawnFrenchieMum · 09/09/2024 10:05

HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 10:03

Has everyone lost the plot - I literally said if I don't laugh I will cry - I am obviously not intending to stake out her house.

I would feel the same and would be dying to know if she had over booked or actually given up. Not that it changes anything but I would feel the same (although not actually do it as you say).

FirstTimeHomeowner · 09/09/2024 10:05

HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 10:03

Has everyone lost the plot - I literally said if I don't laugh I will cry - I am obviously not intending to stake out her house.

I think you could have worded it more clearly tbh. You asked if it would be unreasonable, it would be.

AmusedMaker · 09/09/2024 10:06

How frustrating.
But you never know, something awful could have happened in the childminders life, a death in the family maybe?

Marylou62 · 09/09/2024 10:06

As an X registered childminder myself I'm very sorry that a fellow 'professional' has done this.
I would be tempted to contact Ofsted.. and complain about her.
She's supposed to be reliable.
And definitely get your money back.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/09/2024 10:06

I’m sure the contract that you signed means that you both ought to give a certain notice period before termination of the contract.

That doesn’t help you now though.

We had a similar situation a few years ago, I rang the local Family information Service to get an up to date list of childminders and started phoning them all. We had 2 DS to accommodate with 3 school runs a day so a bit more complicated than your situation. I’m happy to say that we found a fabulous childminder and it worked out much better than them staying with the one who left us in the lurch. Get on the phone straight away!

sunbum · 09/09/2024 10:07

i think your meaning and frustration was perfectly clear.

Remeber you'vedodged a bullet here as well - she is not reliable and would probably have been a nightnare - and may even be being forced to quit.

Have you asked her if she can recommned another childminder - she may be handing over her business to someone else.

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 09/09/2024 10:10

@PollyDactyl no and she isn't responding to my messages either, I have already done a FB cry for help.

@SpiderGwen he isn't in school, he starts sept 2025 would they take him "early" for before and after and then pick him up in the middle

We used to have family childcare but my mum and dad are going traveling for the year now they are both retired

Nanny is not an option at all we are both low earners and they don't really exist in these parts

OP posts:
SpiderGwen · 09/09/2024 10:15

I’m sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you meant he wasn’t in school yet but was joining this month.

MumsGoneToIceland · 09/09/2024 10:18

As someone who used an amazing childminder for 10 years, I’m shocked by this. Obviously she’s entitled to give it up but you do it with reasonable notice or if it has to be sudden, a recognition that you’ve let your client down and some recommendations on who may be able to help in the immediate term. My lovely CM was hospitalised with a sudden illness that left her unable to work for a few months but even in those circumstances she thought enough of her families to ensure they were contacted straight away and provided some contacts of her network of childminders that she’d personally recommend.

From a practical perspective, I would contact her, iterate the hole she’s let you in with zero notice, state you will need your deposit back today to be able to arrange alternative care and ask for recommendations of other CM’s (if you trust her). You can also contact the council.

Hope you find a better CM quickly.

sunbum · 09/09/2024 10:21

yeah get your deposit back asap nd say you need to it to pay for an emrgency nanny for next week as she has left you in the lurch.

Did you sign a contract with her? Remind her of that if so.

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