How do I approach this with the teacher?

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My daughter has just started year 2, and she has come home really anxious and upset. She is sat on a table with kids who ask her a lot of questions about the work and I think it stresses her out, she says that she just wants to focus on her work and not have to help the other kids. She said she also had to help a kid who was not on her table as well.

she complained of the same thing in year 1, but I told her that it’s good to help other kids/if she can teach it, then it means she really knows it. But I hate to see her so upset.

My question is how should I approach this, should I give it a few weeks or should I raise it with the teacher next week?

I think it could also just be the shock of the back to school routine and her being extra tired etc.

Are you saying that the teacher is asking/expecting DD to help these kids? Or they're just asking her questions off their own back?

If it's the latter then you need to work with your DD on finding polite but firm ways to say she can't help them. That's a life skill more valuable than anything she's learning at school probably!

If it's the former then I would speak to the teacher (politely) on Monday and tell her that DD doesn't enjoy being the go-to helper so you'd prefer if she avoid giving DD that role.

She spent Year 1 helping other kids, on a regular basis, and telling you she wasn’t happy about it?

Stop being so passive. Address it with the teacher, at least to check if they have a similar version of events.

You need to fight for your daughter and not just blame it on her being tired - she clearly feels uncomfortable having to do all this extra work in class every day.

That’s a good point, I’m not actually sure which it is!! I will ask her tomorrow.

Have you discussed strategies of how your daughter can manage the situation with her?

"I need to concentrate. Please stop asking me questions. If you need help, ask Miss/TA."

"Sorry I can't help, I'm busy with my work."

"I need to finish my work. If you're still struggling when I've finished I'll help you then. Maybe ask Miss?"

"Please can you be quiet? I'm working now"

It would be unusual for a child to be expected to help others that much by the teacher. Could it be that they are told to discuss something as a group and the others look towards your dd to do the hardest bits?

Classroom management does sometimes mean that children are encouraged to ask a friend if they’ve forgotten something simple, and that’s to be expected in a class of 30 6/7 year olds and only one or two adults. It’s definitely worth trying to work out exactly what she means so that you can help her deal with it, and it’s fine to ask the teacher if it helps.

From what I remember last year, she finishes her work and then helps the other kids who are struggling.

but I’m defo gonna speak to her tomorrow and speak to the teacher to see how they match.

and even if it is just answering questions, I will make sure she knows it’s not her responsibility and to tell the other kids to ask the teacher. Obviously it’s nice if she can help them but clearly it’s just stressing her out too much.

From what I remember last year, she finishes her work and then helps the other kids who are struggling.

In that case, if she's already finished her work, it might be worth doing a deeper delve into why she's finding it so stressful/upsetting. Definitely tell her, "it's nice and very kind to help, but you don't have to if you don't want to."

Ask her what the procedure in her class is when they have finished their work. If they have an extension task, she can say she’s getting on with that. If they need to get a book, get her to ask if she can sit on the floor with it.

I’d role play with her at home, to give her some replies to people asking her to help if it’s stressing her out. Have a quiet word with the teacher if she struggles to manage that though.

I thinks he just wants more work, she says the work has been boring (although I’m aware they are recapping work for the first couple of weeks).

Last year I had a period of sending her in with a book to read in her head and one of those at home workbooks to complete, and then I reviewed it with her at home. So maybe I will do that ( I will discuss it with the teacher) , as it seemed to work.

I will also make sure she knows she doesn’t have to help.

I would have a chat with the teacher on Monday, give her the indo you have in your OP and ask her of she has noticed any issues.

First few days back after an extensive break from it could mean she is exaggerating, but raise it with her teacher and see what the response is.

Raise it straight away, don’t wait. I’d want to know if something in my class was causing anxiety in a child. This week has been revising and reminding, easing the children into it for the most part so it may not be typical in terms of their work moving forward. Regardless of why, if it’s causing her to feel upset the teacher should know so she can do something about it; whether that’s give her “extension tasks” or do an intervention on assertiveness.

Definitely raise this with the teacher. Using partner work or encouraging them to ask another child is usual but not at the expense of her learning.

However you certainly shouldn't have to provide her with extension work that should be done by the class teacher. I'd expect a more able child to be given challenge work not just expected to help other children.

It's the first week and a new teacher probably hasn’t realised this dynamic has developed from last year. They are just getting to know the kids.

I'm a teacher and all for not being "that parent" however I'm sure her teacher would want this raised as it is easy to nip in the bud by either moving her or having a chat with the other children.

Sorry, what do you mean? You send her in with a workbook to do in class???

Sometimes she does have to help though. I wouldn’t force the message that she doesn’t have to help or answer questions because that’s almost teaching her to be rude and unhelpful, and sometimes, she will have to help others just as she will receive help from others.

DS had a few things this week that they had to do as a group, is it possible that she's misunderstood or just prefers to do it individually even though it's a group task?

There is nothing wrong with that. Some children get finished very quickly and like to have something else to do. Better than chattering and disturbing the rest of the class. Some children bring in their own novel too.

This happened with my daughter. She was essentially being used as a TA. She was also used to manage another kids behaviour and if he did some work his reward was time with my daughter. When she got older he resented her playing with her friends as he had SEN and couldn't understand why she couldn't just be his. Despite a full time TA he was able to physically attack, spit and throw food at her. My concerns were ignored until I went to the head. I told her to stop patronising me and get it sorted. I wish I had stepped in earlier. Yes kids near to learn to advocate but year 2 is very young and we also praise them from listening to teachers so we have to step in. I learnt the hard way.

Great idea as someone else suggested to role play replies with her.
My daughter was in a situation which she was finding difficult to deal with and stressing about in reception..I said to her practice saying these phrases really loud with mummy.....she said oooh I can't mummy . You can I said, say it loud. Louder! Louder! Go on, louder again - where's your loud voice?!?
We made it a game in the kitchen.
Probably felt great because she was
" authorised" to tell someone firmly no, I don't want to. No I don't like it. Stop, go away.
She was being hit by a much larger boy in reception..... and when I spoke to the teacher all we got was " yes, we're all learning to use kind hands".
What, for 2 weeks?!!
Sometimes you need give them permission to say it out loud and stand up for themselves. And learn it quickly.

A good opportunity to help her reinforce boundaries. But yes speak with the teacher, you are her advocate.

If she regularly finishes early the school should be providing extension work.

If your daughter is regularly finishing her work early and then being expected to help other children (even on different tables) then I assume she's on a more 'able' table? If that's the case, you shouldn't have to send in a workbook from home, she should be given what we call 'a stretch'. Basically an extension of the lesson but more challenging. It's a bit rubbish if they're not.

Chat to the teacher.

However assuming she's set with different kids this year, and she complained last year, is it possible she's worrying about normal conversation?
You know: "Did you get 3 for question 1?" etc.

I know one of mine could get very het up about things that were actually normal interactions and the thing she needed was to hear that it was normal and fine. Making a fuss about it, confirmed her feeling that it was wrong and made her more stressed.

The way her school does it, is that there is one ‘more able’ (I hate that terminology) kid per table. And I guess she is the one on her table.

i asked her this morning and she said that the kids asked her questions and then she told the teacher and the teacher said she should help them.

i don’t think it’s that she is shy, as she very confident/loud and will talk to adults/kids alike and does great at the drama group she goes too.