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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

five years of nosy neighbours

80 replies

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 19:52

We moved in to our home five years ago, a small cul de sac of about 15 houses. Directly across from us is a couple, late 70s, have a car etc, but spend a lot of time at home.
When we first moved in they would spend a lot of time at the window watching what we were doing. I didn't mind, as we renovated the property and there was a lot going on so obviously was going to draw attention.
My problem is, it has never stopped. FIVE YEARS!

Every time there's a workman at my home, they're both in the window.
I had a guy cutting a large hedge next to the house last week - he was here for about an hour and a half, and every time I checked on him one or both of them were in the window watching. At times they wouldn't have been able to see him, but they still waited for him to come back round to the front. The guy commented on it. "They're nosy, ain't they?"
I understand that they're bored (another neighbour has told me this), but I feel like I'm in a goldfish bowl. Every delivery I have they'll appear at the window, every workman, every visitor, even when I'm pottering about in the front garden they'll be there, just watching
I had an ambulance to my home late last year ... and yeah, you guessed it ...

I've put up and shut up for five years. I probably should have waved or something early on, but it feels too late now.
problem is, they don't speak to us, never have done. I have tried. They don't want to know, yet they do this.
They're also the biggest gossips in the street. They commented to another neighbour about how many deliveries I get (only a few a month!). That neighbour then told me what they'd said and I told her that they don't talk to us but watch our every move. It didn't solve anything, but I was glad someone else in the street knows what goes on.
AIBU for thinking this is abnormal, rude and, to be honest, downright bloomin creepy?

OP posts:
FuzzyDiva · 07/09/2024 19:56

I don’t think it’s too late to wave back. Perhaps get some binoculars and start standing, clearly in your window or front garden and just stare at their house. If they say anything just tell them that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

IHaveNoMoreFucksToGive · 07/09/2024 19:56

Oh I'd be yelling 'COOOOEEEEE' and madly waving at them next time

Nosey gits

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:01

I desperately want to wave, I really do. I'm so shy through, I hate confrontation of any sort. I feel like they get the "oh but they're old" card played too. Like being nosy is something you have to excuse old people for.
I'm a pretty easy going person, which they wouldn;t know as theyve never have a conversation with me, but one of my "things" is that I hate being watched. I can't stand it.
I've taken to changing how I live. If I go shopping I don't empty the car until I
I've been back a little while otherwise they hear my car come back and stand and watch what I've been buying.

OP posts:
brunettemic · 07/09/2024 20:12

Have sex against the window whilst they’re watching, might as well give them something to look at 😂

MrsKwazi · 07/09/2024 20:16

You could have do much fun with this 😆

but yep, yanbu OP!

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:17

brunettemic · 07/09/2024 20:12

Have sex against the window whilst they’re watching, might as well give them something to look at 😂

😂
Bit of a problem there .. am single

But yes! I have wanted to do something that gives them something to complain about. I keep looking at old clapped out vans. I want to put one on the driveway and tinker with it for years, with weeds growing round it. (You're not allowed weeds on my street, they get the neigbours complaining) At this point though I'm thinking it'd be simpler to move.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 07/09/2024 20:21

I voted YABU because really, it isn't anything to get that bothered by. They're watching from their property, not really intruding, and there's no law against it.

I get that you're shy, but honestly just try waving every time, it might persuade them to pack it in

What sad lives they have, to find your mundane events so engrossing! Maybe they don't have a TV (mind you there's bugger all worth watching half the time)

Go on, wave and grin at them alarmingly enthusiastically........ 😃

AprilShowerslastforHours · 07/09/2024 20:21

You need lots of Ann Summers bags. Hide them in a Tesco bag to take them to the car, and put all your shopping in on the way home. And wave!

Keroppi · 07/09/2024 20:23

Annoying but at least they're not actively harmful or noisy, nuisance neighbours. Is their sofa by their window or are they literally stood watching? Lmao

Personally would wave or stare back and hold eye contact
Would be careful about what you say and to who, as the other neighbour talks to them but is reporting back to you on things they've said about you?

Perhaps if they started a neighborhood watch it would bring down everyone's home insurance slightly.

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:27

Keroppi · 07/09/2024 20:23

Annoying but at least they're not actively harmful or noisy, nuisance neighbours. Is their sofa by their window or are they literally stood watching? Lmao

Personally would wave or stare back and hold eye contact
Would be careful about what you say and to who, as the other neighbour talks to them but is reporting back to you on things they've said about you?

Perhaps if they started a neighborhood watch it would bring down everyone's home insurance slightly.

Literally stood watching right the window. Sometimes there's one in the top window and one at the bottom.

I completely understand that people have much worse neighbours than this, but I've had five solid years of it. I've had the "they'll get bored of doing that" from people, but nope, they havent so far! 🙄

OP posts:
BMW6 · 07/09/2024 20:27

How about donning a disguise every few days? Should give you a laugh and bewilder the shit out of them?

