I’m a single carer to dd13 very limited family support
dd13 has never liked going to dads possible adhd m. But also dad loves her a lot but not very sensitive. The back drop is I have had to have words in the past about things like taking dd out to parties until late. She says lots of adults drinking he says they are more family friendly parties his younger 2 DC also go with him and wife. A few years ago there was about 8 weeks he wasn’t there at the weekends and this happened for about 8 weeks in a not much larger time frame. I spoke to him and things got better but again times when she was left (with his sister or wife) for him to go out. Dd feels like an outsider for example her younger sis will say things like dads giving them £200 for birthdays but dd only gets £100 for hers. We get why (as dd gets other stuff from me) but it’s hard to hear it. On her birthday dd opened his present and I heard younger sis say oh that’s from back of the cupboard mum didn’t want it. So I know it happens and although it’s kids it’s happening and he does affect t her.
we are now at a stage of monthly (of that) sleepovers) and 4 hours a week. But dd is very resistant to that and hates things like being sent to bed at 8.30 when she goes. Today been told he isn’t even there. So the 4 hours a week he has her and makes a big fuss about seeing her he goes out. It makes her feel like crap and I understand he has 2 other kids and what not but I don’t get why he gets these times in and has me also running around driving half an hour away to collect her when he’s not seeing her. He will say it’s so she can see her siblings but from what I’m told he is out with one.
do I keep preservwring because I want my daughter to have family connections or do I just stop. It’s so much stress I don’t need right now plus I’m always having to do half the collections why xx costs time and money but what for?
the other day I got up at 7am an hour round trip to take her back before work just because he had a Paddy about not seeing her but dd says she was sent to bed at 8.30 after arriving at 6pm.
any advice helpful. I don’t know if I’m being fussy or if I’m not advocating for her enough. He always tends fo minimise things when we do speak. I just feel like opting out right now but I can’t as left to DD she just won’t respond to him.