Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I was wrong to hang up on a friend?

26 replies

Kindkitty · 08/09/2024 14:35

About 6 months ago, I was going through a very tough period. I had just escaped an abusive situation and had moved into a flat on my own. During this time, a friend, who knew all about my situation, would call me constantly. I was overwhelmed and needed some space, so it took me a while to get back to people.

I explained this to her, letting her know that I was not ignoring her intentionally, but needed time and space. She seemed to accept this, but continued to call, and after several attempts, she sent me a harsh text saying she was done with our friendship and then she blocked me.

At that point, I was actually relieved to be free of the added stress of that friendship, given everything I was going through.

Last week, I received a call from her on a withheld number. I was caught off guard and, feeling overwhelmed, I hung up on her.

So, AIBU to feel justified in hanging up, considering everything that happened?

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 08/09/2024 14:38

She sounds utterly toxic. Block her number.

MatildaTheCat · 08/09/2024 14:39

YANBU, blocking a number indicates no contact.

I hope things have improved for you.

xsquared · 08/09/2024 14:43

You are 100% not being unreasonable.

She's playing games with you.

What sort of friendship phones you and withholds their number from you?

Wordsareimportant · 08/09/2024 15:23

How did the conversation go? Did you say hello and then hang up when you realised?

or did you converse and then ‘cut her off short’ of the conversation?

MonsteraMama · 08/09/2024 15:27

She sounds awful, and no sort of real friend. I don't think you're unreasonable at all. Enforcing boundaries is healthy, especially when you've escaped abuse, and removing people from your life who have no respect for said boundaries is a good thing.

Original poster
Kindkitty · 08/09/2024 16:27

Wordsareimportant · 08/09/2024 15:23

How did the conversation go? Did you say hello and then hang up when you realised?

or did you converse and then ‘cut her off short’ of the conversation?

The conversation didn’t really go anywhere. As soon as I answered and realised it was her, I was caught off guard and immediately hung up. There wasn’t a conversation at all - I didn’t say hello or anything. It was more of a reflect tbh.

OP posts:
pd339 · 08/09/2024 16:34

Good for you

SoYoung · 08/09/2024 16:42

I wouldn't lose any sleep over this, you've done nothing wrong.

QuestionableMouse · 08/09/2024 16:44

Not unreasonable! She sounds like an utter cow and you're well shot of her.

HerewegoagainSS · 08/09/2024 16:46

Weird that she blocked you when it was her doing all the calling, not the other way round!

Olika · 08/09/2024 16:49

She's not a good friend so just ignore her.

Original poster
Kindkitty · 08/09/2024 16:51

Kindkitty · 08/09/2024 16:27

The conversation didn’t really go anywhere. As soon as I answered and realised it was her, I was caught off guard and immediately hung up. There wasn’t a conversation at all - I didn’t say hello or anything. It was more of a reflect tbh.

Show quote history

The last sentence meant to say “more of a reflex”

OP posts:
Synchronisedwitches · 08/09/2024 16:54

I hate people like this. You communicated the issue and asked for space and she ignored all of that then got cross with you about what you'd already explained you couldn't do!
You were absolutely right to hang up on her. Do not let her back into your life it will be endless drama and she won't give a single shit about how you feel.
If she unblocks you just block her abd do not communicate with her again.
I speak from experience. I had a friendship carry on like this for years before I finally ended it. My life has been so much less stressful since. You do not owe anyone constant attention.

Arlanymor · 08/09/2024 17:00

She blocked you and then called you on a secret number? She’s bizarre. You don’t need to feel bad at all about hanging up, she duped you into answering your phone.

Waterboatlass · 08/09/2024 17:06

No, if she had wanted to make contact again, she should have done so openly and respecting your boundaries, apologising for being harsh and asking if you'd like to talk, not from behind a blocked number. Unfortunately sometimes friends just aren't able to show us empathy and care during bad times and it turns out they are 'for a season' friends and it's fine to keep them that way. No guilt. You've been through enough. Unfortunately I've recently had to block someone for

Waterboatlass · 08/09/2024 17:07

Posted too soon! For self centred and flaky behaviour at a really tough time. The guilt is real but I know it's the right decision

CunningLinguist1 · 13/03/2025 20:16

Kindkitty · 08/09/2024 14:35

About 6 months ago, I was going through a very tough period. I had just escaped an abusive situation and had moved into a flat on my own. During this time, a friend, who knew all about my situation, would call me constantly. I was overwhelmed and needed some space, so it took me a while to get back to people.

I explained this to her, letting her know that I was not ignoring her intentionally, but needed time and space. She seemed to accept this, but continued to call, and after several attempts, she sent me a harsh text saying she was done with our friendship and then she blocked me.

At that point, I was actually relieved to be free of the added stress of that friendship, given everything I was going through.

Last week, I received a call from her on a withheld number. I was caught off guard and, feeling overwhelmed, I hung up on her.

So, AIBU to feel justified in hanging up, considering everything that happened?

Is this the “friend” crying about how much she misses you in other threads on here?? Spanielears22 username???

Youcalyptus · 13/03/2025 20:24

CunningLinguist1 · 13/03/2025 20:16

Is this the “friend” crying about how much she misses you in other threads on here?? Spanielears22 username???

Show quote history

Yes I was going to say that!!

Allshadowlylined · 13/03/2025 20:27

CunningLinguist1 · 13/03/2025 20:16

Is this the “friend” crying about how much she misses you in other threads on here?? Spanielears22 username???

Show quote history

As soon as I read the first few lines!

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/03/2025 20:28

I think the friend has also made a thread about this. Or at least a nearly identical scenario but from the other side.

Lou677 · 13/03/2025 20:30

I'm sure the opposite version of this thread was posted the other day

SwtchedHouse · 13/03/2025 20:35

HerewegoagainSS · 08/09/2024 16:46

Weird that she blocked you when it was her doing all the calling, not the other way round!

Yes this !!

But YANBU at all OP - she sounds disrespectful and toxic

Goonie1 · 13/03/2025 20:37

I think the "friend" posted on here too 🤔

SwtchedHouse · 13/03/2025 20:38

Lou677 · 13/03/2025 20:30

I'm sure the opposite version of this thread was posted the other day

Me too actually- but let’s give the benefit of the doubt - it might be similar scenario but a totally different actual situation

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 13/03/2025 20:43

I think I am in the minority here, but I think you were unreasonable. It may have been badly executed, but your friend was trying to be there for you and support you in what was obviously a tough time. She may have also been going through things and needed your support, so perhaps that is why she snapped when you didn't reciprocate the effort she was putting in to check how you were doing because you were caught up in your own things and not in the right headspace to listen to or help her.

She obviously regrets how things ended and reached out. You could've had a conversation with her rather than hang up.