Finance worry after marriage.

[DurrBrain]

I've read so many times on MN that if the partner has sizeable assets, and the proposer of marriage has none, that they shouldn't marry.

My partner (of over twenty years) has proposed.... first proposal was many years ago, and at that point, my thinking was "if it ain't broke-don't fix it".

However, as so much time has elapsed, and we are still very much in love and have a fantastic relationship, I'm wondering if I could now say "yes"...

I also read a post on MN that if the home was bought and no mortgage before even meeting the proposer, then that asset remains safe, IF everything should very unexpectedly go "tits up".

Is this true?

Also, if the home owner partner also has substantial (approx 150 thou) investments in isa's and other "baskets", does all that get split between the couple upon divorce?

So if the marriage took place then later the proposer cheated or was violent etc, and the asset holder did not press or agree to divorce, would the home and financial assets stay "un split"?

I very much would love to marry my lovely thoughtful caring and loving guy.
However... I'm not blind to the possibility of things going wrong for all kinds of reasons.
I do not want to put my hard work to gain financial safety to risk, because of my wish to marry...

Ive not been given an ultimatum, and I don't see why we wouldn't stay together, marriage or not.

An extra concern is that I want him to be my LPA, and is that possible/wise without marriage?

I know I've asked a lot, but I'm hoping the wise ladies of Mumsnet can help me make a decision that's not going to be detrimental to me in the unlikely event of an after marriage split.

I ask you to be kind, I'm not a youngster, and I don't want to fend off nastiness, if some feel " I should know better".
TIA

You need to see a solicitor for advice and to see about ring-fencing your assets. And see about making a will for after you marry.
TBH it’s financially easier to not marry, and he can still be your POA. Are you leaving your assets to family?

Get a pre nup - sounds unromantic but it's realistic and solves all of your problems 😊
We considered it for WAY less than you're talking about.

Do you think it's maybe worth going to see a solicitor? It sounds like the asset situation is quite complicated. In a short marriage asset division is considered somewhat differently from a long marriage. I don't think you could assume none of the assets would be split as I think (but am not certain) they can consider the length of your relationship before marriage. You could do a prenup but they aren't always treated as legally binding in the UK. I'm not a lawyer though, and ultimately only a lawyer will be able to give you really solid advice.

The other thing it is worth considering, if you're at a point where you're considering LPA, is the situation with inheritance - if you'd want him to inherit from you, that is significantly easier if you are married as all transfers are inheritance tax free in the circumstance of the death of a spouse.

I think it's okay for him to be your LPA without marriage - you have exactly the same risks really as with marriage, and there are plenty of single people in the world who will need LPAs. It's a totally different scenario to if you had only been with someone for a few years. Is there anyone else who could be a second LPA (just because that can reduce the risk e.g. if you were in a car accident with your partner)?

Hi, thanks for your reply.
I actually wish to leave any assets to be split between family and him.
Assuming our relationship either remains the same, or gets even better, I’d not want him to suffer financially because of my death.
Even if we split up for reasons that are acceptable to me, I’d not see him without somewhere to live, and to remain a decent person.
some may think I don’t trust him, but I do.
Others have fully trusted people in the past, but situations change, then all that faith can bite you on the bum.
I just wish to protect myself, and feel at ease.