Is it unreasonable to expect DS year 11 to leave phone outside room when doing homework?

[Elizo]

Just that. He says he wants it to text etc and got v cross. Is it reasonable or not…?

I’d say it’s a bit unreasonable. If he’s revising for a few hours and in between is texting friends, maybe about their own revision, or having a quick google for things, I don’t see the issue.

He’s 15/16, these are his exams, his life, if he’s willing to revise for a few hours with his phone I really don’t see the problem. If you say no phone, he might just do an hour to get the phone back quicker.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have a conversation with your child about distractions.
Mine takes twice as long because she’s on and off TikTok… but she still gets in done, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ that doesn’t bother me - they have to learn to manage their own work and time.
I’m more concerned about concentration span, so with her agreement she puts it aside occasionally to prove to herself that she can.
If you have a child who isn’t doing any work because of it, you’re the parent so of course you can. over rule them. But working with them is better.

We've had conversations with ds about this, he's year 11 too. He's adamant that it's on do not disturb, Hmmm I'm not convinced!

I thought it said 11 y/o at first, which wouldn't be too unreasonable

But at 15/16... ye. So long as the worm is getting done, it's better for them to learn to control their own phone habits. And they might be discussing the work etc with friends too..

Depends why.

If there've been issues with his homework not being done because he'd got distracted chatting with his friends or the homework done incorrectly because he's not paying attention to it because of distractions, maybe this is a good solution to a problem. But if there's been no problem, let him be. No real issue in itself if he takes a break between question 7a and 7b of his maths homework to answer a friend's text.

I get where you're coming from. I also used to get very distracted with my phone when WFH so I leave it in another room now.

If he's able to manage distractions effectively then that is a great life skill.

He needs to learn to manage his own time not have it managed for him.

He's not a baby. If he's doing well at school and working then allow him to manage his phone time.

If he's struggling, suggest leaving the phone elsewhere but I wouldn't demand it at his age.

Do you have parental controls that can show what he's using it for? Does he have the maturity to acknowledge if certain things are distracting him e.g. tik tok and agree to restricting access while he's revising?

I wonder if he's messaging to check what the teacher has said, or using suggested resources.

Who pays for the phone?

in our house phones are not in the bedroom for homework or bedtime/sleeping.

Unless he can think of a specific reason, I don't see that it's unreasonable.

My DS has just completed his GCSEs, he didn't have his phone with him in prep all through yes 10& 11.

I think if he has a habit of being easily distracted by it I would suggest to him that he should but at that age I wouldn’t be trying to force it, he should be responsible for his own study.

Thanks all for questions.To answer some queries:

• he doesn't have a reason why he wants the phone, but he thinks it's wrong of me to insist he puts it out
• his teachers called me end of last term because they felt insufficient effort was going into his work. His yr 10 mocks were a bit low. That said he took one GCSE a year early and was v tired by then (and got a top grade for that one and worked hard on it)
• his teachers have said he is capable of top grades IF he works, they emphasise if because they clearly need to see more application
• he gets distracted easily and tends to want things done as quickly as possible. Teachers who phones were concerned that he doesn't understand how much work is required and how you can't leave it until the end

Well I guess it depends on whether he's texting about homework or FaceTiming about homework - which my ds did.

So it's not unreasonable but maybe somewhat preventative if he's using it for the precise reason he's in his room!

Have the conversation then leave him to it. He’s in year 11, need to allow him to make his own decisions and deal with consequences. My oldest is year older and we’ve not monitored phone use for two years now.