Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your ideas for “date nights” without babysitting?

65 replies

leftorrightnow · 04/09/2024 13:44

Trying to reinvigorate my marriage. After some tough years, DH and I are having couples counselling and it’s slowly improving things, but think we also need to reconnect more.

But trouble is, we very rarely have babysitting available. Kids are 9 and 7, so not old enough to be left alone of course. (No family nearby, no friends in a position babysit unless for emergencies, and just trying to get a new teenage babysitter in place, but DS (7) is not falling asleep without us so far, so options are limited although she may be able to look after them during weekends daytime soon)

Any ideas for things you can do at home to make it feel a bit like a date night, or just connecting activities that can be done at home after kids are in bed, or even with them around?

Also welcome ideas for regular date nights, for when we occasionally can get babysitting, anything that you particularly have found a good way to connect? We often end up with the usual - cinema, concerns, restaurants, so keen for other ideas.

OP posts:
soberholic · 05/09/2024 00:06

SummerInSun · 04/09/2024 13:51

On Saturday nights we get a good bottle of wine, fancy cheese and cold meats and dips, etc, and set ourselves up as if we were out at our favourite local wind bar. (So we have yummy food by no cooking and very little cleaning up.) We dress nicely and listen to music and chat all evening. No looking at phones (except to periodically change the Spotify playlist), no TV. Sometimes I wonder what we will have to talk about but actually once you get into the flow there is lots, and you remember why you thought the other person was good enough company to marry in the first place!

Now we are at the point that if one of us heard something interesting on the radio or had an interesting chat with someone at work or whatever, we save the things up to tell each other about properly on Saturday nights rather than just a short garbled story during a typical weeknight.

This has reminded me to get a cheese subscription

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/09/2024 00:10

Haven't rtft... sorry, if suggested already:
get kids fed and to bed then, together, cook a nice meal for two, open some wine and sit in the garden to enjoy.

Nat6999 · 05/09/2024 00:11

I used to get ds off to bed early, Friday night was best as he was tired from school, then we would prepare a nice meal with wine & then watch a film.

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/09/2024 00:16

WitchyBits · 04/09/2024 15:13

Bear with me on this bit I have found going to bed a bit early with a brand new audiobook that we are both interested in, has been revolutionary for my marriage. He was apprehensive and rolled his eyes a bit but by the 4th night it was just routine. We only listen to the book together in bed, no sneaky catch ups etc. we just cuddle up with the lights off and get told a story. We both look forward to bed now and are much much more cuddly/intimate and have a lot more to talk about and it's happened organically. We both make suggestions for authors or books and tend to favour murder mysteries/police procedural etc but also mix it up a bit with the odd book with a bit of raunchiness.

My SO and I do this too. It's incredibly relaxing.

TotHappy · 05/09/2024 00:28

I love this thread! Just placemarking for the ideas, really...

Chrsytalchondalier · 05/09/2024 00:34

HRCsMumma · 04/09/2024 14:50

I would really work on the 7 year old going to bed. So you can get babysitters. Even if it's once a month.
Would it really hurt even if he didn't go to bed until you're back if it's on a weekend?

This. I'd just do it, you never know they might be fine. Don't let this dictate what you can do, 7 is far too old for that

soberholic · 05/09/2024 04:07

Hoolihan · 04/09/2024 13:49

I think a good walk is an underrated activity - woods/beach/hills depending on what's accessible. With a picnic or a pub lunch.

Sea/wild swimming if available.

Poker night at home.

Kitchen disco.

Shared bath/shower.

Sex.

Sea swimming is brilliant! After buying me a bikini last year, I said to my husband "let's go for a swim in the sea" - we live right by the sea.

It was only while I was packing he realized I wasn't 'joking'. For some reason he's never swam in the sea and became a little nervous. I insisted we'll keep right by the coast but that we go.

He absolutely loved it, and it's a top memory for him of last year! Imagine reaching nearly 40 and having never swam in the sea once!

JaceLancs · 05/09/2024 06:39

Escape room kit, adult Lego - spice meal subscription and phone ban
my dc are grown up - but I still like a special Saturday night in

RuthRescuedMe · 05/09/2024 06:39

Correction: She would accept nothing more than magazines and the occasional editing of her daughter’s A-level assignments.

sashh · 05/09/2024 06:45

When you do get a babysitter send them to the cinema / bowling / skating whatever there is near you. Set a time they cannot be back before.

DO a nice meal, either a take away or cook, set the table, light candles and make sure the TV is off.

Lurleene · 05/09/2024 07:18

If you manage to wangle a free day while the children are at school see if you can book a day use hotel in your area. You can book some hotels from eg 9-5 for a lot less than an overnight stay and in many cases have access to the pool and other facilities as well as your room.

JasmineTea11 · 05/09/2024 07:30

A game you both like instead of TV. E.g Scrabble, it's nice because you can hang out, bit if chit chat, but without need to 'talk'.

Candles, nice music and a massage, cheesy but very pleasant. Again, talking optional.

One person reads to the other? Works well if one person is the more confident reader, and text is a shared interest to be discussed for a bit after.

greenwoodentablelegs · 05/09/2024 10:55

Lovely thread !

go to bed when the kids do and listen to the bbc 3 proms in bed. Makes you feel grown up.

hummingbird12 · 05/09/2024 16:04

You can get murder detective kits which look good fun

Me and DH opened a bottle of wine and drew portraits of each other. That was good fun and we had a good laugh about it

Talk - I know it sounds odd but just sitting and talking when the kids are in bed with no tv or phones or other distractions is lovely

New posts on this thread. Refresh page