Leave house dressed as Wonder Woman, return dressed as a builder. Cowboy, pirate, nun, etc etc

I'm childish so I'd be highly amused imagining their consternation

mnahmnah · 07/09/2024 20:34

Take a photo of them every time you see them. Collage into a photo book and post it through their door. Titled ‘weirdo creepy neighbours — a collection’

Or, put a sign in front of your house in their direction saying ‘Stop staring. It’s rude’

Or, stand in front of their house and stare at them. Holding a sign saying ‘do you like it?’

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:35

mnahmnah · 07/09/2024 20:34

Take a photo of them every time you see them. Collage into a photo book and post it through their door. Titled ‘weirdo creepy neighbours — a collection’

Or, put a sign in front of your house in their direction saying ‘Stop staring. It’s rude’

Or, stand in front of their house and stare at them. Holding a sign saying ‘do you like it?’

Edited

I love these! Especially the first one!! If only I'd been doing that for the past five years 😂

OP posts:
Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:36

Can they see into your property? If so concider blinds to abstruct their view. It would really annoy me too but Id have to tell myself, well they dont know me, i dont have to deal with their opinions compaints or noise if your house is not joined. I'd have to wave and smile and think as a woman alone at least they are really good security! Im sure if somone was upto no good they would call it in.

If they are old and bored just leave them to it if it brings some kind of weird joy to their lives let them get on with it.

Or just move but wherever you go it could be worse!

MattDamon · 07/09/2024 20:39

Definitely start videoing or photographing them when they are looking, even if just pretending to. Make them feel uncomfortable.

Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:40

...maybe they are stood looking at you and complaing to each other "look she is looking at us again"

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:40

Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:36

Can they see into your property? If so concider blinds to abstruct their view. It would really annoy me too but Id have to tell myself, well they dont know me, i dont have to deal with their opinions compaints or noise if your house is not joined. I'd have to wave and smile and think as a woman alone at least they are really good security! Im sure if somone was upto no good they would call it in.

If they are old and bored just leave them to it if it brings some kind of weird joy to their lives let them get on with it.

Or just move but wherever you go it could be worse!

Theyre not even bothered about security - we had a group of lads wrecking a neighbour's garden fence last month, about 2am. I rang the police, the nosy neighbour just watched from her bedroom window
I was on the phone to the police call centre for a while and I asked if anyone else had called it in and they said no 😠

OP posts:
Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:42

Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:40

...maybe they are stood looking at you and complaing to each other "look she is looking at us again"

Believe me, I have thought about this, but I'm not watching them when I come home in the car, and they both come to the window, nor when I'm gardening, or when I have a delivery. I'm usually just concerned with what I am doing but realise after a while I'm being watched. They used to move away when they knew I'd seen them but they don't care anymore, they just keep watching

I don't know if i've done something wrong at the start. maybe they think i'm unfriendly because i didn't wave at the beginning or something? I wouldn't think they'd keep this up for all that time if that was the case, though.

OP posts:
maximist · 07/09/2024 20:44

Get a notebook and pen. Every time you see them watching, make a show of getting it out, checking the time, and writing in it.

Don't actually write anything about them, just make a shopping list, in case they demand to see it, but hopefully it will just freak them out.

Theunamedcat · 07/09/2024 20:46

Reminds me of my exes nan

"that woman! She always looks in here what is she looking at?" Her son said "YOU your always looking out the window!" Bless she was harmless very nosey though

Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:47

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:40

Theyre not even bothered about security - we had a group of lads wrecking a neighbour's garden fence last month, about 2am. I rang the police, the nosy neighbour just watched from her bedroom window
I was on the phone to the police call centre for a while and I asked if anyone else had called it in and they said no 😠

Oh they are the opposite to what I imagined then. I was thinking busybody, neighbourhood watch, facebooking complainers.

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:48

Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:47

Oh they are the opposite to what I imagined then. I was thinking busybody, neighbourhood watch, facebooking complainers.

I thought that too at first, but they seem like people who are happy for others to the work ... and then they can moan about it

OP posts:
JadePinkFlower · 07/09/2024 20:53

Honestly my Mum is in her 80’s and notices everything. She can’t get out much, and this is her daily life.

She takes in parcels for people, where she can.

One day your neighbours will save you from being burgled, or be able to give a good description of the perpetrators.

Just be friendly. The being watched issue is more your issue as you said.

Hairspray123 · 07/09/2024 20:54

Angharadbach · 07/09/2024 20:48

I thought that too at first, but they seem like people who are happy for others to the work ... and then they can moan about it

Edited

Id start with a wave just a small hand up acknowledgement, id be interested to know if they waved back, if not gradually increase the wave for dramtic effect!

Its hard though as they do sounds a pain and if they are annoying last thing you want is to be encouraging them to come and chat! You will be wishing they just stood and watched again 😂

Moonlightdust · 07/09/2024 21:10

I’m an introvert and like my own privacy so I would hate this. I also hate my garden being overlooked and am so happy that after 10 years of living here, I have successfully screened off my entire back garden with trees, trellis, foliage etc so it is fully private 🙌