I’m expecting my first baby soon and struggling with my sister. She had my nephew two years ago and at first seemed very excited about my pregnancy and really eager to share all of her experiences. However, the further on I’m getting I have found her behaviour is changing.
She hasn’t seemed to enjoy being a mum much herself but now seems to almost be hoping I will be the same.
I’ll give some examples as it might be easier to understand.
She has asked me quite a lot about how I want to feed baby. I am planning to breastfeed but can totally see why others make different choices. She bottle fed and told me she chose that as felt she had been through enough physical changes in her body so it was her husband’s turn to help. When I answer her and say, ‘oh I’m hoping to breastfeed’ she will immediately start saying her friend was bed bound in hospital with mastitis, just wait until you’re cracked and bleeding, you can’t wear any nice clothes, all that sleep deprivation will land on you and ‘you have no idea what that’s like yet’.
We were out dinner with them, my parents there too. My nephew became restless so they get out the tablet and put YouTube on for him. I smile and ask him, is that your favourite show? My sister then announced to the whole table, ‘maybecactus will NEVER use screen time I’m very sure’, then nudge her husband and roll her eyes. I said, I bet we will at some point, you can never say never, can you? My sister then doubled down, ‘no no, I’m sure you NEVER will need to rely on it like we do….’
She asked me if I had put my name down on waiting lists for baby massage and sensory classes. I explained we hadn’t thought of it yet and would probably think about it when baby is older. ‘If you don’t do it now, there might not be a space when you want one. It’s really important for you to make friends and not be isolated, that will be more important to you than you can even comprehend right now,’ and then stared me out, waiting for a reaction.
Apologies the examples are quite lengthy, there are more such as criticising the length of maternity leave I am planning to take (she does not work) and our hobbies and what we like doing.
I’m just uncomfortable around her. I have just about had enough of it now but I’m not in a position to challenge her, I feel it’s better to ignore. Equally I know I need to put some boundaries in place as I will be even more vulnerable postpartum than I am now. She’s a lovely person behind it all but is insecure and unhappy generally, and seems to hope others will feel everything that she does.
My husband wants nothing to do with her and thinks she is not good to be around. He’s polite but only for my sake and has made it clear he thinks it’s not a good idea for me or our daughter to be around it, which I fully agree with.
Has anyone experienced anything like this and what would you do if you were me?