Do you find being around stressed people stressful?

[Terracata]

I've pulled away from my friend recently because I find her incredibly intense and stressful. I was at hers recently and there had been a mistake re times. She text me saying I could stay for tea, when actually she meant to say lunch. I ended up staying until she cooked tea, and after I had gone home got this long text from her about how she loved seeing us but I must've been mistaken when she said we could stay for tea and she found it very stressful cooking for us all, that she told us we could stay for lunch. I forwarded her the message she sent literally that morning saying I could stay for tea as she was making bolognese and she just ignored it as she was wrong.

When she has my son she sends long lists of every tiny thing he does wrong and how stressful she finds it. I've just stopped sending him. When I have her son when they do similar things to what she is describing (not sharing something, not listening etc) I just have a word and that's that. Usually easily solve able!

I've never come across someone who causes my blood pressure to rise just by being around them. I really enjoy her company 90% of the time, but feel like I'm always waiting for a minor drama followed by her explaining how stressful she found something that really didn't have to be stressful.

I've noticed her husband treads on eggshells around her too, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Has anyone come across other people like this? I'm finding it hard to get back in touch but I feel I should because our children get on so well...

I totally agree with you and I couldn’t be bothered with this either! I have a friend like this, we used to be really close but absolutely everything became a drama and I just think life is too short to be so stressed about such minor things!

Not everyone op, just toxic people like your friend you have described. Drop her

As she is very defensive I doubt bringing up how you feel would help at all, but as an exit strategy you may as well go for it. Either she changes her behaviour in which case that’s great (although unlikely), or she blows up at you, and you can make a clean break of it.

Do I get stressed no I just find them tiring and attention seeking so I would move on

She sounds difficult and you would be better off seeing other friends. There are some people who have a sense of victimhood which requires others to "be in the wrong", and it won't do your child any good to be around that.

She sounds like a very difficult person and it's your call as to whether you can cope with them. I wouldn't blame you for pulling away and if she asks I'd be honest about your reasons.

Maybe she is suffering from depression.

I would step away (drop like a hot potato). If asked just say you find her stress levels over the smallest things & lists of things DC has done, very tiring & stressful yourself, so have decided to look after your own MH.

Drop the rope. She's worked you into a position where she is always critical and you're always at fault.

Your time is limited and valuable. Spend it with people that leave you energised, not drained.

Yes, I find it really stressful. I also find being around depressed people depressing tbh, e.g. I have a friend who always brings the mood down so much. Humans are social creatures.

I would drop her because not only is she causing you vicarious stress she's also being unnecessarily critical.

This goes beyond just being “stressed”. She’s an abusive bully.

You can be stressed and keep enough of a lid on it for it not to become everyone else’s problem. This woman is choosing to use these trivial things to bully people around her.

I would put a million miles between you and her.

Exactly how long (and when) were you at her house if you were in fact invited for lunch, but in fact ending up staying for dinner (presumably because of a typo in her morning text?)? (I mean, we’re you there from before lunch till after dinner?)

In fairness, I don’t think you’d need to be a particular stresshead to find it stressful to have someone in your house for hours and hours while you made dinner…

And just send your son less? If she’s stressed by your interactions/visits, you’re stressed by her stress levels, clearly the current level of contact isn’t working for anyone involved, so just take a step back?

Step away. And when she comments, text her that you find it all too stressful.

I replied saying sure, be lovely to see you. Is 3 OK? We ate at 5 and left at 6:30. So she knew we weren't coming for lunch.

Sounds like my mum of course I love her but I find her very draining. The few friends she has don’t see her very often, neither does her sister and I don’t blame them tbh. If it’s affecting you this much over a simple friendship, I would cut down seeing her a lot, you have to take care of your own mental health and that of your children being around her too.