What working pattern is better for kids?

[MarigoldSpider]

Our DC currently do roughly 8am-6pm in nursery 4 days a week. The baby does a day with her grandma and I work 4 days to have a full day with both.

DS is 3yo and DD is 9months (she’s only been in nursery for a month or so).

I am aware that they do very long days. DH usually picks them up because I don’t get home until 6:30pm on 3 of my working days.

I am trying to decide if doing a 30 hours over 5 days is better. I am leaning towards asking for 2 full days, 2 short days (home by 4pm) and 1 half day. But I don’t know if that’s better than 5 shorter days! Or if 4 day week is better.

I am not too concerned about the impact of nursery costs of the different strategies as if I can find a working pattern that works then that leaves us better off than if I quit work because I don’t get to spend enough time with DC.

I'd go for the 4 condensed days.

It's quality time with the kids and they'll appreciate the whole day with you more.

Thanks @TwinklyAmberOrca thats what I thought when I arranged the 4 day week to start with. I just miss being there for the boring every day bits!

I'd say 4 days at the moment but maybe reconsider once they're at school.

Thing is if you do 2 shorter days is it really quality time with them as they will be tired and likely a bit grumpy after nursery?
At least that's what I found with mine. I gave up doing shorter days and did 3: long days, half a day and then one full day off. DS was more chilled and happier with this arrangement.

Are you able to sort of do both?

I'm doing 35h compressed into 4, as is my husband so we both get a day with them. However, on the middle day in nursery I'm leaving early to pick up, and catching up a bit in the evening. So he only has to do one longer day at a time IYSWIM.

Can your DH compress his hours too to take it down to 3 days? Or alter his working pattern so he can pick them up earlier some days?

You're right that it's a long day, but they need consistency and quality time more than a stressed-out parent trying to juggle everything. Make sure your DH does his half of it.

"What working pattern is better for kids? "

Kids shouldn't really be working, they should be concentrating on school.

I mean, the odd chimney swept or helping out in the fields at harvest time is fine, but no more than that.

My first thought, too @amigafan2003

However, I'd definitely say 3 full days and a day at home with you.
You get a whole 3 days then to spend with them. Much better than working 5 days and gaining a grizzly hour or two you can't realistically do anything with after work / nursery.
With a day off you can do something each week with them - swimming, or out for the day somewhere, or just chilling at home.

I did 4 days when DS was in nursery; yes, it was long days for him (although we tried to pick him early whenever we could) but there wasn't really much alternative if we both wanted to keep working and I don't think it has done him any harm at all (he's just started Year 1). I liked having a full day off as it meant we could plan day trips like going to the zoo or other attraction mid week and it was much easier to be strict with my time, and my team respected that it was a day off rather than just forgetting I was working a shorter day.

How interesting! I actually didn't want to condense my hours into 4 long days as I didn't see a point of pretty much not seeing my DS for 4 days just to see him for 1 full day.

Instead I work 8am-4pm so he has shorter days in nursery (my DH drops him off around 9am) and then we have every late afternoon/evening together.

Me and DH both do full time but over 9 days every fortnight, so we have every other Friday off. We also flex one day a week so late start means DH can drop at 9 (no breakfast club) and I pick up at 3 (no after school).

So essentially the school age kids do 3 long days (though again I flex on those and pick up at 5.15) and 2 short, non school ages do 3 long, 1 short and 1 off.

I feel this balances all our needs very finely. Compressing to four days in five would prob be better for the kids but wouldn't allow the flex on the other days, so their long days would be loooong, plus DH and I both have 'big' get it done or get fired jobs so 4 in 5 would be very stressful for us.

It's very hard to get it right but I would absolutely recommend DH flexing as well as you as this gives more opportunity to tailor the kids hours and means you are more equal parents and can keep your career going in these mega hard years.

All caveated with I know we are very lucky to have 2 X flexible jobs so not possible for a lot of people!

I don’t know if quality time is what they need though over an easier/less demanding every day life if that makes sense.

To put it bluntly my DH doesn’t want to reduce his hours. @KenIsAnAccessory We’ve spoken before about both doing a 9 days fortnight but he doesn’t want to. He does do slightly different hours to most of his colleagues to allow him to do the nursery pick up.

He is a very hands on/involved father, 2 days a week he does the nursery drop offs and pick ups and gets dinner on the table for when I get home whilst looking after the 2 little ones. He does bedtime for DS every night and does housework after then whilst I put DD to bed. I have no complaints on the DH front.

Its just the amount of time DC are in nursery doesn’t bother him in the same way it does me. I really miss spending time with them and frankly think I can parent better than the nursery can.

In an ideal world I’d like a nanny but we don’t earn enough for that.

Thanks all though it’s really useful to hear how other people juggle things!

Can you always finish work dead on time? I did 5 short days but often ran late as I was ‘just’ finishing something or someone would ask for something shortly before I was leaving. I wouldn’t recommend it but it is job specific

I think 4 full days is better so you get a full day with the DC.
That'll probably change when your eldest starts school though and working 5 days with early finishes would be better.

I agree with this.

It is a totally different mindset on the day (and the evening before the day) you aren't going in to work. Much more relaxed, no 'packing pram bag / lunch / getting clothes ready the night before. Much, much nicer than clock watching at the end of the day / leaving before colleagues do / sometimes getting caught with something to finish / for what we used to refer to as 'the witching hour' at the end of the day when they are tired and grumpy after Nursery and you can't actually do anything nice with them.