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Original poster

I lost my cool and shouted

11 replies

PrincessPeach0 · 05/09/2024 22:21

I’m a single parent. My DD recently turned 5 and her behaviour at times seems to have got worse. Most of the time she is very loving and all is well but at some points (especially night time) she has turned quite aggressive with me and how she feels changes in a split second. If I tell her she can not do something she calls me mean and hits me. Tonight I have been hit in the face and kicked and sometimes punched. And she does it very hard too. I can’t seem to get through to her that it’s not kind or acceptable. She gets so angry over little things. She starts to scream and cry loudly and gets extremely emotional. She started school last year and had no problems there. Anyway I was settling her for bed (usual routine) and she hit me hard in the face again and I’ve lost my cool and shouted at her. I think the neighbours heard. I’m stressed and ashamed

OP posts:
SussexLass87 · 05/09/2024 22:25

OP...we've all had moments where we haven't been the version of parent we would all like to be.

So many kids are angels at school, then they lose their cool once they get home and feel safe.

Be kind to yourself, have a chat in the morning...but don't beat yourself up. You're doing your best!

HerewegoagainSS · 05/09/2024 22:25

She hit you? Not only once but repeatedly across the face? Congratulations for not shouting sooner! Her behavior is vile. Kids like that would drive a methodist to drink.
Don’t feel bad OP. Consequences, consequences and more consequences. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

rainbow1902 · 05/09/2024 22:26

Someone will raise their voice at some point at her.

Original poster
PrincessPeach0 · 05/09/2024 22:30

Yes, I’m not sure where this behaviour is coming from. When she was 4, there was none of this. It’s since she started school last year I think. I have been told she’s good as gold and a quieter member of the class and has a few close friends.

These outbursts are getting more and more and she is very aggressive towards me for no reason and nothing I say or do is getting through

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessPeach0 · 05/09/2024 22:33

Just for an example, she was struggling with something so was getting upset. I went to help her do it and she was shouting at me that she doesn’t need help. Then was getting more and more frustrated but wouldn’t accept the help and it’s things like that frustrate her and she hits out

OP posts:
Chocolateorange22 · 05/09/2024 22:40

PrincessPeach0 · 05/09/2024 22:30

Yes, I’m not sure where this behaviour is coming from. When she was 4, there was none of this. It’s since she started school last year I think. I have been told she’s good as gold and a quieter member of the class and has a few close friends.

These outbursts are getting more and more and she is very aggressive towards me for no reason and nothing I say or do is getting through

Check out restraint collapse. She's acting the golden child at school because there are rules. She knows she has to sit still, push down her emotions and put on a compliance demeanor. She then gets home to you her safe space and let's all that pent up frustration and anger out that she's had to suppress all day. My DD is exactly the same age and sometimes it's hard. She isn't particularly violent but can be vile in her words. I honestly find I have to let her decompress alone as soon as we get in before I can engage with her. Slightest little thing can tip her over into tears.

Abitofalark · 05/09/2024 22:51

It's entirely understandable in the circumstances and I hope you will put it into perspective and not be too hard on yourself. How hard it is to deal with an onslaught like that. I wondered who else is present in her life besides you and the school and if there is any other influence on her towards you.

sarahzbaker · 05/09/2024 22:59

Nah. Naughty step. Or banished to room. Not acceptable. I went out of tree couple times as vv youngster. Calm down and don't do that. Kids can get overwrought

Veryoldandtired · 05/09/2024 23:32

Congrats OP, you’re a human! Your hindbrain took over and you tried to regain control of the situation.
problem is, I found that my shouting gave way for my child’s shouting. It escalates quickly and soon your booming voice is just another noise. I’d say now probably the best way is firstly to remove yourself from harm, then explain that “we don’t hit” when your DS is calmer and give some consequences that you religiously follow through (no sweets, no tv for 3 days etc). All the while trying to de-escalate next time when you see her getting antsy and praising good behaviour.

Noseybookworm · 05/09/2024 23:32

Obviously it's not great to lose your temper and shout but you're human, you're tired and you'd been hit in the face! So don't beat yourself up over it, it's not the end of the world.

I think you need a plan to deal with these tantrums, stick to it and be consistent. I would firmly stop her hitting you by holding her hands and saying 'we don't hit' calmly. You can walk away to another room and give her 5 minutes before returning and saying 'when you can speak to me nicely, we can read a story/play a game etc' and if she calms down, praise her. If she's still raging, give her another few minutes and try again. Stay calm and model the behaviour you want to see. It's just a phase and you can work through it. The main thing is to be consistent, firm and calm.

OrwellianTimes · 05/09/2024 23:35

Look up after school restraint collapse. Very common in ND kids but I believe NT kids can be affected too.

You are a saint for not shouting sooner. She needs some serious consequences though.

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