To ask if you have a person that you think about a lot?

[dxd27]

I am feeling really confused at the moment and just wanted to vent here to see if anybody else has felt like this and if so, what the outcome was.

For background context, I've been with my partner for 10 years and we have 2 young children. I love him so much, but I can't stop thinking about somebody else from my past.

I met the other person when I was a teenager. We clicked instantly, it felt like we just "got" each other and we spent a lot of time together when we were younger (we had the same friendship group). We knew so much about each other but we never had a relationship. Back then, I wasn't sure if I was sexually attracted to him. But even without that, I felt a strong connection with him. I knew he wanted more at the time and I think he tried to just accept that we would be friends instead. Then I met my current partner, and gradually I stopped being close with the other person. It was getting complicated and the lines were becoming blurred. We spoke over the years briefly and the connection was still there, but nothing romantic happened. It was just as friends but it was honestly difficult to keep it that way. I know this sounds bad but I never cheated.

Over the years I have thought about him but put it all at the back of my mind, he was a massive part of my life up but more recently I just can't seem to stop thinking about him. He is with somebody else now too. The worst thing is, he lives locally to me and I see him often. He is in my dreams a lot and I wake up feeling worse.

I don't know why I feel like this. I love my partner, he's the father of my kids and we have been together for a long time but he's never understood me the way the other person did.

I feel so confused and I don't know how I can stop thinking about him. Or why I even still am after all these years

Anybody else been in similar situation?

Yep. I knew him (way too) fleetingly It's been a few years, so I don't think about him every day. But it's still often ☺️

I'm single, so nothing's spoiling. I don't know where he is now: no social media connection, no messages these days 😥

He's welcome back anytime 🙏 He helped me greatly when I needed it. And left me better placed to deal with life; for that I'll always be grateful 💜💜💜

I do this. At one point it sent me a bit mad, it was like I had an imaginary friend.

Definitely a what could have been issue. I would love to see them again, not for anything to come of it, we're both married but just to see.

I think feelings like this are very common, and not necessarily indicative of problems in your current relationship. You'll know the difference between nostalgic feelings that you will never act on, and an actual desire to be with somebody else. As long as you're honest about which of these it is you're feeling...

Nope,not at all.

Your situation sounds very normal totally exhausted after looking after 2 young children. Don't throw it away for a fantasy relationship that would implode so many peoples lives

It's all fantasy though isn't it?

Comparing the warm and fuzzies to the stability, dependability, settled feeling combined with monotony & irritability that comes with living with someone and being together long term. When the novelty and excitement simmers down a bit. So I feel like the comparison is never fair if that makes sense?

You're comparing a true reality with a current partner to an edited or glossier version of a previous partner, so I think that's why it happens. I do the same. But need to try to focus on the fact you're comparing the reality of a true relationship and living together to the idea of someone and the early phases of relationships/getting to know people where everything is sparky and they seem perfect - like they don't leave their pants on the floor, stick out the bathroom, or take the bins out! When the reality is they do all of this and probably have their own irritating quirks or negatives that are different to your current partners.

I had a dream about someone from my past just last night and woke up feeling sort of upset and then had a firm word with myself 😅😅

Only drop off and pick ups when ds was little.

I also hate him too. I refuse to have anything to do with someone who behaved like he did. Yet l think about him every day. I miss us being young together. We had so much in common.