Honest opinions please

[eynjln]

Hi all!

I need some honest opinions because I can’t tell if I’m overreacting as I’m already upset

I’ve had no childcare for 6 weeks on top of being self-employed so having to work in nap times/evenings/any spare second I can get. we have an 18 month old who is fully in the tantrum phase and I’ve been at the end of my rope the last couple weeks

I live 7 hours away from all of my family and friends. this morning I got news grandma, who is probably my favourite person in the world, has a brain tumour and if not operated on soon, she will die from it. The other side of that is that the operation is high risk and she has signed a DNR order, so I’m terrified. On top of being so far from my family and not able to make it up in time to see her before her surgery I’m pretty devastated

i had to sit alone with this news all day while trying to be patient and make a fun day with my toddler.

I tell my partner when he gets home from work the news. He is sympathetic, and I asked him to change DD’s nappy and brush her teeth for bed so I can have 10 minutes to decompress. He says no because he’s making the dinner (he literally just has to boil pasta because I cooked the bolognese sauce last night)

bit of back and forth about how he can change her nappy/brush teeth while the pasta boils and I just gave up. I really needed those 10 minutes and now I’m really upset that he didn’t just think “she probably really needs this as she’s upset, I’ll just do it even though it’s annoying for me”, which I would do for him.

things like this have happened before

AIBU?

just go and see your grandma before she has the operation. Take your little one, move work around to make time. And yes he could have changed the nappy etc and boiled the pasta

Ask if he has ever in his life heard of multitasking

Drop everything & go to see her
Whatever the outcome you will regret it if you don't

that’s what I thought too

I wish I could have done that, although we wouldn’t have made it there before 10pm given the 7 hour journey with nowhere to sleep near her house as she lives in a tiny village. We are going today as we have been able to find a hotel near the hospital but won’t make it in time to see her

Yanbu, sorry to hear about your news. Your dp is pathetic but I'm sure you know this already. It probably isn't the first time he's been this selfish I can guarantee that.

I understand you are upset and yes it would have been thoughtful of him to do the nappy change, but maybe he is the kind of person that can only process one task at a time and it honestly wasn’t meant to cause you distress. Also you have been alone all day with this awful news, it has been upsetting and consuming. But he only sees a snapshot when he comes home. My DH only prefers doing one thing at a time and in the past I would get irate at his lack of thoughtfulness . But it’s the way he is wired and after 30 yrs I am used to him as he is used to me. And he is so thoughtful and caring in other ways. Maybe just get be it some slack in this instance. If he is loving and thoughtful in other ways this might just be him.